If this was July tomorrow would be my bday

I went on Weds to put down my dep at The Bradford and got denied! WTF? Why? The girl couldnt really explain to me, she gave me a sheet of paper w/ some numbers on it. Well, that wasnt helpful. I havent ever been turned down before. At most I've had to pay an extra deposit. Which is what I was expecting. I've been meaning to call back over there and get them to explain more. My credit score isnt that bad and I have no evictions/broken leases, so my rental history should be good. I dont get it. It makes me wanna call up Chad from the house and see if he'd be willing to continue the lease w/ me. I mean, he hasnt rented it yet and hes never gave me my $$ back. Hmmm, what do you think? I need opinions. lol

I got my yearly eye exam on Weds too. Its changed again. But I needed it either way bc I switched from contacts to glasses. Actually I never even really got to use my contacts bc they sucked. I saw the other dr in the office instead of my regular last year and he gave me contacts for astigmatism. I could NEVER get adjusted. It was awful. But anyways my glasses are way off. I cant even remember exactly how old these are. 3-4 year? Well I know the rx is not even close to my current blindness. It will be so nice to see again. And I really like my new frames.

So I went and saw Chris. I thought we were gonna maybe start talking again. But nope. Yesterday we went around and around and finally got to the fact of hes not ready for a GF. BUT I dont know if I believe him. Its not my place to jump to conclusions, especially in the blogging world, but I do read his tumblr and I saw some things on there that kinda hurt my feelings/made me wonder. But like I said its his blog and I dont know the full story so I cant assume. Or I can but theres a chance that I will be totally off and wasting my emotions on something that doesnt even matter. So moving on...

I'm an AUNT!!! My oldest younger brother Ronnie and his GF Erinn had their daughter Riley Celine on Thursday 6/14/12. She was 8 lbs 3 oz. Big healthy girl. She nurses like a champ and I love her to pieces. I cant wait to spoil that little girl. She will love LOVE her Aunt Lala. I cant wait to have sleep overs and do all kinds of fun things. I loved my aunts when I was little (I still do but you know what I mean). Especially the 2 that were single. They always did fun stuff w/ me. I have good memories of those times.

I'll leave you with a pic of my niece.

Riley Celine

35 Days till my 30th Bday - omg 30...

Aaron was a dud. Should have know. lol Psh jerk. I dont care if he comes back a 3rd time. No thanks. If you were interested (and not married?) you wouldnt just disappear randomly.

I hate dating. I hate the unknown of it. Like now, I am "talking" to a new guy named Jimmy. Things are going well. We text everyday. We havent met yet. But I really want to get the initial meeting over with bc I am so worried he wont like me. The pressure of dating when you are overweight is different. And I'm not just being down on myself. Everyone has a preference. I am clear about my size and I have pics but really I need confirmation that can only come from meeting the person in real life. I think he might be waiting to meet until my schedule changes. I really hope not. I am guessing thats going to be about 2-3 weeks from now.

Horrible terrible news. My work blocked google plus. That was the last site that was still accesable to IM on. I stay logged into to google plus so I am use gtalk while I am at work. But not anymore. And my internet on my phone is hit and miss so...now I dont know what I am going to do. I did a search for other "secret" IM/chats but none have worked. Waaaaaaaaah.

I need to hurry and move. The bed I am sleeping on is causing something funny to happen to my shoulders which is then pinching a nerve when my arms are in certain positions. Its a very odd feeling to have your index, middle and thumb to be numb/tingly. Me no likey. I just need to move in general. Staying at my gparents house has had some weird effects. They dont use the a/c (like I do) so even tho I'm not like OMG I'M SO HOT, my body sweats a little and being fat thats not fun, lol. Ugh.

Anyway. I'm sleepy. Bye bye.

I just typed - Enjoy.

Sigh, I feel like I am so dramatic. Obviously I am on my blog. This place is the home of extremes. And thats really a good thing. Bc it keeps me seeming sane in front of people who dont love me unconditional like my family and friends. I'm loud and opinionated. I prefer to say I am a very passionate person. If I feel at all, I feel very strongly. There is no middle ground. My poor family knows that all too well. But I dont feel the need to apologize. This is who I am. I am Rhianna. I will be a big presence in your life. And not just physically (ha get it, fat joke, lol). I am bossy, stubborn, opinionated, loud, hard headed, insubordinate, inappropriate, argumentative and rude.

But I am also a strong woman, who has a lot of love to give. And when I love, I love hard. Unconditional love. Accepting. Understanding. Caring. Compassionate. I can be a shoulder to cry on, or help you sort thru a tough spot. Or even better, make you laugh. Take your mind off whats troubling you. I'll be your best friend.

I am so blessed God gave me the people in my life. My friends and family. They have shaped me into who I am. Our family is going thru a transitional period. A lot of hurt. A lot of pain, broken hearts. A whole lot of tears have been cried, prayers lifted up to the Lord. We dont understand His plan. Its not our place to question Him. But its hard not to when you are faced w/ obstacle after obstacle.

I feel like the 3 new lifes being born into this family in the next 6 months are going to heal our hearts. As some know, my baby brother is in prison. And obviously that has been very hard. When he was offered a deal and trying to make a decision, I had a dream. As sure as anything I know it was a message from God that these babies are what saves us. New life. Hope. Love. Amen.

I know that these babies arent going to solve our problems. Bills will still come, divorce, addictions, etc. But its like we've been out floating for 40 days and 40 nights...

We really need an olive branch.

Its Complicated

So last nights post was...dramatic. I have sad days. But I'm ok.

I think what set me off last night was things ending w/ Chris and knowing I was going to have to start over again. It really sucks out there. Men are so difficult. They can't respect me. Cant. Its like they are broken. I dont want something based solely on the physical. I am more then just a walking vagina. Thats one of the reasons I liked Chris. He was one of the first men to behave like a gentleman. And the funniest part of all is he is the youngest I have ever dated. Men my age are, well, theres a reason they are the only ones left. Jerks.

Rough Night

So lets just say you love someone who is your friend. You are not in a relationship and lets say you never will be. This person loves you too. But you 2 can NOT be together. You 2 speak everyday, pretty much all day and see each other when ever possible. You constantly compare every potential match to this person. They do everything and say everything right. They are your best friend.

How do you go out and continue to date and put yourself out there to be trampled on, knowing that this person should be "the one?" Not to mention that dating sucks and 75% of men only want you for one thing.

Listening to the radio tonight and hearing some lyrics that make me wanna hang up my dating hat and settle for a relationship that I cant have.

Yes. Its hard. I cant stop thinking about you tonight...I was really doing good...

Damn it.

This is AWESOME

Sad Songs are Sad

I am having one of those days where I just feel like I need to cry. On my way to work this Toby Keith song came on, and I started thinking about my gpa and how I will feel when he passes away. I cried during the drive. I felt better afterwards. Then I looked it up so I could post it here and started to tear up again. Such a sad song.

So Chris and I are over. That was fun while it lasted. He was/is really a sweet guy but he is going thru something right now and I guess I cant help. Bummer.

I am kinda sad bc I hate starting over bc guys suck. But I ran into a guy I went on one date with a year and a half ago yesterday. It was actually just the initial meeting at Starbucks. It had gone really well and we both were interested but we ended up having scheduling conflicts. After a few weeks of that we both just kinda gave up. We would text every once and awhile and kinda stay in touch but then he would have a gf or I would have bf. Well anyways we exchanged #'s and we are having lunch on Monday. Yay. Thats exciting.

Well I guess thats all for now.