J gave me a Kindle Fire on Weds night and I am reading the 50 Shades Trilogy. Its good. It makes me think a lot. I am almost finished w/ the first book. I do love having the Kindle, thank you again babe ;) I wish Tumblr would get a real ap for the tablets.
I'm going to J's tonight for dinner. And then to spend the night. I am so glad. We seem to have a hard time leaving each other when we are finally together. lol And its been a few days since I've seen him. I miss him.
Its weird, I was noticing last night that...this might be hard to get out properly, nothing matters now to me except this, him, us. I mean, friends, family, work, etc, still matter. I just mean everything leading up to finding and meeting him. Its like its all faded away. You can scan thru my blog and see all the crap I have had the wonderful experience with. And now its like who cares. Maybe it was all worth it. I def appreciate what I have now. Would I not have if I didnt go thru all that? I dont think it would have changed ME. I am a great GF, lol.
Oh well who knows, who cares. I just want to enjoy....this.
God I cant wait for tonight...
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Friday, September 28, 2012
He Amazes Me
My have things have changed in one week.
J. Hmmm where do I even start. He makes me so happy. All the little things that worried me in the beginning, they are gone, faded away. I dont care about any of it. That worrier side of me. The over analyzing. The wonderer. He has calmed that all down. I would say the changing moment for me was the night we went bowling. Our first date was good, and so was the 2nd but I feel like (and I've heard too) that you are really your true self by the 3rd date. And I felt that way w/ him that night. There have been other little milestones we have crossed since then, the first kiss and the sex talk (that I wanted to have so bad), lol. I feel like now we are really comfortable and completely relaxed around one another.
I have enjoyed just being w/ him. Cuddling on the couch at his place watching tv...thats so nice. His arm around me, holding hands. I dont want to forget these times. Where everything is so simple yet so amazing at the same time.
So, Tuesday we met at his place, went to dinner and then just cuddled on the couch. I met Donna and Bri - his brothers fiance and her daughter. I watched him help Bri w/ her homework which was adorable. LOL Like I said we did have the "sex" talk. That sounds so funny. It was just important to me that I get that out of the way. I didnt wanna fall any further for this man until I knew we were on the same page.
Wednesday he came to my place and met Chance. Had dinner. Then we hung out for awhile until he really really needed to get home for work in the morning.
Its so hard to be away from each other. I miss him and it sucks that between my schedule and our distance we can only see each other 3 times a week.
Hmmm...I'm all lrngvfoirjcjireo;vhe;vn;ovrnjiopvfheroik on the inside. I love this feeling :) I feel like my thoughts are all jumbled tho...
J. Hmmm where do I even start. He makes me so happy. All the little things that worried me in the beginning, they are gone, faded away. I dont care about any of it. That worrier side of me. The over analyzing. The wonderer. He has calmed that all down. I would say the changing moment for me was the night we went bowling. Our first date was good, and so was the 2nd but I feel like (and I've heard too) that you are really your true self by the 3rd date. And I felt that way w/ him that night. There have been other little milestones we have crossed since then, the first kiss and the sex talk (that I wanted to have so bad), lol. I feel like now we are really comfortable and completely relaxed around one another.
I have enjoyed just being w/ him. Cuddling on the couch at his place watching tv...thats so nice. His arm around me, holding hands. I dont want to forget these times. Where everything is so simple yet so amazing at the same time.
So, Tuesday we met at his place, went to dinner and then just cuddled on the couch. I met Donna and Bri - his brothers fiance and her daughter. I watched him help Bri w/ her homework which was adorable. LOL Like I said we did have the "sex" talk. That sounds so funny. It was just important to me that I get that out of the way. I didnt wanna fall any further for this man until I knew we were on the same page.
Wednesday he came to my place and met Chance. Had dinner. Then we hung out for awhile until he really really needed to get home for work in the morning.
Its so hard to be away from each other. I miss him and it sucks that between my schedule and our distance we can only see each other 3 times a week.
Hmmm...I'm all lrngvfoirjcjireo;vhe;vn;ovrnjiopvfheroik on the inside. I love this feeling :) I feel like my thoughts are all jumbled tho...
Anyway, here we are in all our adorableness.
Monday, September 24, 2012
A Mans Place
In a relationship I find it very important that male and female roles are mostly followed. Partly bc I am old fashioned and partly bc I am submissive (no not like whips and chains, well.... no not like that). I believe that men and women should behave a certain way.
Men are to be bread winners (mostly), the head of the house (no matter the ladder), strong, aggressive, sexual, handy, yet loving, tender and affectionate while still maintaining (and demanding) control and respect from their spouse and children. I expect my man to fix and maintain my car/house, mow the yard, take out the trash, fill my tank and be dominate in bed.
Woman are to be supportive, loving, affectionate and caring, respectful of their men. They should take his word as the final say and not try and make him a push over. I expect myself to keep up the house work, cooking/baking, taking care of the daily errands, providing meals for my man outside the home, and be available for sex.
These I believe are necessary for a success marriage.
Now I do believe that this is not set in stone and there are, of course, variations for every family but it boils down to respecting your man and his place in your life and vice versa. Yes you are still equal and when I say control and such I am not speaking of a dysfunctional/abusive situations, I am speaking more along the lines of the 50's era and previous.
Yes I realize that the womans rights were not as they are today and I am dont mean to take any of that away. A woman can work, and vote, wear pants, lol. And the man can cook and clean, etc. Dont lose your voice and just say yes sir yes sir, but dont take advantage of his trust and tenderness towards you either.
Now these are things that work for me and you may think differently but I have seen first hand couples who live mostly towards this life style and they are very happy and successful. I look up to them and hope my next marriage will be like this.
So to go along those lines, I have noticed I subconsciously do something based on whether I respect your place as a man in my life. If we are in bed and you are closest to the door I respect you, if not then I dont. I subconsciously do that and its has been about 95% accurate. lol Craziness.
Men are to be bread winners (mostly), the head of the house (no matter the ladder), strong, aggressive, sexual, handy, yet loving, tender and affectionate while still maintaining (and demanding) control and respect from their spouse and children. I expect my man to fix and maintain my car/house, mow the yard, take out the trash, fill my tank and be dominate in bed.
Woman are to be supportive, loving, affectionate and caring, respectful of their men. They should take his word as the final say and not try and make him a push over. I expect myself to keep up the house work, cooking/baking, taking care of the daily errands, providing meals for my man outside the home, and be available for sex.
These I believe are necessary for a success marriage.
Now I do believe that this is not set in stone and there are, of course, variations for every family but it boils down to respecting your man and his place in your life and vice versa. Yes you are still equal and when I say control and such I am not speaking of a dysfunctional/abusive situations, I am speaking more along the lines of the 50's era and previous.
Yes I realize that the womans rights were not as they are today and I am dont mean to take any of that away. A woman can work, and vote, wear pants, lol. And the man can cook and clean, etc. Dont lose your voice and just say yes sir yes sir, but dont take advantage of his trust and tenderness towards you either.
Now these are things that work for me and you may think differently but I have seen first hand couples who live mostly towards this life style and they are very happy and successful. I look up to them and hope my next marriage will be like this.
So to go along those lines, I have noticed I subconsciously do something based on whether I respect your place as a man in my life. If we are in bed and you are closest to the door I respect you, if not then I dont. I subconsciously do that and its has been about 95% accurate. lol Craziness.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
That Spark
Thursday was another date w/ J. We ordered pizza and pay per view. And then when he was leaving he kissed me again...and I felt it. No not that. Get your minds outta the gutter. I felt that spark that had been missing this whole time. And I was going crazy waiting for it. I wanted to like him so much. And I was SOOOO worried that I wasnt going to ever get there. Normally its instant, but I have had relationships were it wasnt. And it doesnt change anything as long as it gets there. lol And now I am happy.
I'm going to his place tonight when I get off work. I'm so excited!! And nervous, but only bc his brother and his fiance live there too. I really dont wanna have to drive home afterwards but I dont wanna invite myself to spend the night either...we'll have to see what happens. I did bring clothes just in case I got the invite. Ugh I really hope so.
Amanda over at Mom Burnt Dinner, who recently had WLS, is dropping weight like a rockstar(ummm yeah, lol). And after contacting her tonight, I am going to be the proud owner of some gently used plus sized clothing she no longer needs. Very exciting for me. I am always willing to take clothes of peoples hands. I hope one day I'll be the one giving my stuff to some other awesome chick. If my ins/job ever gets a bariatric surgeon so I can get approved for WLS too.
I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers tho. I have been feeling the urge to lose weight lately. I am scared. I dont wanna regain and get even bigger. So I gotta make sure this is gonna be a lifetime change. I'm hoping I can get J to join w/ me. And we can do it together. That would be awesome.
Alrighty, thats all for tonight, nighty nighty! :)
I'm going to his place tonight when I get off work. I'm so excited!! And nervous, but only bc his brother and his fiance live there too. I really dont wanna have to drive home afterwards but I dont wanna invite myself to spend the night either...we'll have to see what happens. I did bring clothes just in case I got the invite. Ugh I really hope so.
Amanda over at Mom Burnt Dinner, who recently had WLS, is dropping weight like a rockstar(ummm yeah, lol). And after contacting her tonight, I am going to be the proud owner of some gently used plus sized clothing she no longer needs. Very exciting for me. I am always willing to take clothes of peoples hands. I hope one day I'll be the one giving my stuff to some other awesome chick. If my ins/job ever gets a bariatric surgeon so I can get approved for WLS too.
I am thinking about joining Weight Watchers tho. I have been feeling the urge to lose weight lately. I am scared. I dont wanna regain and get even bigger. So I gotta make sure this is gonna be a lifetime change. I'm hoping I can get J to join w/ me. And we can do it together. That would be awesome.
Alrighty, thats all for tonight, nighty nighty! :)
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Happy and Not
Well, I am officially off the market, lol. I am now in a relationship w/ Jonathan. We went on our....6th(?) date tonight, a movie, Hit and Run. It was very good. I was a lot better w/ being affectionate. We held hands and sat next to each other this time.
Can you believe it? LOL Yeah I know. Neither can I.
I had planned on talking to him about "us" during the previews but I chickened out. BUT I did call him on the way home and was like look I'm just checking, we are official right? I was just making sure we were on the same page. And I said you wanna be my boyfriend? And his reply was only if you're gonna be my girlfriend?! lol Of course.
We are the biggest dorks ever.
Can you believe it? LOL Yeah I know. Neither can I.
I had planned on talking to him about "us" during the previews but I chickened out. BUT I did call him on the way home and was like look I'm just checking, we are official right? I was just making sure we were on the same page. And I said you wanna be my boyfriend? And his reply was only if you're gonna be my girlfriend?! lol Of course.
We are the biggest dorks ever.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Friends Forever?
Ok I had been debating whether I wanted to talk about this/how I wanted to. But it is my blog and I can talk about whatever I want to. So with that said my topic is:
Breaking up w/ Friends.
This is very hard to accomplish. I have many times in my life been at a cross road w/ a friendship. Wanting to end it for one reason or another. And its so hard. No matter the reason. Too far. Too much baggage. Too needy. They are selfish/bad friends. Etc. All of those are legit reasons. How do you do it? Let it fade away, but that requires the other person to also let it die. Tell the other person. That takes balls but is ultimately a good choice.
IDK...
But what I do know is that sometimes you just don't have time to add a new friend to your line up. Especially if that person wants/needs a lot of actual time from you. Or you could have been in a situation where you weren't intending to really maintain a friendship but it kinda happened but then you found yourself in a weird place. An ex who wants to be friends, hang out, do things, sounds a lot like dating, but don't develop feelings for them bc its one sided. And you'll just be hurting yourself. A HS bff who you've outgrown and physically drains you when the 2 of you are together.
Sometimes it hurts you to see them end. Sometimes it feels like a weight has been lifted. And others you feel guilty about. Or what if you are the one being broken up with. That's always crushing...
I think the easiest way and least soul damaging is the slow goodbye. And if you realize that is happening to you, re-evaluate your relationship w/ that person and chose your reaction. Defensive? Confrontational? Acceptance? If you chose to confront your (ex)friend be prepared to potentially be ignored. Or maybe hear some things about yourself you don't wanna hear. If you decide to let it go, don't judge yourself or think poorly on that person. Not everyone can be best friends. People are meant to come and go in your life. You live and learn from each other. It doesn't have to be a bad thing to let people go.
Breaking up w/ Friends.
This is very hard to accomplish. I have many times in my life been at a cross road w/ a friendship. Wanting to end it for one reason or another. And its so hard. No matter the reason. Too far. Too much baggage. Too needy. They are selfish/bad friends. Etc. All of those are legit reasons. How do you do it? Let it fade away, but that requires the other person to also let it die. Tell the other person. That takes balls but is ultimately a good choice.
IDK...
But what I do know is that sometimes you just don't have time to add a new friend to your line up. Especially if that person wants/needs a lot of actual time from you. Or you could have been in a situation where you weren't intending to really maintain a friendship but it kinda happened but then you found yourself in a weird place. An ex who wants to be friends, hang out, do things, sounds a lot like dating, but don't develop feelings for them bc its one sided. And you'll just be hurting yourself. A HS bff who you've outgrown and physically drains you when the 2 of you are together.
Sometimes it hurts you to see them end. Sometimes it feels like a weight has been lifted. And others you feel guilty about. Or what if you are the one being broken up with. That's always crushing...
I think the easiest way and least soul damaging is the slow goodbye. And if you realize that is happening to you, re-evaluate your relationship w/ that person and chose your reaction. Defensive? Confrontational? Acceptance? If you chose to confront your (ex)friend be prepared to potentially be ignored. Or maybe hear some things about yourself you don't wanna hear. If you decide to let it go, don't judge yourself or think poorly on that person. Not everyone can be best friends. People are meant to come and go in your life. You live and learn from each other. It doesn't have to be a bad thing to let people go.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe
PS I do think that some friendships stay in your life forever and just come and go thru different life cycles. Also if you love someone and need them in your life you can totally fight to keep them there. But know the difference and listen to your heart.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)