Happy 30th Birthday to my friend Randi!!

**Adult Product Info**
I wanna say I ran across this new product advertised in Redbook. I immediately went to the company's website to get more info. I am totally blown away by this. (ha!) Its called Masque. Its a flavored quick dissolve strip scientifically made to block flavor profiles associated with oral sex on men, especially of semen. I am speechless. If this really works it will change the world. I love, LOVE uh... participating in the activities mentioned but also hate the ending, flat out refuse. I'm gonna order some, see how it goes. I'll report back.
**Ok Done**

Today is Day 2 of the 5 Days of Christmas at work. Today was a catered "lunch" from Boston Market. OMG It was delish. I love working for a company that 1 acknowledges Christmas and 2 acknowledges us. And we are always having little fun days and such. Its cool. I am appreciative. Especially coming from Dish Networks call centers. God that job suck big fat...hey maybe Dish should give their employees the Masque. Make it go down easier. Ooooooooh. lol

Since I have to work Christmas day my mom is gonna have a family dinner on the 24th. I am glad I'll be able to spend the day with the family. Its still a big bummer about the actual day but I guess I'll survive. I'm off on the 26th too. That's the day Kevin is leaving for Dallas. So I'll be able to see him off hopefully. I'll let him know. Sigh...January is going to be the longest month of my life.

Rambles

Friday didnt quite work out as hoped. Unfortunately Kevins mom was not available to babysit as late as we had planned so he had to leave by 5. Since both my mom and Krystal had to work, we were unable to have dinner w/ them. I was pretty bummed. But at least she was willing to watch Johnathan so we could see each other for awhile. We had a long talk about Dallas and we were able to discuss some major topics like:
Am I working? up to me
Covering my bills? he will
Allowance? have my own debit card
Expectations? transportation for Johnathan
etc...
We also covered the whole topic of is he 100% sure. I am taking a huge step by quitting my job, leaving my friends and family behind to be with him in Dallas. I understand and hear all the worries of my family and friends. I understand our timeline is shorter and quicker then they are comfortable with. Kevin and I know that more then anyone else. But we also know we have never felt this way about another before. He is sure he wants me there. He understands what I am sacrificing to be with him. I know this is what I want. He has mentioned numerous times that he can't wait to come home to me, be able to cuddle on the couch w/ me. He tells me all the time he misses me in his arms and how he would love to wake up to my pretty face everyday.
UGH! I hate being away from him. February cant come soon enough. Like I said on my facebook on Friday, I fit so perfectly into his arms, no matter what is going on the moment my head hits his shoulder, I feel better. And thats a true story. I wasnt feeling well when he made it over, and was almost thinking maybe I should cancel. He walked in and sat on the couch, I cuddled up to him, laying my head on his shoulder, he wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close and I felt better.
One side of me is annoyed/disgusted w/ how lovey dovey I am. I feel so silly. But I know these feelings are more of newness and as time goes by they will fade. Hopefully leaving behind a strong bond. So I am trying to enjoy them, w/o making too many people nauseated in the mean time. But this is MY blog and I can smile and sigh as I remember something Kevin said and you just have to suck it up chump! lol

Hmmm what else, oh Friday night Krystal and I went to the tattoo place and she got her loves bday tattooed on her ring finger. I have pics and video that I will post. She was trying to get my to get something too, since she hates to be in pain alone. But alas I am broke.
Saturday was the 1st annual Christmas Cookie decorating party w/ Krystal and her 2 sisters, Melissa and Kacie. It was a lot of fun. We laughed alot, watched Elf, and Krystal made a white chocolate mocha coffee drink that tasted just like a starbucks drink. So good. Afterwards I went to my grandmas to return her rolling pin and baking sheet. We ate a few cookies and had some eggnog.

Overall a pretty good weekend.
Friday Kevin is going to bring Johnathan and we will all spend the day together. I am so nervous and excited. Johnathan is autistic, more specifically Aspergers syndrome. I have no idea what to expect. I hope he likes me. I am giving him his Christmas presents so hopefully that will help win him over. If anyone who reads this can give some words of advise on this subject it will be mucho appreciated.

Love is...

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Louis De Bernieres

Censorship

I've censored the following, in protest of a bill that gives any corporation and the US government the power to censor the internet--a bill that could pass THIS WEEK. To see the uncensored text, and to stop internet censorship, visit: http://americancensorship.org/posts/22094/uncensor

I ████ ███████ ████ the ██████████ is ██████ to ██████ the ████████. We ████ to do ██████████ we can to ████ ████ █████ now!!!

Look I'm Back

My kidneys have been hurty all day today. I think I need to cut back on the soda for awhile. I need to really get my butt in gear and start losing weight. When I move in w/ my boys (Kevin and his son Johnathan) I want to be able participate and enjoy all the activities. They are very active as far as doing fun family stuff on weekends and I dont wanna miss out or be miserable. I need to get my stamina up to where I can walk long distances. It wont take long if I just start walking everyday.

I have a very busy weekend coming up. Friday I need to take Chance to be groomed. I am having lunch w/ Kevin, that night he's meeting my mom and Krystal for dinner. At some point I will have to clean up the apt since Kevin is coming over. Saturday Krystal and I are co-hosting a Christmas cookie party at her apt. My idea for the party she was nice enough to volunteer her place. I said I would bring all the cookie dough and "base" frosting. So I'm gonna have to find time to make the dough. And I need to run to the store to get cookie cutters, parchment paper, sprinkles/decorative frosting and a better cookie sheet.
Phew. I am pooped just typing that out. lol

So I have wisdom/molar problems. All the bottom ones that have come in as an older teen/adult came in rotten and have given me years and years of pain. Well I am pretty sure I never got any wisdom teeth up top. Not too sure. But every once in awhile w/i the last year or 2 the top right will kinda hurt. Nothing like the bottom ones but still uncomfortable. Well its hurty today. I have been rubbing my tongue up there. It feels like a tooth is pushing up against my gums. There is no room in between my back molar and my jaw. I am praying this is not a damn tooth or I am going to be miserable. Sigh..

I am a bad blogger

So yeah Kevin spent the night last week. I was the happiest woman in the world for 12 hrs...until he left. I hate being apart from him. I am counting down the days till I move to Dallas w/ him.

Oh yeah...

Since he got the job in Dallas I asked him what that meant for us and he said he wants me there. We talked some more about the details of that and he is thinking Feb for me to come up there. My lease isnt up till March so we'll see. I have had a lot of people giving me their opinions about this, when I havent asked, and I understand all the concerns people have but ultimately its my decision. My mind is not made up 100% and Kevin and I have a few serious conversations between now and then.

Yesterday was Rylands 18th bday. Very sad day for me and my mom. I went to him page and saw all the messages from his friends. It brought tears to my eyes. God I miss him so much. His 16th, 17th and 18th bdays have been spent locked up. I hope he is out before his 19th bday.

Ok I am going to try and start blogging more then once a week again, so I'll come back tomorrow or Thurday. For real.

Yay Last Night

Kevin spent the night for the first time last night. Man it felt to good to have him there w/ me...

oops never finished this one...I back dated it to the correct date

brb w/ a new post

Catch Up

After last weeks post I had pretty much decided that Kevin and I needed to have a serious talk. I wasnt going to continue this way. Its too stressful and I dont think I was being irrational. I sent him an email overnight Thurs/Fri morning. The email is below:

So...I completely understand that you have a whole lot going on right now. So it makes it hard for us to physically see each other. But I don't understand silence. 2 weeks in a row we've gone days w/o "speaking." Its hard for me to understand how you don't even have 5 mins everyday to log in and just see how I'm doing or a quick phone call would blow my mind. Or even if you are going to MIA for a few days to tell me that, so I'm not sitting here wondering if you changed your mind.
If you aren't interested anymore the proper thing to do is tell me. (Which I hope isn't what you want.)
If you are just swamped and tired, please remember that I want to be a part of your life, I love you and being left alone and in the dark is hurtful and lonely and frustrating and heartbreaking....etc.
Please understand I'm not trying to be a bitch at all. My feelings are hurt. And I was looking forward to talking to you last night, only to have been forgotten...
If I have this all wrong and I've missed something please let me know.
<3
Rhianna
PS I'll be waiting to hear from you.

Friday when he got to work at 6pm he logged in and messaged me inviting me to his work. I get there and the first think he does when he opens the door is say he's sorry and hugs me tight. We go in his office and I explain to him why I feel the way I do. We end up talking for hours. About everything. Laughing our butts off, telling stories, etc. It was so nice. We talked about the plans for Dallas (he got the job and has to move :'( I am so bummed). He told me more about Johnathan, his son and his level of Autism. He opened up more to me Friday night then ever before so far. Normally I do most the talking, not on purpose, if I stopped we'd just sit there. But not this time. lol

The hours flew by and before we knew it it was 11. The party he was working was supposed to end at 11 so we wrapped up our convos and started heading for the door. As I leaving he pulled me back and said I didnt have to leave just yet and the look in his eyes... I hadnt seen that in awhile. He had been so stressed w/ everything going on he had forgotten us. He's a cuddler and loves to just hold me. I stayed awhile longer and when we heard the music stop upstairs, he walked me to my car, where he promised me to not leave me hanging and told me that as soon as I meet Johnathan our relationship will totally change, for the better. So... I'm waiting on that now.

Since Friday we have talked all day Saturday, a little Sunday and he messaged me today to say he was on his way home and he would message me when he got home. He is supposed to come over tomorrow and spend the night for the first time. OMG I am so excited. I took tomorrow off so I can make sure my house is presentable.