Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Monday, December 31, 2012


Man...people just pissed me off at work. We got the official email for our new schedules. Now I have been screwed over and have been patiently waiting for this for...hmmm...6 months. And technically I wasnt even part of this shiftbid. Since I was completely screwed over I got to pick my shift first. Once I picked they pulled my shift out and then sent the shifts out. But anyway people feel like that wasn't fair. FUCK YOU! Get over it. My thing is this, what my schedule is and why I got it are my business. How abut you just worry about you? Now I know I'm nosey too but I dont get ugly. Thats the difference. So...20 days till my new schedule starts. Yay!!

Saturday, December 29, 2012


I have kinda quickly started looking my blog for the 2nd half of my year and

July- My carpel tunnel was really bad. I was in so much pain and my hands and fingers were pretty much numb 24/7. I stayed single and on my dating break. I went and saw a garage apt from a friend of a coworkers. And decided to move in at the end of the month. Celebrated July 4th w/ family at the annual LC Park thingy and then went swimming. My blog turned 1 year old. Kelli had and placed Dylan for adoption. The same family as Reese. I celebrated my 30th bday w/ a fun 3-0 party w/ my fam. Went to Temple and moved into my new place.

August- Got settled into my garage apt. Kelli totaled her car. Basically had no internet and barely any cell coverage. Finally saw an ortho for my hands. And got cortisone shots which took away all my pain. Won concert tickets on the radio. Struggling w/ being single and feeling lonely. Decided to restart my dating profile. Had a flat tire, flat tire, blow out. Someone searched for Dead Guys email address and found my blog. Messaged Jon on okc after he checked out my profile. Gave him my number and texted a lot. Supposed to talk on the phone the night I got the blow out. Got stood up 4 times. But had a great first date with Jon. Dinner at Gringos.

September- 2nd date w/ Jon. Movies. Reminded that I am happier when I am faithful and go to church/pray regularly. Bday dinner w/ my dad. VMA party w/ Krystal. 3rd date. Bowling. 4th date. Dinner and back to my place to watch a movie. THE FIRST KISS YAY!! 5th date. 6th date. The offficial talk. We are facebook official. I finally have an awesome boyfriend. Yay. Hmm the 2nd/3rd/etc kisses. And the spark :) Went to his place for the 1st time. I fell in love w/ Jon. Chance and J met. He gave me the Kindle Fire. Spent the night for the first time, celebrated our 1 month and said I love you. Man this month was just all J all the time. lol

October- Reading 50 Shades of Grey kinda w/ Jon. He already read them. Dinner w/ Danny and Donna for the 1st time where Donna started moving me in, figuratively. Decided to wait to move in. Spent my off days at Jons house. Tried to leave for work but had a flat and ended up getting 4 new tires. Thanks babe. Eeesh. Decided to move in together at end of month. lol Got my smash book. I hate going back "home" to my apt on Fri nights. Finally told Juan I was moving out. Riley's Baptism and J meeting most the fam. Dinner w/ my mom and Pedro. Lunch w/ his mom and we went to the San Jacinto Monument and USS Texas Battleship. Dealt w/ the Donna 6 month fiasco. Officially out of my apt. Our 2 month anniversary. Carving pumpkins w/ Krystal. J and K meeting for the first time.

November- Got Chance forever. Did a daily thankful post for Thanksgiving. Participated in NaBloPoMo. The election. Danny went on a coke binge. They threaten to leave and J and I get prepared to be tight $$ wise. Krystals baby shower. Got Guitar Hero. J and I picked out our song. We also found our spot for our weekly date nights. I had a slight freak out but got over it. Had our first Thanksgiving, first at his moms then at my gmas. Bonfire at The Deweys. 3 months!!

December- I have another and the last irrational freak out. I get baby fever over baby Everett. Started Christmas shopping and planning for Jon. Rylands bday sparked a sad post. We got our Christmas tree. Found out I was going to have to work Christmas. Started the 12 days of Christmas. Our first Christmas. And today...our 4 month anniversary!!

Welp... that was the 2nd half of my yearly recap.
What can I say? I am def 100% happier going into Jan 2013 as I was Jan 2012. And the 2nd 1/2 was way better then the 1st. Thanks to my awesome bf. It was really neat reading back over our courtship. lol So sweet. I love my man. Cant wait to go home and kiss his face off and thank him for the last 4 months.
2013 will be awesome w/ him by my side. I just know it.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Jan-June Recap

I decided I wanted to do a Yearly Wrap Up. This last year sure has been a interesting one. I can think of a few major events. But I am sure as I read over each month lots of little things will pop up. Yay. Or not. And I will put links to the monthly recap and maybe some links on really popular entries.

January- Oh gawd...I almost dont even wanna recap this month. Basically it was supposed to be me and Kevins 3rd month together. He had moved to Dallas and I was waiting to move up there in Feb. He died in a car accident. And I was devastated...But then its all lies. All of it... I spent the rest of the month trying to figure out things. I did meet Marc that month and he has become one of my best guy friends and I am so lucky he came into my life when he did bc he really saved me from Kevin.

February- I didnt blog much in Feb. I was still very much trying to come to terms w/ the whole dead guy thing. We were broken up. I was moving on. I finally told the blog about Ryland, his whole story and he finally took a deal and started his sentence. I got flowers for valentines day. I went to Temple for work and celebrated my mommas bday. My carpel tunnel and sulfate allergies where really beginning to flare up. And I got my new phone. I also met Troy that month too.

March- I found out that dead guy was married. And I took him back...for a week. But then I regained consciousness. The lease was finally up in the apt me and my ex shared, so cleaning and packing all that up was kinda nice, to be done w/ that. I blogged even less this month. I moved into my grandparents.

April- Another slacker month of blogging. I re-entered the dating world, sorta. I was very wary. I didnt trust anyone. I pretty much relied on my friendship w/ Marc for male companionship. (Not like that, pervs) Just as someone who kinda kept me from feeling like I needed to rush into dating. I started talking to Chris. Went to Temple again.

May- Stayed at Krystals for a week. Had my first date w/ Chris. I was itching to get back out on my own. Kelli left rehab for the millionth time. I found a cute little house. Chris and I continue to date. Tried to move into the house but had mold and other issues. Chris and I spent Memorial Day Weekend at my gmas.

June- Chris and I "broke up." Quotations bc I dont think we were ever really official. June was emotionally hard for me. I was very stressed about family and then trying to date w/o dealing w/ assholes who were just trying to get in my pants. So I quit dating. Took a break. Chris and I tried to stay friends. My alternator went out on a trip to Temple. My brother and Erin had their baby, lil Riley Celine.

OK I'll stop there. The first half of the year kinda sucks. Hmm I wonder how the rest of the year will go :)

Its seems like so much of my time was consumed by either boy drama or family drama. But I mean, what else am I gonna blog about. When things are peachy, I dont blog bc what am I gonna say "yep still happy over here" lol. Yeah...

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Camera Dump

Best Snack
They love each other
Xmas Bfast @ his moms

Someone is spoiled
Yay GC!
my purse and ipod from J

Christmas Haul

As usual I had an awesome Christmas. So blessed by my family. I had a lot of fun shopping for everyone and loved my gifts. I spent Christmas morning w/ Jons and his momma. She made us breakfast and then I finally got to open presents. After that I went to work until 3. Jon picked me up from work and we headed to my aunts where my family wait for me to show up to open presents. After that we just socialized for awhile until both J and I were getting sleepy. Plus the weather was getting bad. The temp was 78 on the drive to mom-in-laws ;) and then by the time we got home it was 42. Brrrrrr.

So heres what I gave:
*12 Days Gifts
*3 new shirts
*New Jeans
*Portal 2 Replica Gun
*Mini Nerf Gun
*Queer as Folk Complete DVD Set
*Star Wars Bank thingy
Ronnie-USB cord and GC to AMC
Riley-Toy Piano thing
Kacie and Randy (people we drew) GCs

And my haul from:
*Toaster Oven
*Crock Pot
*Pretty custom jewelry box

*iPod Nano
*Purse (that I have wanted soooo bad)
*GC to itunes

Melissa-GC to Bath Body Works
Barbara-Scentsy Pot w/ scents and fuzzy socks
Ronnie-Kindle Fire cover

Jon got a GC to Academy and Game Stop from my family.

I know its not about the giving or receiving but I like to post so I can remember 1, 5, 10 years from now what an awesome Christmas I had w/ my family.

Merry Christmas everyone. Cant wait to read everyones post about what they gave and got!!

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Struggling Here

2 Days till Christmas. OMG. I am excited but not at the same time. I am so bummed out that I have to work. I'm wondering how J and I are gonna work this out. And if my family is going to wait on me. Ugh gosh I wish they would. Its not like I get to go to anything ever. Meh
Plus I'm sick. I have this awful sinus thing going on. So much pressure in my head, my nose is stopped up but running? And I have a mild fever and sore throat off and on. I really dont wanna be sick on Christmas. My damn head feels like its gonna explode.

Had a nice night w/ my love. Hes off until Weds. He doesnt know what hes gonna do w/ himself. I sure have enjoyed doing the 12 days for him. He is most deserving of it, thats for sure. I hope he really enjoyed it too. And I am looking forward to Christmas morning. And to see what I got too. Oh and see my momma open hers.

I dont know what but I havent been feeling the blog lately. Much more into tumlr. Maybe I'll do a year in review recap post in the next few days. Hmmm....

Friday, December 21, 2012

How was your trip?

Man I have been slacking.

The trip to see Ryland went really well. I rode w/ my parents and Ronnie. We had so much fun and it was so good to see Ryland. We got to take pics and as soon as we get them I will post here. He got to wear a cap and gown. My mom cried so much. And my mom and dad only got into one little fight that was about 2 mins long.

Poor lil J was so sad for me to leave. It was our first time apart. I was only gone for 1 day. How bad would it have been if it was longer. But he survived and we made it thru our first trip apart. lol

I am getting a little tickle in the back of my throat. And I was feeling a little feverish earlier. This would be a terrible time to get sick.

The 12 days of Christmas are going well. Heres a recap of what hes opened so far:
  • 12 Scratch offs - He won $5
  • $10 GC to Subway
  • 10 Candles to light the bedroom ;)
  • 9 Songs on a Youtube Playlist
  • 8 Rice Krispies
  • A bunch of Reese's
  • Double Stuff Oreos
  • $15 GC to 5 Guys
  • 4 month anniversary photo collage
  • ....
3 more days to go. I am getting antsy for my presents now.
K I'm lame and dont really feel like blogging today.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Crafts and Christmas

The new year is almost here and because of pinterest I have been thinking of some things I want to do w/ J and I as we start our first new year together. I saw this:

Start a one-line-a-day gratitude journal. Before bed, simply jot down one happy memory from that day. (If you have kids, you can ask them, "What was the best part of today?") Reflection is an important part of happiness, and pausing to reflect on a positive event from each day cultivates gratitude.
And while I dont think I want J and I to do a journal, I had mentioned to him the jar w/ the post it notes and said I would like to do that. So maybe combine the 2. I already have the jar. Just need some post it notes. IDK I think its cute.

Today is my Friday, whoop whop wop. Tomorrow morning J and I are going to his moms church for her Christmas concert thingy. Then I need to empty out my car and get it ready for the drive to Raymondsville. Going to see Ryry graduate. OMG I am so excited to see him. And there will be a luncheon too which is cool and pics that will be sent later. Yay!! I cant wait to give him a hug.

Today is the 10th day of Christmas. But I cant tell what the gift is bc hes opening it tonight when I get home. I am really enjoying these days. And I cant wait till Christmas morning. I hope he likes everything. So I talked to my boss and got my hours moved for Christmas day. Its not perfect but its better. I can spend the morning w/ J's fam, work for 4 hours and then my family from 4:30 on. I asked my mom to see if the fam would agree to moving dinner later. We will see.

Friday, December 14, 2012

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Wednesday I ran around literally all day getting things together for The 12 Days of Christmas that I am doing for J. I got home in just enough time to wrap everything up, shower and get ready. It was date night!! Yay! :) We went to our usual little Mexican place right around the corner. Wasnt too impressed w/ my dinner but still a good night out w/ my love.
Then bc I couldnt stand it I wanted him to start the 12 Days. I gave him the option of going 12-1 or 1-12. He chose 12 first. So he got 12 scratch off lottery tickets. And this morning he got a GC to Subway for $10.
Yesterday I finally decorated for Christmas. I had been putting it off first bc Mr Picky was trying to find the perfect tree, which he did. And then I was gonna change the color scheme but decided I was ok w/ silver and blue. I decorated the mantel and fireplace, and the stairs too. So its def feeling like Christmas now. We did decide the tree was missing something, it needs another punch of color. We think a deep red ribbon wrapped around will finish it off.
PS The cowboy hat was kind of a joke. We didnt have a topper and I kept looking at the hat going, I think that would actually look good. Wrapped the hat in silver garland and stuck it up there. We loved it.
So Pretty.

PPS I got bad news when I got to work today that I have to work 4 hours on Christmas 2-6. BULLSHIT. I am pissed but trying to not have another bad day...

A Letter


Dear Ryland,

Happy 19th Birthday baby brother!! I cant believe you are 19. Holy crap. Time sure has flown by. You know I was 11 when you were born? We lived in the blue duplex in Dickinson. I was in 6th grade and went to Dunbar. I was really hoping you would be like Ronnie and be born on a school day. But nope momma went into labor early Sunday morning. I was spending the night at gmas. But someone called and woke gma up bc we went over there in the morning instead of church.
Momma is such a weirdo and had you at home naturally like me and Ronnie so I watch you being born. I remember Krystal started feeling woozy so we walked across the street to the coke machine to get her a soda.
When you finally greeted us momma actually said put it back when they said you were a boy. LOL Oops She wanted a girl. We were all surprises as far as our sex. Told you momma was weird. You were gonna be named Rayna Jazmine. But since you were a boy (duh) they named you Ryland Gordon-Lewis McCloud. Your middle name is after mom and dads fathers.
You were a good baby and adorable of course. When you were 9 months old you got really sick and wouldnt eat. Everyone was so worried about "fattening" you up. I remember gma brought over jello, pudding and ice cream. Anything to get you to eat. Whatever happened to you or just genetics you were tiny from then on out. You could fit into you baby clothes until you were almost 5. Weird.
Also around that time was when you started your evilness. Man you were mean and so bad. You would spit your milk on people. Steal things from my room and then when I'd chase you you'd run into your room and throw it. Which numerous times that was fingernail polish and resulted in broken glass and polish all over the walls and carpet.
You were also EXTREMELY insane about your food and clothes....just really anything. Your tantrums where on a whole other level. You would throw your body back slamming your head into anything, walls, concrete, whatever. If you wanted waffles for breakfast and we cut them, or didnt cut them, or put syrup on them, or didnt put syrup, if we accidentally touched them, ugh the list goes on and on.
BUT you were then and still are super sweet. The most lovable and loving little boy. Cuddly and warm. SO affectionate. And you could always make us laugh. Oh man, remember how you used to do your stripper dance. You were obsessed with your body. :) I wont tell all your stories. You'd probably be embarrassed. Sorry. I love you.
You were also the one to nickname me Lala. From the time I was learning to talk and every baby since then has always said Nana (Nah-nah) when trying to say my name. You called me Nana for about 2 weeks then decided yourself to call me Lala. From then on I am Lala. The family still calls me Lala. And I forget that other people, people outside the family done know Lala...
Which is why I have been so sad today...

The last letter you wrote got thrown away...My heart is broken. I know its just one letter but we dont get to share our lives like a normal brother and sister.

This is your 4th bday behind bars. You made some choice real early on that werent the best. No one will understand why you did. But we all hope and pray for you that this was your wake up call. You are serving your time. And when you get out you will still be young. Yes it will be tough but you are made from tough genes. We are not a weak family. Every single one of us will support you and help you 100% as long as you are doing the right thing.

Ryland. You and I have always had a strong bond. You are my mini me...just more extreme. lol I am also very emotional and hard headed. You got my named tattooed on you before momma's. This time about has been so hard on me. But I suck it up. I hold in the tears (mostly) and I go on. I just miss you so much...

Just please please please remember your actions affect everyone who loves you. Dont go back. My heart cant take it.

I love you.
Your Big Sister,

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Christmas is Coming

I am getting so excited and antsy about finishing up my Christmas shopping. And I am also doing a "12 Days of Christmas" for Jon. So I have been putting that together too. OMG I love Christmas. Weds when I get paid I'm gonna get the rest of my gifts and all the stuff for wrapping them up. And I need to get some stuff to decorate the tree.

Ugh my abs are killing me, so is my throat. I had my heartburn/reflux throw uppy thing last night. So Jon got to see that for the first time. I was so annoyed. I hate when that happens. If I catch it soon enough its not too bad but it was really bad last night. Its took forever to settle my stomach afterwards. I need to buy some crackers to keep in the room. That was one of the reasons it was so bad. Normally I eat some bland to reduce the acid but there was nada. was so bad. And Jon was able to fall asleep in the middle of it, once I told him that I'm ok I mean. Thats like the #1 reason I wanna lose weight. Boo.

Hmmm I am wondering how the weight loss thing is gonna go between my schedule changing and us moving. Its really gonna depend on me cooking every night. I'm asking my mom for a crock pot for Christmas so guess we'll be eating a lot out of there, lol. But I dont wanna put off making our "life style" changes till April. I am eager to get this show on the road. I usually start to feel better physically pretty quick, within about 30lbs or so. I start sleeping better, my skin looks better, etc. And I am tired of my ankles swelling up everyday. Thats a new thing that just started about...hmm...4 months ago and I HATE it bc its a daily reminder that "hey you're still fat!!" Thanks ankles/poor circulation, I know! But the point of that was that I hate going upstairs to cook. Makes me feel like I am invading their space.

Ok well my evening is almost over.
Me :)

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Sneaky Devils

I dont exactly know the reason but I have been letting little things here and there distract me from my happiness. It clicked to me today and I am not gonna deal w/ that shit. I have a whole lot to be happy about right now. And no one or nothing deserves to take that away from me. I am in love w/ an awesome man, he loves me and I deserve to be 100% happy right now. I am conscious of what I was letting happen and it wont be happening anymore.

I cant get enough of him. He makes me so happy. I love our time together. The giggling over dorky things. Holding hands riding in the truck. So yeah I am not gonna waste my time, our time, I'm not gonna waste one moment on that any more. My focus is back where it should have stay.

I long you top honey bunches of oats ;)

"And he is good, so good..."

Friday, December 7, 2012

Oh Baby, baby fever...

So...moving along after that last overly emotional post. Just gonna say I talked about it w/ Jon and a close friend and you will hopefully not see those post from me anymore.

Tuesday I drove to Clear Lake to see Krystal and lil baby Everett. They got to come home Tuesday afternoon. I dropped off Chance w/ my ex, went and saw my gma for a few, it was her bday, and then went to Krystals for awhile. Everett is a great little baby. He snuggled up w/ me for hours. Literally drooling down my shirt. Such a comfy little bugger. Stayed over there for awhile till we all got sleepy. Came home and realized I had a horrible splinter in my foot. J had fun trying to get that stupid thing out. I was screaming bloody murder. Why do those dumb things have to hurt so bad!!? UGH.

Did a whole bunch of nothing yesterday. My stomach was cramping so I just laid around, sleeping, watching tv. Jon had to go to a class till late. So it was a pretty boring day. Today wasnt that much more exciting. Got Chance back.

Yup. That was about it. lol

Spent some much needed cuddle time w/ J. I miss him when a few days go by and we just kinda see each other in passing. During our cuddle talks tonight I ask him if he felt like we were just like floating thru the days. Like not really living. Waiting so we can our life together. Just going day by day, marking another day off the countdowns. 44 till my schedule changes, which that one will be a big one for us. I cant hardly wait till we can actually spend every night together AND weekends. WHAT!!? Whats that? Will we be able to handle it? lol Of course we will. Then in Feb/March we will be looking and moving into our own place. We have to be out of here by April 2. I'm sure we wont wait THAT long, but we can use that for a countdown. Hold on, lemme count it up...brb...

Oh boy. I cant freaking wait. Seriously.
Mkay well I had really planned on going to bed early but I freaking fell asleep w/ J when we were cuddling...dang it...

Anyone watching X Factor?

Monday, December 3, 2012

Sorry J this ones gonna upset you

I wanna start off this post w/ saying:
  1. I am being irrational.
  2. I am very happy.
I'm just having an "off" day. So I need to do some dumping of my emotional baggage.

I'm not sure what is exactly is triggering this "freak out." Well...yes I do. It all stems from something seemingly so innocent. Something I KNOW isnt an issue. I feel like I am not completely satisfying J. He has done nothing to make me feel inadequate and this is where the irrational thing comes in. I dont want to share our personal issues here, but let me use an example from the 50 shades books (sorry it was the first idea that came to mind). In the book, he gets pleasure out of inflicting pain in the bedroom, but she isnt interested in pain. She struggles w/ the future of their relationship bc she feel how can he be happy LONGTERM if she cant give him want he finds pleasurable. So its kinda like that. Its not that tho, lol. (I'm not opposed to pain) Oh :) Theres that.
Then I get scared about our short time together. I feel like normally couples in our "phase" spend so much time together and it helps build their love. You would never doubt each others feelings or anything bc you know. You can see it over and over all day long. But we dont get that. This schedule leaves too much time for someone like me, a worrier. I'm scared that all this time apart from me that he'll change his mind. That he'll decide he doesnt want to be w/ me. That he doesnt want me in his life...That he'll stop loving me...

That is was all just a lie.

I am so scared. Like as I type this I have tears in my eyes. I cant imagine losing him. I mean, I can imagine it and then I get myself all worked up. I guess I was more fucked up from my past then I thought.

But like I said I know better. And 95% of the time I dont let myself do this. Sometimes I...just feel like...

I dont know what I did to deserve him. To be happy...

Friday, November 30, 2012

Last of the NaBloPoMo Prompts

Monday, November 26, 2012
Do you speak more than one language?  How did you learn the additional languages? - Nope. My class, c/o 2000 was the last class in my school district not required to take a 2nd language for graduation. It was suggested but not req, so...I didnt do it.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012
If you could instantly know any language in the world, which one would it be? - I would love to learn something pretty like French but it would be more practical to learn Spanish.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Tell us about the worst trip you ever took. - Hmmm I cant think of an actual vacation that was terrible. But my ex and I did go out of town for Hurricane Ike. But just barely. We needed to be able to get back quickly bc of his line of work. We stayed at a new hotel, the one w/ the interior hallways, on the 3rd floor. Well we didnt go out far enough, Ike was huge. We lost power around 10pm and it never came back on. We couldnt open the door for ventilation. We had the room for 3 days and couldnt decide what to do, go home and lose the $$ or stay. We finally decided to leave. And had to carry all the stuff down 3 flights of stairs.

Thursday, November 29, 2012
Tell us about three new blogs you found this year. - I cant name just 3. But I did find Tumblr this year and thats been fun.

Friday, November 30, 2012
What has been the hardest part about blogging daily? - I didnt do it, but its just finding something different and semi interesting to say. Yeah I could blog everyday, my post would be like:
Hit the snooze button like 3 times before finally getting up. Let Chance out to potty, he didnt wanna go bc it was raining. Went up stairs to get my clothes outta the dryer. They were still a little damp. I hate that. Texted Jon and Krystal. Got on the comp. Played some farmville. Kept dozing off. It was too quiet. Turned on the tv, it was still on the music station from last night. Played around online for awhile longer. Finally started getting ready. I really need shampoo, conditioner and body wash. How did I run outta everything at once. Lame. Man I need to clean of the comp desk. Oh yeah Chances throw up. Meh, not now. On the way to work I just missed seeing some crazy accident. There were like 20 tow trucks on the scene. A truck managed to take out some poor guys fence. And there was a mini van in the ditch too. Thats about it, now just sitting at work. Annoyed at myself bc I forgot my phone charger.
Hmm...well I guess it wasnt THAT bad. But still.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

God Gave Me You

Apparently I have been slacking on the blogging front. Sorry guys. I was sickly. My free time consisted of sleeping. Or something that didnt require brain power. So Yes. Sunday/Monday was an awesome stomach bug. Actually in terms of a bug, I guess I prefer those types. Never actually threw up. Thought I was. But nope. Just weak, nauseated and kinda blah for a few days.
Tuesday was Melissas bday party and bonfire. J and I went and I'm so glad we made it. I want to bring him w/ me to all functions bc its like...I love my family, I love him. Ding. And hes now apart of the family. Hes sickly too. Worse then me actually. And hes super awesome for toughing out the cold w/ me and sitting outside for like an hr or so.
Got paid today. Ready to start my shopping. Like so ready to be done actually. I know its only the 28 but I'm feeling really anxious for some reason. And no one is telling me what the want. Grrr.
Today is me and Jon's 3 month anniversary. Thats right. Its already been 3 months. 3 months of awesomeness bc we are totally awesome. I couldnt have wish for a better man to have by my side. I've said it more then once, and I will continue to say it over and over until every single person has heard me. I may not have know that everything I didnt even know I was looking for (and some things I did know I was looking for) was in him, but I am so glad we kept going thru the awkwardness of the first few dates. Oh goodness were those adorably embarrassing or what?!? But its cool bc for #1 we have awesome memories to retell each other and #2 we made it thru it. Even if we clinked teeth w/ each other like waaaaaaaaaaaay too many times. No worries we TOTALLY got it down now ;)
In our short time together we have already dealt w/ some pretty stressful situations and I am proud of how we have handled them, together. I am always here for you, babe. You have found your support system, cheerleader, motivator, etc for life in me. Like you said tonight you aint getting rid of me, you're stuck w/ me now. I love you!!

Saturday, November 24, 2012


A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself – to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.
~Leo Buscaglia

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
~Heather Cortez

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life? … to strengthen each other…to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.
~George Eliot

I have never believed in soulmates. I never thought there is one person made for me. One person who I am made for and is made for me. I believed in connections. A click. A spark. I've had all of those. And obviously those never amounted to much. Pain. Broken hearts. Wasted time. Lies. Broken promises.

I've been in love. And even in the moment of love I never felt like that person staring back at me was "the one." Lustful feelings and intimate connections arent the same as a soulmate. I've never felt overwhelmed thinking about me and that other persons love. I have never gotten teary eyed thinking of spending the rest of my life w/ anyone.

Now I feel like I am having to rethink my beliefs on this matter. Jonathan has come into my life and now I feel like we were made for each other. But there are 7 billion people in the world. That cant be possible. Well whether you believe in soul mates or not, I can tell you I have had a change of heart. Theres no way anyone could convince me.

We are better people together. We have improved each others lives. Its only been 3 months and the changes already have been so great. I can only imagine what our future holds for us. It may be unpredictable but I can say we will make it thru by each others side. Supporting each other emotionally, physically and any other way one needs.

As far as my own personal feelings, its as simple as looking at a pic of me w/ him. I'm practically glowing. I am proud to have him by my side, to call him mine. I just...I love this Plain and simple. And when I'm casually passing time "pinning" wedding stuff on pinterest I find myself kinda getting a little overwhelmed thinking about forever w/ J. I feel so blessed that we were picked for each other. And altho I am in no rush to get there, I do love the idea of US, forever.

Dear Jonathan,
Thank you for being a real man. A man who works hard to provide for his future and to achieve his goals. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. All my drama, ex's, family, etc. You dont have to put up w/ this crap but I am thankful you do. Thank you for loving the people and things I love. It means so much to me that you treat Chance like hes yours, and that you want to learn all my cousins names. I love that you read my blogs and that you want to know every thought and detail about me. I feel like about you too. Thank you for being protective over me and looking out for me when it comes to my safety, my health, my car, etc. You may feel like thats a given but so many men have stopped being that kinda man. Thank you for being a perv. :) You make me feel sexy and desirable and I have missed that for far too long. Thank you for letting me be the woman by your side. I love taking care of you. I love being the one to help you on bad days, I love being there to play on good days. Just thank you for being you.
I love you.

Still sleepy, as usual

Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Talk about the opening of your favourite book. - LOL Uh I have no idea. I dont memorize books.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Where is your favourite place to read? - I like to read in bed. Either right before I go to sleep or in the mornings.

Thursday, November 22, 2012
When was the last time that you cried?  Why? - It was probably the day that I opened up about something personal to J. It was about a month ago and its something I am self conscious about.

Friday, November 23, 2012
What is the hardest word for you to say? - Like actual pronunciation? I'm bad w/ certain W's and R's. World War and Revolver. Those are hard for me. If you mean like some other word thats awkward or weird. I have No. I cant tell people no.

So theres my catch up on Nablopomo.

My Thanksgiving

*Started post yesterday*
OMG Work is dead today. Its just now 3pm and I still have 9:30 hours left. Waaaaah. I am falling asleep. Like I cant even entertain myself to not doze off this early in my day, I had to tell my boss not to write me up. Mkay he found some busy work for me to do. That was very helpful. Got me thru till almost my lunch time.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. I had a great one. Minus the part where I had to work. J and I woke up a little early and cuddled and laid in bed together for awhile. Finally I got up and we started getting ready. First stop was taking my car to work. Since I was going to need to be back to work by 7:30 it was the best case scenario. After that we headed out to his mommas for lunch and to watch the Texans game. I enjoy being around his mom. Barbara is very nice and friendly towards me. And its a real, sincere attitude. Not forced or fake.

Leaving there we headed to LC to my gparents house to see my family. Jon was very nervous about seeing all my family, but he did very well. I was proud of him. Unfortunately bc they ended up having lunch earlier then normal everyone was ready to go shortly after we got there. I was pretty bummed about that. But there was several hours left before I needed to be headed to work. I made a to go plate and we decided to split.

For the next couple hours I had J drive me around LC, Webster, Friendswood and Alvin, showing him all my old houses, schools, etc. Letting him see the town that I grew up in and how much I love my "small" towns. They are over populated now, but there are a few places left in town where you can get that old town feel.

After all that we headed back to Houston and he dropped me off at work, so I could work my 4 stupid hours. Just 58 More days till the schedule change!!

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Monday, November 19, 2012
If you had to get locked in some place (book store, amusement park, etc) overnight alone, where would you choose to be locked in? - Am I gonna be able to take things? lol Ummm...Target? This is a dumb one.


*inhale thru nose, let out long happy sigh*
Guys...seriously. Today was an awesome day. I went to the grocery store and got dinner for tonight and tomorrow. I cooked J one of his favs and it came out so good. I had his plate waiting for him when he walked in the door. I packed his lunch and picked up the laundry. Did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. We had an adult beverage, watched tv, and I laid in his lap. Then headed to bed.
Nothing makes me happier then to take care of my man. Being "wifey" theres something inside me that actually makes me physically happy to do these things. Its all I have ever wanted. Ever since I was little, I wanted to be a housewife. I'm glad that my new schedule will allow me to do these things regularly. I am really happy dont know if you can tell :)

Kelli is going back to rehab. Monday on my way to work we ended up talking on the phone for 45 mins and she admitted to me that she was tired of fighting her addiction. I told her that she needed to considering doing Teen Challenge. And long story short shes going. I hope this one is the one.

Mkay I had planned on typing up more, but I am falling asleep at the comp desk so...nighty night :)

Friday, November 16, 2012

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts The Most

First of all, why blogger did y'all let me get all worked and worry J. Hmmm its all y'alls fault. lol No but yeah I'm ok. When J got outta the shower this morning we talked. And like I said I knew I was being irrational. And I talked to Marc about it too and he had some good advice. Basically our relationship is moving to a more comfortable place. And its not a bad thing. I'm glad we made it this far and I'm excited to see where we are going. And I'm sure where ever it is, we will to it together :)

Friday, November 16, 2012
Would you buy your dream house if the price was right BUT you also were told it was inhabited by ghosts? - lol uh...yeah I would. My parents house is "haunted" too. So I'm comfortable living around ghost.

Mkay...I dont feel much like blogging right now.

Just Need to Get that Out

I'm scared...

I dont even know what to say here bc I know I'm being irrational. But the emotional side of me is struggling. J and I are getting to a more relaxed comfortable place. And I'm glad but I worry...

I am not even capable of getting this out right.

Lemme try to just type and see if this comes out right.
I am scared hes gonna stop loving me. Or maybe he already has. I am afraid that hes gonna change his mind. The little things are already starting to go away. And I am such a little things kinda girl. Or maybe I am just not noticing them. Maybe its me. Maybe I've gotten comfy. I know the sexual desire is there. I'm not at ALL concerned w/ that...well kinda but more not blogging about our personal life like that sorry.

I just dont wanna lose the newness too soon. I want to make sure we enjoy this time together for as long as possible bc I can see us lasting forever. And forever means the newness will fade into comfy place...

I am in no rush to get there. I love the slow build up...


NaBloMoPo Catch Up

Monday, November 12, 2012
Where is your favorite place to blog? - Hmmm right where I am right now actually. J is sleeping peacefully after a long day at work, coming home to me and us enjoying our evening together. Chance curled up next to him. The soft light of my bedside table filling the room. I have my playlist playing on youtube w/ J's fancy headphones on. Sitting in my pjs at the desk in the bedroom.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012
What is the bravest thing you've ever done? - Brave? I dont know if brave is the word, but walking away from my marriage. It was the hardest thing I have done in my life. I am too compassionate and caring and it was very hard to do the right thing for myself. But I finally had to just do what I knew was right. And I know it was the right decision.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Tell us about the best meal you ever cooked. - Not to brag on myself but I can cook anything I have tried to make so far and it always turned out great. Its not hard. But on of the best that I can think of was chicken cordon bleu. I made it from scratch when I was a freshman in HS.

Thursday, November 15, 2012
Tell us about your favorite pet. - Well that would be my Chance-y Lou of course. My 10 lb toy poodle that I now have all the time. Got him back from my ex and I am so happy. Hes white w/ black spots. Very hyper, loves all people, especially kids. Very naughty. I love him.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Too Tired to Finish

We went to dinner tonight. I was really in the mood for Mexican, so he took me to this place literally around the corner. We had a few drinks and enjoyed being alone for awhile (dont know if I mentioned it but they are The margaritas....holy crap. Hehhehe. Lemme just say I like getting tipsy w/ my honey. Theres something about tequila that makes me wanna be bad. lol He kept telling me....something...urrr I think he was telling me to be good. I cant help that I wanna jump him. I ALWAYS wanna jump him but when I drink I dont care that we are in public.
Hmmm what did he say? I remember he said something about people being in ear shot, OH yeah I was trying to lick his finger. Omg...well I am feisty. lol.
Anyway he was a little buzzed too and we need to drink together more. That was fun. Just not tequila. Makes me wanna puke after the 3rd drink. Rum is YUM!

OK yeah I be sleepy sleepy now...

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Weekend Pics

All the Ladies (-2)

Krystal and I

Riley found her feet

This morning w/ my love

So cute

NaBloPoMo Promts

Thursday, November 8, 2012
If you could have any job (and instantly have the training and qualifications to do it), which job would you want? - Really? Thats hard to say. A teacher maybe. I know it says any job but I mean like scientist sounds cool but would I really wanna do that. Honestly all I have ever wanted was to be a stay at home mom. My mom had to work. And she didnt just work a reg 9-5 job. My mom worked nights, weekends, holidays, and went to school, etc. So I really just wanna be there for my kids in a way my mom couldnt. I want to go to PTA meetings, be a classroom mom, volunteer in Girl Scouts or Little League, etc.

Friday, November 9, 2012
If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would it be? - I dont like thinking of that. I feel like everything happens for a reason. But maybe just fast forward to April. So J and I could be on our own.

I Can be Thankful for Items, Right?

#10 Cell phone - I know this sounds materialistic but its really become a way of life. Yes, I can live w/o one. I have done it. I just dont prefer it. My cell is the only phone I have, as most people now a days, no home phone. And of course it does so much more then make phone calls. I am one of those who google answers. I get directions and phone numbers. Business hours and menus. Facebook. Texting. I love my phone.

#11 My Car - Another potential materialistic answer. I drive a 2002 Acura 3.2 TL. She not too fancy, I mean she was at one point. But shes older now. She looks nice. Silver. Reliable. Fast and safe. I have done a decent job taking care of her and now I would say I take great care of my car, heh thanks J. Shes not my dream car. I wouldnt have picked her if I had unlimited options. But she worked for what I had to work with. I will have her paid off in about a year. Almost at 200,000. I am hoping she last awhile longer. I think she will. Shes got a good mechanic in the family now :)

Kiss Me Goodnight

I feel like I am falling apart. For a few weeks I have been getting adjusted to our new bed, so I was a little sore in the mornings. But here lately I have been having more and more pain. My arms/shoulders and hands/wrist again. And I dont think I am taking in any sulfate...wait...I just got new lotion about a month ago. I guess I need to check that. Damn. I bet thats it. Goodness. I hate my body sometimes.

The baby shower went really well. I always love anytime I can spend w/ family, especially Krystal and my mom. Afterwards I stopped and met a lady to buy Guitar Hero for xbox. Got home and played a little waiting for J to get home. We had the house to ourselves last night. Wahoo ;) and after enjoying several hours of uninterrupted and unrushed time together I crashed hard. I was asleep before midnight. That never happens. This morning I woke up and apparently last night I pulled a groin muscle. Heh. Oops. But oouuuuuuuuuuuuuchy. Hurts so bad today and its getting worse as the day goes on. Awesome. o.o

One of the things J and I did last night was pick "Our Song." We picked Gloriana's Good Night. It became radio popular over here right around the time we started dating. And it really kinda fit us. Makes us both think back to those first few dates. And even tho it wasnt that long ago I already get a nostalgic feeling thinking back to those nights. Dinner at Gringos. Movies. Bowling. Movies. Dinner. I can still go back and almost feel the anticipation, the nerves that I had those days. Its so funny to me now. Thinking about when I would be waiting for him to show up. Like the first time we went to the movies. And we didnt sit next to each other I was literally screaming in my head, at myself, to SCOOT OVER. Ugh. lol Anyway yeah. It fits.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

#8 #9

#8 My guy friends - I was gonna say Marc, Thomas and Troy. Marc and I seem to have had a falling out.* I have always been one of the girls who has gotten along better w/ men then women. Dont get me wrong, I have female friends. But more male then female usually. And the relationships are totally different. The dynamic is unique. Me and my guy friends are more casual. No bullshit, no drama. Just tell me like it is. When I was still single and struggling w/ all the crap I went thru these 3 guys were there for me. They listened to me. They made suggestions. Real stuff. And since they are men (duh) they would call me out on things I was doing that were wrong, or point out when a guy was douche. Marc was good for keeping me accountable to my standards and morals. Thomas was good for the guys perspective and Troy was the no-nonsense/wtf one. I'm not saying I always listened or took their advice but I am still grateful to have had them around. And they are also fun to shoot the shit with. Now that I am in a relationship they are all happy for me and are still good for relationship advice now...except Troy...he's single. lol

*more on this later

#9 My Church - I was baptised, confirmed and married in the same building. I went thru all years of Sunday School and did the youth group thing, Choir. Summer Camp, Winter Camp. I love the people inside those walls and feel home there. Sunday morning spent there always recharge my batteries and get me ready to face the world for the week. I miss going every Sunday. I know faith has nothing to do w/ the building but I do believe its good to come together w/ like minded people and have fellowship and worship together.

Well I am off today and about to head out for Krystals baby shower. 4 more weeks till baby Everett makes his debut. I am excited and nervous. Krystal is like my last childless friend. I am so scared I will never have kids and miss that opportunity to be a mommy. (J dont freak out here) But I do def want 1 (or 2 max). I want to be pregnant and experience creating a life. Plus to love someone and then create a life with them, is like, what we are here for. Hmmm yeah....
k gotta go

Friday, November 9, 2012

My Thoughts Exactly

Saw this on Facebook. Written by Rob Ellsworth
I'm seeing Americans post photos of our Flag hung upside down because the President won reelection. They're defending this action as a "Naval sign of distress". Let me tell you something: you are not on a battleship, you are a manager at McDonalds in Follansbee, WV, and you are in fact, a lunatic.

I've avoided "spiki...
ng the football" over a great night for the President and for common sense in the Senate - Richard Murdock and Todd Akin deserved more than a loss. But I've held off, because I respect, am friends with, and on certain issues agree with, many patriotic Republicans who work hard to make this country a better place and simply disagreed with who should be Commander in Chief. That's fair and healthy.

And, I also didn't spike the football because I've lost elections before and I know how terrible it feels.

It's called maturity and not enough people in either party have it.

The following jaw punch is not directed at common sense Republicans, nor does it condone radicals on the Left. It is directed at the right wing fanatics who put party before country, conspiracy before reality, and ideology before science and intellect.

To Tea Party Patriots and hardcore Religious Engineers:

Republicans lost because their party leadership and most candidates feared you, listened to you, and looked the other way on important issues as you picked the dumbest, craziest nominees in key primaries (Murdock and Akin), or converted otherwise sensible, experienced candidates to Crazy Town (Romney).

There's nothing wrong with wanting limited government. I do. There's nothing wrong with believing in God, the Golden Rule, or wanting to reduce abortions. I do, too. But you've taken it too damn far and scare the shit out of people you could otherwise persuade.

Yes, the message and messenger matter (you're failing at both, BTW), but no Madison Avenue P.R. firm, K Street lobbying firm, Fox News "analyst", or local chapter of "Freedom Works" can sell the flaming dung you're slinging.

Smart people can lose. But smart people always learn.

You didn't lose because you "weren't conservative enough" or because the country has become full of lazy "takers" who don't want to earn a living or just want America to "turn in to Europe".

You didn't lose because of Hurricane Sandy or because Chris Christie hugged the President on TV - they were both doing their jobs.

You didn't lose because of a liberal media, liberal college campuses, liberal polls that were "weighted to Democrats" (mostly because they were accurate), or because of "election fraud"... actually, that probably benefited you this time.

No. You lost because your policies, tone, conspiracies, rigid inflexibility and irrational rhetoric helped align enough moderates, swing voters, and minority groups whom otherwise could be persuaded by Republicans, to align with Democrats and a beatable incumbent.

It's not that you didn't get your message out, it's that we all actually heard it and threw up a little in our mouths.

There isn't a mandate for Democrats in this election. Liberalism wasn't rewarded in this election. However, calm pragmatism, compassion, working together, compromise and sincerity were rewarded. People may not have agreed with President Obama, but more felt he was sincere and that he understood their daily problems, fears, and dreams. If you don't trust what the polls say, take a look at who is sworn in on January 20th. I thought you'd at least believe in Math when it came to counting to 270.

Sincerity is the only thing in politics you can't fake. You can't teach it. No matter how shiny a candidate's bio is, how smooth he is, or how perfect the gray hairs rest on his temples --- any average Joe on the street can spot a bullshitter.

Mitt is a generous and good man, but he didn't know who he was or "needed" to be at any given time in that campaign. That's largely his fault for lacking core convictions or personal toughness (Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush possessed both traits - that's why they won).

But you, the right wing base of the party, who drove so many of us moderate republicans out the door years ago, were the main catalyst. Your inability to reason, compromise, or let new facts and evidence challenge your predetermined outcomes led millions of moderates to no longer be able to stand on stage with you.

Frankly, you're embarrassing - more so than a crazy family member at dinner, or having your mom drop you off at a high school dance.

You say stupid shit and look stupid saying it.

You pass amendments to ban flag burning and then hang it upside down and post it on Facebook when you lose.

You preach limited government in the economy when Democrats are in charge and then look the other way when you're in charge.

You want a government small enough to stay out of corporations and banks but big enough for bedrooms and hospital respirators (see Schiavo, Terri).

There's a hatred inside of you that burns in a way that scares normal people.

You made unlikely allies in large corporations who are more interested in tax breaks and loopholes even if the government has to cut your Medicare and Social Security or cut education to a point where states and local governments have no financial choice but to educate your children in portable trailer classrooms with 35 other students.

Would these corporations do this just to help pad their quarterly earnings reports with certain tax and regulatory policies? You bet your sweet ass they do. And you better believe they're happy to have you make the "freedom" argument as "concerned citizen patriots" on their behalf.

Yet, after those corporations spent billions on TV adds and herded you like sheep over the last half decade to discredit Barack Obama for everything from being a "Godless communist" --- to his "being born in Kenya and hatching a secret plot to take down America" --- to Obamacare's "death panels and job killing regulations" -

YOU still lost.

After having a Senate Republican Leader state that his party's top priority in Congress was to make "Obama a one term President" and a House of Representatives that blocked everything he tried to do and then had the brass to criticize him for "not getting anything done" -

YOU still lost.

After attacking gay people who want equal protection under the law (BTW, I'm referring to the 14th amendment to the constitution, I know you forget most of the amendments after the 2nd one) -

YOU still lost.

After attacking the Hispanic community who's tired of being spoken "at" like criminals, attacking low income women who rely on Planned Parenthood for services of which 98% have nothing to do with abortion, and attacking relatively trivial things like PBS that children and adults enjoy as "1" damn television channel that doesn't include Honey Boo Boo or a "Fox News Breaking Alert" announcing Obama's latest "Czar" appointment -

YOU still lost.

And after throwing all the red meat in your warped political base out to the rest of the country to eat, the majority of Americans weren't hungry for it and didn't trust ordering from your unhealthy, de-regulated menu -

YOU still lost.

You can read me the constitution, but you clearly don't have a practical understanding of what you've read, heard on television, or forwarded to your entire email list of like minded xenophobes.

This country is great because our founders were smart enough to limit the government's power and give the people enough freedom and authority to correct their own mistakes in pursuit of a "more perfect union" (it's in the first damn line of the Preamble, in case you can't find it in your Tea Party Constitution Cliffs Notes).

Our founders were utterly brilliant and sophisticated. I don't like to speak for them, but I doubt they would have been friends with Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh or Sarah Palin. Nah, they wouldn't have made the guest list at Mt. Vernon or Monticello.

But let's be clear, our founders weren't perfect. They owned slaves. Only White male property owners had a say in things. Women, blacks, native americans, and other constituencies had to wait for an American dream and in many cases, are still waiting and working for it. Speaking of work, children were working 12-16 hour days with zero safety protections in statute. Zero.

The constitution, subsequent amendments and Supreme Court rulings and opinions since 1800 aren't perfectly clear (those who think they are tend to have had a healthy serving of Kool-Aid and have never watched oral arguments at the Supreme Court).

The founders knew that they, and the constitution they drafted, weren't perfect. This is why they added a Bill of Rights and why they created a Supreme Court and a process that has allowed us to add 27 amendments to their work of art.

Their imperfection is what led to a Civil War to prove that human and civil rights aren't a "states' rights issue" - they're endowed by our creator, not by legislatures in Mississippi or Alabama, and they're protected equally in our constitution, but also in our democratically passed laws.

I run from the Capitol steps to the Lincoln Memorial most mornings that I'm in Washington. I may not be fast or smart, but I can read what's carved in stone.

Please. I welcome a challenge to what I've said. If you think because I voted for President Obama that I'm a socialist or that I don't want a better America, I'm happy to take time from running a business I've co-founded and time from money I'm trying to raise for Big Brothers Big Sisters of America to pause and give you a fresh one. At no charge.

But I do ask this: be a real Patriot. Look at that flag you've hung upside down. Look at what you've done to it and what that means. Thousands of our bravest men and women, braver than me, just lost limbs and in many cases their lives so that Iraqis and Afghanis could vote however they see fit. I did that on Tuesday and so did you. That's what that flag stands for - equal access to a process, not a guarantee for any of our desired outcomes.

A country that defeated Hitler, Mussolini, and bin Laden won't crumble because the guy you wanted to be President got beat.

You lost. Now learn from it.


A Proud American

Not my Thankful post..

Shit is hitting the fan here in the house. The "idiots upstairs" as J puts it, are ruining this set up we had going here. It wasn't perfect but it would have worked till April when the lease was up. But since Danny went on his binge and shit a few weeks ago things have been tense. Then Tues, Donna was talking some shit when the electric got shut off but yet once J was home all of a sudden someone lost their balls and nothing was said. Weds goes by and then today she tells me basically they are leaving as soon as they find a place and Danny gets paid. Oh and the $800 something dollars owed to J, nope they don't owe it so they aren't paying it. I tell her I'm gonna tell J all this, right. I mean why wouldn't I. They are planning on leaving us stranded he needs to know. This of course set off and chain reaction of phone calls and just major drama. Ending w/ J and Danny talking but not really getting anywhere bc he has to talk to Donna. Of course J had prove to show they owe the money. Oh and I'm a fat ass and I showed Danny naked pics of myself. SO...I am going to avoiding her at all cost. Dannys cool. Donna...shes an instigator.
And as far as whats gonna happen w/ J and I in the house, bc we are productive members of society who actual work and shit, we will be fine. Things may be tight till we move but J can carry everything on his $ alone. Of course I will be available to help, even if its only temporarily. (He doesn't like that, HES THE PROVIDER!! lol)
What do I want to happen? Hmmm hard to say. I think at this point I just want them to go. I think if they stay the vibe thru the house will be off. Donna would need to do some serious ass kissing between J and I and I just dont see her doing it.
So they are supposed to be taking this weekend to find something. Probably be out by next weekend.

J feels bad for putting me in the middle of this. This isnt going to be the last hard time we have together. Relationships go thru trials. We are doing this together. Talking it out. Discussing. Venting. Working thru it together. Once this is all said and done, we will be stronger as a couple. Plus we are learning a lot about each other. How we handle obstacles, stress, etc. Good can come from bad.

Ok I'm exhausted...sleepy sleepy?

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I'm thankful and NaBloPoMo

#7 My Country - I know about half of the country is freaking out right now. But the way I see it, if in the next for years he changes or does something that the country doesn't agree w/ worst case scenario the next guy fixes it. I believe nothing drastic will change. And no permanent damage will be done to our independence, freedoms, etc.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Talk about the last compliment you received. - I made a post on my tumlr about some physical body issues I have and J told me otherwise.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I'm Thankful and NaBloPoMo

#6 Extended Family - I have been so lucky to have grown up w/ all my extended family on my moms side. My gpa and gma live in LC, my aunt Pauline and uncle Billy live in Dickinson, aunt Margie and uncle David and Kacie live in Santa Fe, aunt Julie and uncle Aaron, Tiff, Randy and Melodi live in LC. Kelli stays at random places but says she lives w/ my gparents. Melissa and Mike live in Dickinson. Krystal and Matt in Webster. These are all with in 10 mins of each other. My family was in Friendswood. But now its spread out. We still get together for all bdays and holidays. I love have such a strong loving (crazy) family so close.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012
If you were President of the United States, what would be your first act in office? - Uh hmmm make weed legal. Ding. Yep.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Thankful #4 and #5

#4 My Job - I love my job. I would say I am happy 95% of the time. Thats a lot. I enjoy going to work. I like my co-workers and management. I like what I do. Now I do have some things that annoy me and I have bad days. But I get paid well and am appreciated. I have more then a lot of people. Not only do I have a job, I have one that supports me so I can be independent (as a female that is unusual, especially since I didn't finish college), I enjoy it and the people.

#5 My Girlfriends Randi and Krystal - Randi and me go way back, 7th grade actually. And we have been thru a lot. Our friendship now isnt a daily or hell even monthly type friendship. But we know each everything about one another and no matter how much time passes between hang outs and phone calls we will always be there for each other. Krystal is my "everyday" BFF. She is my cousin and we were actually close when we were young but we reconnected a few years ago and since then have had too many fun times together to even count. We should have known what to expect the first time we went out and the drunk guy on the bicycle fell in front of the cop, blocking the road. We have bingo-ed, pooled, swimmed, rockbanded etc ourselves into fits of laughter, snorting, tears, shooting boogers and peed pants. "Why am I still fat" "Maybe bc you're a big fat beast" "WHOOP WHOP WOP" "Uncle Defaults" Shes pregnant and due in less then 5 weeks. I am scared as to what changes our friendship will make. But I think our friendship is solid and sincere enough to last thru the weirdness newness of a baby, especially since now I have a relationship we both are kinda consumed w/ our own things currently but we still make time for BFF time.

NaBloPoMo November

Lets see I am kinda already doing NaBloPoMo. I missed the 1st but I posted twice on the 2nd so....But I still wanna do the prompts. Lets go!

Thursday, November 1, 2012
Tell us your favourite quotation and why. - "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they are right, you believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe

Friday, November 2, 2012
If you could live anywhere, where would it be? - I like the idea of country. Like wide open spaces country. No one around for hours country. A ranch with a few animals. 4x4's to get around and do chores, etc. I would prefer this to be in a place w/ seasons. I used to say Montana. But I think I would have a hard time leaving Texas.

Monday, November 5, 2012
What are your thoughts about tomorrow's election in the United States? - Hahahhaha omg. A few people in my life seem to think that there will potentially be riots and just mass hysteria and such if Obama doesnt win. Honestly I support Obama. I dont think he is a terrorist. Or whatever. But when it boils down to it, who f%^&* cares. As long as my life goes on a normal day in and day out (which I believe will no matter who is in office) then I really dont care. I am one small person in this country. I dont matter. Everyone needs to shut up and move on. GAWD I CANT WAIT FOR THIS DAMN ELECTION TO BE OVER WITH. shitassbitchtitsdickfucksex ugh....

Sunday, November 4, 2012

I dont remember what else I was gonna say

I am quite annoyed currently. My brothers gf. UGH! TEDCVUBLIBKNOIKJMPIKMUHGRFDTYBH!! Yes. Thats about right. So she posted a status on facebook today about how she takes care of Riley not Ronnie and she hates how everyone says Riley looks nothing like her. Yes this is an adult argument to have on facebook.
Then I find out Kelli didnt go to her own daughters 6th bday party. 0.o
Come on people.

Why are some people able to freely make babies??! UGH! I would be a great mom. The best ever! lol

Saturday, November 3, 2012


I will be doing these everyday every time I blog from now thru Thanksgiving.

1 and 2

3. Jonathan and my relationship with him. As I have said so many, many times I have been thru dating hell and back. Meeting J has been a breath of fresh air and I am so madly in love w/ him. Its been a dream come true, from the goofy to the serious to the intimate, each one, every moment. I am so, so thankful that this man wants me to be part of his life. And so blessed that he is a part of mine. I can't wait to see what our future holds.

Friday, November 2, 2012

Thankful for...

I will be doing these everyday every time I blog from now thru Thanksgiving.

  1. My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My faith and relationship w/ Him. I know I am not perfect (no one is) but I still try and live my life for/thru Him.
  2. My mom, dad, Ronnie and Ryland. My mom has been the rock of the family. My dad is the crazy but lovable one. Ronnie and Ryland are the best little brothers a big sister could ask for. I love my crazy family, even if we have become quite dysfunctional.

Happy Halloween

I come home Monday night to a card sitting on the end table and a bag of chocolate. The card was super sweet and there was even a gift card for itunes in it. When I went in the restroom to change I found this little cutie waiting for me. As soon as I picked him up he woke up and he was so loud. lol He is super cute and fun to play with. Each furby has several personalities and J loves to make him evil. He dances to music and sings along. I love it!

Wednesday I drove back to Clear Lake and picked up Chance (forever) and then Krystal. I wanted her to some see me and J's place and meet J. She wanted to carve pumpkins. So after dropping off Chance we found a pumpkin patch, got tools and went to work. I decided I wanted to try and do the one w/ the little pumpkin being eaten by the big one. I did it all free hand w/o a stencil. Its freaking awesome. I wanna save it forever. We passed out some candy then J came home and we took Krystal home. They got along great and it made me so happy to hear them laughing (at my expense) together.

Thursday was date night, J and I went to have dinner. I wanted Fuddruckers. And it was delish as usual. There was a guy there doing caricatures and I wanted to get one but J didn't AND he didn't have any cash. Hes lucky I didn't bring my wallet. lol Afterwards we went to game stop so he could get some new games. Then once home I let him play some of the new game until we went to bed. Side note about dinner. I didn't even bring my phone w/ us to dinner. I have never done that for anyone ever. But when I am with him I don't need it/want it really. I mean not for a date night at least.

I brought all my scrapbooking stuff to work today and got some good stuff going. I did a few pages. Its looking really cute. AND OMG got the bestest work info ever today.  I will have first pick on the shift bid regardless of my ranking so I will get the best schedule for sure. Finally my patience is paying of. Its going to take another 2 months probably, looking like Jan, for it to go thru, but still. I am so happy.

Mkay thats about it. I'm gonna do a Thanksgiving post shortly. I wanna keep a daily what I'm thankful post from now till Thanksgiving.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Hurricane Sandy

So while the east coast is attacked by an aliarkzillacalypsecane I'm siting at work trying to find ways to entertain myself. Today is me and J's 2 month anniversary and he has something going on at the house...some sorta surprise. And its everything bit of the torture for me to sit at work wondering as he wanted it to be. Thanks babe. >.< Grrrr faces! I had so many things and ideas for his gift but have finally settled on ______________________________________. HA! Yeah right. I'm not tellin'! I know hes reads this. Psh.

2 whole months. Craziness. It feels like its been longer. Is thats normal? I bet it probably it. I am so so blessed. I was thinking today on my lunch break, after talking to him, man I never thought we'd be here now. Going all the way back. He viewed my okc profile but didnt message me, so I messaged him. Emailing a few times thru okc until I suggested we text. Asking him to send me a pic. Talking on the phone the night my stupid tire blew out. The dinner at Gringos. I was so freaking nervous. Oh man. I remember Krystal wanted to swim that day and I was like ok but I have to be home in time to get ready for my DATE!!! It was such a big deal to me to have someone date me. That was so nice. So different and refreshing. Thinking about him walking me to my car after dinner makes me smile. Now hes all mine. Awww...he makes me so happy. I love my little dumpling britches :) I am so excited to see where we go together. Happy Anniversary babe.

I am super excited that starting Monday I will be working w/ my little brother Ronnie. He has passed all the steps. Jumped thru all the hoops. And I made sure he was ready. He made it. I think he will do well here. Hes a hard worker and had grown up a lot. I am proud of him. And this "weekend" I am also excited bc my bff Krystal and I are hanging out weds and shes finally meeting Jonathan. Yay! I hope everything goes well and they get along. It will make my life easier.

Mkay guess thats all for tonight.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Nothing Exciting

I am feeling much better since I got all that out in my post yesterday. I cant make anyone understand just how I feel for Jonathan. I catch myself smiling while I'm driving to and from work, listening to certain lyrics or just randomly daydreaming and its bc of him. He "sings" to me. And its so stinking funny and cute. He wasnt feeling well yesterday and all I wanted to do was take care of him. Normally I am a germophobe but I just wanted him better. When I crawled into bed last night he was completly passed out but he was burning up. I just cuddled w/ him for a few mins and prayed for him to get better. He has a love of music and actually listens to words and he related his life to certain songs, which is what I do. And we have done some really goofy stuff together, like tickle fights and taking turns making funny noises while driving...yeah IDK.
So that was a few reasons why I love him.
Our 2 months is Monday and I have been spending the past few days planning what I wanna get him. I have so many ideas. I cant seem to find the one. Dang it. Hmmm And of course he already has mine. Boo. I have no idea what it is. I'm getting off early tonight so we can spend some time together. Yay. I cant freaking wait. I wanna kiss him. Kiss his face off.
Ok Its time for my lunch break.

Friday, October 26, 2012

On My Mind

After I posted Wednesday night Donna came down and wanted to talk to me. Basically the jist of it was there are some people in J's life who feel like I may be using him. Donna feels like she can tell I am not necessarily using him, bc she thinks that since I have been treated so badly in my past that I find J safe. That I am enjoying his company now but it will fade. She gives us 6 months. She tells me not to give up my job, don't go to part time, bc I have already given up enough and then I'll be stuck. She says some other stuff. Basically saying J and I weren't compatible long term. We wont lose weight. He cant do this, he wont do that, etc.

I don't know how to get all this out. I have been processing it for a few days and its still just bugging me. Sitting in the back of my mind. I understand the protective side. J being innocent and the people around him not wanting me to hurt him, etc. But I'm the one whose been hurt. My family is the protective ones. Its weird to be on the "other side." Plus my feelings are kinda hurt. I love J. I haven't felt this way in a long time. And damn sure no one has deserved it as much as J does.

I guess what I need to get out and off my chest is that no I didn't expect to fall for Jonathan. You don't go into a first date expecting anything. Or otherwise you are just setting yourself up for failure. No we didn't have a immediate passionate sexual connection. Yes I have had those in the past. Do I think that is necessary to be present from day one? No. Why not? Bc on day one, and especially for both J and I, we held back. I cant speak for him but I know I was for sure was on guard. And I was for a few dates bc I was scared. And tired. Tired of being hurt. Tired of giving myself to someone only to have them take and take, and lie and use me, etc.

Me and J's relationship is VERY different then any other I have had. Ever. We started slow. He respected me. We dated. We got to know each other. We developed an emotional connection before we were physical. And somehow since I am typically the girl who rushed into physical acts and J isn't that means we aren't gonna work out and I'm using him. That's bullshit.

What I did know about J going in was that he was different. And that did draw me to him. Not bc I wanted to take advantage but bc I feel like I deserve to be treated w/ respect. After the first date, I knew I wanted to know more about him. After the 2nd date I could feel myself starting to have deeper feelings. By the end of the 3rd date I knew I wanted him to be my bf. How in the world is that me using him??

Oh well. If this goes back to the tires, which I'm sure it does, I cant change that. He did that. If its about me living w/ him after such a short time...really? Ummm need I remind you I provided my own way. He didn't move me from my moms to his house, thank you. And if one day he and I decide for me to go part time or hell not work at all, that's between me and J and no one else. Or worsest (lol) case scenerio I need to move out and get my own place I can do that too. So mind yo bid-ness. Mkay.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Quick Bc I'm tired

*I am officially 100% totally moved out keys given back. It was bittersweet. I am so happy J is awesome. But it was my little tiny place. Oh well next chapter in my life.

*I am so tired and sore. My hands are killing me.

*I stayed up too late and in the living room, Donna and Danny just got home...its 2am and damn it I should have run into the bedroom. Shit!

Ugh seriously...I dont know what to do now...J why are you sleeping? Save me...k I'm going. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Ran outta time and didnt post this on Monday night...

So tonight when I get off I'm not going home, I have to go to my apt. Its didnt make sense to drive to Katy when I needed to be back in Clear Lake in the morning. I am planning on being done w/ everything tomorrow. I found someone who needed the bed. Russell is taking the loveseat and the recliner. I'm really ready to get this over and done w/.
I'm kinda sad to not be going home. The apt isnt home and hasnt been in or felt that way in awhile. I am used to feeling J's kisses in the morning when he leaves for work. Hmmm I'm gonna miss him so much tomorrow, but I'm glad I'm off so once he gets off we will have the next few evenings together.
I got my flu shot today and my arm has been sore since. But I am glad I got it. One less thing on my to-do list. But man today has really been a pretty crappy day. So glad its my Friday.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I Want

  • to go home and...
  • take a nap/relax
  • to get the perfect schedule for me and J
  • to carve a pumpkin
  • already be done w/ moving everything (w/o actually doing it)
  • to magically be my goal weight (J too) and...
  • be able to maintain it w/o work lol
  • for my hair to be more grown out
  • to be able to have cute bangs like that chubby girl I posted to my tumblr
  • be able to spend some time w/ my bff before she has her baby
  • get off on a Sunday so I can go see Ryry
  • to be a jogger/runner
  • happily get pregnant when its the right time
  • for J and I to have our own place so...
  • I can decorate it w/ all the pinterest ideas
  • to stop biting my nails
  • a beta fish
  • a jellyfish
  • a fish tank
  • a new purse
  • new clothes
  • some new "toys"
  • a new car just bc
  • to be able to fix everyone who matters to me's problems (Ryland home, mom and dad, Kelli, etc)
  • my car to sync w/ my ipod so...
  • I can download some more/new music
  • dye my hair a non natural color, like purple or pink, just a chunky streak tho
  • get a halloween mani/pedi
  • decorate more for halloween
  • get Chancey a costume
  • J to happily wanna dress up for halloween w/ me
  • to go camping
  • sit around a bonfire
  • colder weather
  • to find my pea coat (I hope I have it)
  • a new phone
  • to play farmville on my work comp
  • to spend life w/ my J <3 :)
Ok thats all I want, lol, for now.

Work Related Injuries

Today has been quite an interesting day at work. It was really slow and there were a lot of people here for OT. So we were all talking and apparently there are a lot of pissed off people. What it mostly boils down to is favoritism. And I found out some stuff that really made me mad. Like the girl who while on the clock, went out to her car to sleep. So the person in charge (no team lead technically that day) called the boss to report her, she was removed from answering service, given a salary position and now she works on reports for another boss.


They rewarded her!?

This is insane. I cant hardly take it. I am a team player. I try to always do my best. And yet people who completely walk over everyone get special treatment. I got an email from a sup one day bc I was 2 mins late from lunch....
Did you hear me?

2 minutes.
120 secs.

And yes it goes in my file and at some point I can be written up for that. If I get termed over some stupid bs...ugh I am so pissed right now. I feel like I have always given my boss the benefit that he does have my best interest in mind while still having to make the company priority. I get it. But I am starting to feel other wise.

All I know is something, some changes need to happen and fast!!