Dear Jonathan

Do you know how much I love you?
I love you so much that I don't care that you might be embarrassed by this. lol You are such an amazing man. You make me happier every single day. I didn't even think it was possible to love you more, but then you go and do something to prove me wrong.
I am constantly reminded how awesome God is to bring us together. I have never stopped thanking Him for letting me be apart of your life.
I am thankful to your parents too, they are responsible for molding you and teaching you to be a strong, hard working and loving man.
I love your commitment. Not just to me but everything in life. You believe in doing everything 100%. And this has provided us with the best.
You work so hard. You have such a drive to make the most of life. You have faced the hard times head on and without wavering.
I love your strength. You have been my rock, and have also allowed me to be yours too.

You love like you live. Strong. Committed. Loving. 100%.

In the beginning I was amazed by you.
No one has ever done 1/2 what you did for me.
Not materialistic things, remembering little things and surprising me later. Its hard to describe what it feels like to be important to someone.

You still amaze me.
When you look into my eyes and I can see your love.
You give me butterflies.

We have so much to look forward to.
We already have such an awesome partnership.
I am so excited to see what lies ahead.

Thank you for being awesome.
I love you. More and more everyday.

See you in the morning :)

Introducing...

Kevin and Rhianna

Yep. I never had a doubts on my feelings for this man. Almost from the moment he responded to my ad, I have felt deeply connected to him. No reason for this. And its not normal. I dont typically fall so quickly. There have been others tho. Not gonna lie. Mostly those were physical tho, ie Fat Mike, Philip. I had this connection w/ Kevin before it was even possible to have a physical connection, obviously.

Last night was finally the night. Our schedules parted and a magical rainbow window appeared for us. lol He had to work late Tues night, till 10pm and had to be back at 7am. Since he lives over an hour from his job, driving back and forth would have been dumb. On nights like that his boss will pays for a room. So he got a room at Super 8. After I got off work I met him there. I was so nervous for 2 reasons, safety first. Uh hello I was meeting him at a hotel. A strange man. lol. But I have a system and I always try to be as safe as possible. Reason 2, we were finally meeting.
Once I got there I was stupid nervous, saying dumb stuff I'm sure. Just talk, talk, talk, talk. It helps calm my nerves. If you asked me what I talked about. I had no idea, I think I told him why I decided not to eat Ramen Noodles right before I come over?? Ugh I dont know... once I shut up and let him know I was calming down, he leaned over and kissed me.
Phew, thats what I needed.
Pretty much the rest of the night went well. He doesnt normally stay up real late so he started to crash about an hr after I got there. We were just laying in the bed chatting and I would look up and he'd be sleeping. lol Poor little sleepy head. So I went ahead and let him sleep. I turn out the lights and watched tv until I fell asleep too.
He didnt try to rush anything, but we still had a great night. *cough*notsayingwewastedahoteltroom*cough* His alarm was set for 6 but he over slept, we woke up at 7. Oops, so he got dresses and flew out the door. I stayed till check out and then on my way home he texted to see if I wanted to meet him for lunch. So I went home, changed and then picked him up. He works at the Hilton right on the lake so we just went back there and sat out by the water.
We talked and he told me how happy he was that I was still interested after meeting him. lol That was the same thing I was worried about. We talked about how crazy it is that we just found each other. How does that happen!!? Seriously, so weird. Then we decided to make it official.

I am now in a relationship. OMG! I heart my bf! Kevin and Rhianna forever!! lol

Thank God. Seriously. I am so thankful to God for giving me Kevin. He has been a light in my life. Even tho 28 days to meet was rough, I remained as patient as I could be. I prayed and thanked Him for bringing Kevin into my life. And I will continue to pray for our relationship. I want this one to be done right. And that is thru God.

Much Better.

Phew, after that last post I was feeling like I was gonna lose it. I hate that feeling of unknown. My mind tortures me and comes up w/ these horrible ideas and it just starts to snowball out of control.
We talked this morning. He was saying he just wants to know someone loves him, or even likes him. I guess he was feeling me pulling back. So we got some stuff off our chest. It was needed.

And I am getting more comfortable w/ how I feel for him. Luckily we finally are meeting, Tuesday night. OMG! I am nervous but its about time. Since I am trying to just embrace the feelings w/o over analyzing them I am going to be the biggest romantic cheesy sap ever. Hope you got your nausea meds, lol. I have been listening to songs and picking apart lyrics. Finding quotes, etc. I love it.

And with that I will leave you with one from today...

"But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth..."

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

The One Where I have an Emotional Breakdown

So Kevin and I had our first little ... fight or something? I dont even know. But what was so crazy is that even tho we were communicating via IM he knew I was upset. We had been IM-ing back a forth for only a few mins. He's sick and I was asking how he was feeling. Then just out of now where he said you must be mad at me. I was thinking of the words I wanted to say. It too new for me to feel like I tell him the 100% truth bc I am very emotional and I'm afraid. Ok There I said it. I am afraid of him losing interest. SO I am trying to figure out the words when he replies I know babe...
I burst into tears. How in the world does he know?! I reply back that I am sad and I feel stupid. I explain to him that I am literally crying over a guy who I havent met yet that I have more feelings for then I can understand...and I have horrible luck dating and I am scared that I am getting played. I dont feel like you are lying or playing games. Its been an unfortunate series of uncontrollable situations that have kept you from me, but ... I'm still scared.
He replied that he understood and does he need to back off?
No way. That would be the worse. What I need from you is to reassure me that you arent a dickhead and that it will get better... we get thru it and he comforts me, by the end of our chat I am back to normal.

But I am frustrated right now bc we still havent met in real life. Between his work schedule, mine, his boy and his boys bday and halloween, and then him being sick it just hasnt worked out, just in the short 3 weeks we've been talking. Fine. Whatever. But then the other side of me gets nervous and a fear of rejection starts to creep up and it picks at the cracks in my armor. Rational Rhianna is rational and fine.

There is something different about our relationship. And its the whole "love" thing. I have such a hard time even accepting it to myself let alone letting anyone in my life know how strongly I feel for this man. I dont know why I feel this way. I cant explain it. I wish I could. But hand on the bible from day we started emailing back and forth I felt something. So it may not fit in with the typical timeline but oh well. I did it the "right" way the 1st time and look what happened.

Ugh... its 4:30 I need to sleep

Do You Believe in "At First Sight?"

Ok I started talking to this new guy, Kevin, on Wednesday. We clicked from the moment we started chatting. Honestly it was weird bc it felt like there was this instant connection. The more and more we talked, the more and more I feel…something.
I don’t wanna acknowledge it bc I feel crazy.
But then Monday night, we are having "the talk" about what we are looking for. He says he is looking for a GF, and then maybe… the one. I say I am looking to get out of the dating world, hoping for a BF. Not thinking much further then that yet. He said he'd love to be my bf.
Aww cute smiley faces. We cont to chat. I finally say, look I don’t wanna seem crazy but this…this feels really good. Like already established. He was like OMG I KNOW!!! Weird...

Now I have had run-ins w/ crazy guys and the ones who are pressuring you to move quickly. But this is different. I don't believe, or I should say I have never believed that this could happen. Its so weird. I feel silly. I am all bubbly and happy. I am trying to stay rational tho. I don't want to rush into anything, but I also think you know what I deserve this. I deserve to feel this way. And maybe the timing isn't quite right, but when is it ever. I am eager to get to know him more and we both will enjoy the head in clouds feeling we have w/ each other.