Time Heals

My new schedule started last Sunday and this was the first time I have ever worked Fri/Sat for this dept. It wasnt too bad. Actually it wasnt much different then the other days I work. Since I am there later I have more time to get bored and figure out stuff to keep me awake. I need a kindle or something. I had that nook but I "pawned" it and didnt get it out in time. Damn it. I hate that. I def liked having 3 days off in a row.
Like I said earlier it was my moms bday and party at my gma's house. I was able to get off and was glad to spend time w/ my family. My family joked a lot about the Kevin thing and while I do find it funny and can laugh about it, it does kinda start to hurt after awhile. I mean, I loved him. I trusted him w/ my heart. So I eventually had to say something to the effect of "this is funny and I can laugh but ouch it still kinda hurts."

Its hard not to take that situation and feel like its my fault it happened. I made him to that. I dont deserve him or anyone or to be happy. Rationally I know, I know, its not my fault...I wish I could have had the strength to end it before it ended w/ me hurt. I dont wanna be a broken woman who is bitter, angry and been hurt so many times that she isnt capable of love.