Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Monday, October 31, 2011

New Gadget


Do you see it?

Its part of my google reader. When I share something from my google reader it shows up there. So if I'm reading a funny/sad/etc blog and I want YOU to see it and maybe read it, it will be there.


8 Years Ago Today

Wow...tomorrow is our 8 year anniversary. And here I am finishing up the paperwork to file.

8 years ago today we were finishing up rehearsal and headed to Mamacitas for the Rehearsal Dinner, where we had a fajita buffet and margarita machine in the little room upstairs. :( After dinner Russell and I went to my Maid of Honors apt and got high and hung out. Freaking out what the next day was bringing us. Russell dropped me off at my parents drive way and I was inside before the clock rolled over to 12:00 am 11/1/03.

Russ will always have a piece of my heart, but bottom line I was too young to make a decision on who to spend the rest of my life with. Especially since it was w/ someone who was already established and grown. I have changed so much in 8 years and unfortunately we didn't grow together. I'll tell tomorrows story tomorrow.

Happy Halloween. Sigh...Kinda feel like a downer now. Sorry about that. Don't worry, I am happier now. Really. Kevin is... amazing. He makes me smile. I feel like I am beaming whenever I talk about him. I know our situation is unusual, but that's ok. We both have these indescribable feeling for one another and we both have agreed to just enjoy. So that's what we are doing. He has planned a date for us on Friday. I am so excited. And he said he will get a cell in the next day or 2, here's hoping. I told him I wasn't holding my breath. lol He's just so busy working 6-7 days a week. Any free time he has on weekends is spent w/ his boy. But this week he is supposed to be getting off at 2 everyday. Maybe I'll wake up to a text or phone call from him.

I am having a hard time finding another WLS I can attend bc of my schedule. Oooo.... I found one. At the same hotel Kevin works at... I haven't told him yet. Guess I'm gonna need to mention it. Hope hes ok w/ it. Ok new date 11/12/11.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday Thirteen

Here are my Thursday Thirteen.

  1. Krystal. I got us matching pj pants and I cant wait to give them to her. (HA! Now you're on here and b4 Kevin, feel special!!)
  2. Kevin. My sweet man. <3 Even if we are struggling thru this beginning stage I know we got this! :)
  3. Momma. I wanna hang w/ her more. Maybe lunch once a week or something.
  4. Lil Ron. Need to get a hold of him and see how hes doing.
  5. Big Ron. Just need to check in. Its been a few weeks. And he was giving my mom a hard time about hanging w/ me on Saturday and then on Tuesday.
  6. Russell. We have been doing really well on the "just friends" front. He still tries to kiss me or feel me up sometimes but we can talk about Kevin and his little friend Cindy.
  7. My tummy. Its kinda feels funny. And I feel alittle dizzy.
  8. Ryry. Havent talked to him in 3 weeks or so. Need to fix that.
  9. This cold front coming thru. I am so excited bc its supposed to kill the mosquito's!! Yippie!
  10. Adam. Hes back and trying to start messing around again. I told him I really like Kevin so too bad so sad for him.
  11. I love Pandora.
  12. I am ready for the holidays. I want and need to see my family. I need that recharge I get from them. They make me laugh and we just love each other so much. Its a blessing.
  13. WLS. I need a Saturday seminar to come around again soon!!
Thats it for this week edition. What are your Thursday 13?

Ghost and/or Goblins

I'm better. And no I didnt shed a tear. I was very upset tho. Not so much bc of him, just bc of my awesome dating experience leading up to him. I am scarred. I worry what his intentions are and maybe this is all a joke or fake. I have horrible horror stories from the short time I've been dating and its really done a number on my self confidence. Blah...maybe I should let him know?? IDK....

Got a last minute Halloween party invite. So now I am trying to figure out what can I put together tomorrow that cost $0. Bc Russ used my debt card and didnt tell me and it put me in the negative. I've thought of re-using my 80's costume. A baby/kid - just pjs, pigtails, slippers and a teddy bear or bottle. Alien Abduction - that one looks fun, but its gonna require a lot of sewing by hand, closing leg and arm holes. And I also so the Yip Yip guys from Sesame St and that looks easy but I would need some moola. Bummer...

I feel so blah right now. I had some random hot pockets and I am so worried I got food poisoning again*. I'm sure I'm fine, but man your brain is powerful. I got my tums, naus-ezzz and mint gum and only an hr left of work. So worse case scenario I can fight it until I get off.

*The one time I can for sure say I had food poisoning was from a pepperoni hot pocket. It happened years ago but I still suffer from PTSD, lol.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I knew it!!

Parent teacher conference tomorrow at 10:30.
Date canceled.
Heart broken.
Tears will be shed when I'm not at work.

Anticipation is Killing ME!!

This is the reason stupid Kevin needs a cell phone. We IM-ed this morning for an hr or so then he got busy. He said he'd BRB but usually he gets swamped at work and I dont end up hearing from him up 9:30ish after he's gotten home and fed, washed and put his boy to bed. This normally wouldnt be the end of the world. I get it. BUT since we are finally meeting each other tomorrow morning I am feeling very...edgy? Thats not really the word I'm looking for. I need to be reassured that tomorrow is still happening. Was his mom ok w/ getting his boy off to school? Is his work schedule still clear? Ugh... Or worse yet, did he lose interest? Did he change his mind? Is he chickening out? And the longer I site here and go over every possible scenario the worse I get. So... I'm gonna stop. Just one last thing IF, for any reason, I dont see him tomorrow I am going to cry. Just fyi.

Monday, October 24, 2011

I freaking love tootsie rolls.

Especially the fruit and vanilla flavored ones.
Sorry had to get that out.

So... I need to file for divorce. How exactly do I do that? lol Ugh this part seems like a lot of work. I guess I better start googling. Sigh...
Russ begged to stay at the apt/car pool this week bc hes totally broke. I said yes but only after explaining to him that once Kevin moves to this side of town hes gonna have to be able to stand on his own 2 feet. So he we rode together today, right before we got to work he was looking kinda blah. I asked him what his problem was and he said he felt like he was getting a migraine. Oh boy! So after being at work for about 2-3 hours he puked all over himself and got sent home. Yay. NO! Hes in my car and hes going back to my apt. Now in case you dont know I suffer from emetophobia and it stresses me out beyond belief when I am around someone sick. Blerg. I hate it. But I cant talk about it anymore, gross...

Kevin was living in the stone ages and didnt have a cell. He said it was bc no one every called him so got rid of it. Well after talking to me he realized he needed one. lol So he was supposed to go today and start check some out. Thank God!! I hate it now. We currently can only communicate via yahoo or email. So its only after he gets home and gets settled for the evening. Or sometimes we talk on his phone in his office. Boo. I hate not being about to stay connected thru out the day.
He said last night that he has never introduced his son to any one he has ever dated but once he gets to know me a little better he looks forward to including me in the activities he does w/ his son. WOW!! That made me happy to hear that. He just makes me happy in general. I cant wait till his house sells so we can be closer. He's planning our date for Friday. I'm excited to see what he picks. I got a coupon for The Melting Pot, but thats like uber romantic. I dont know if he'd wanna do that so soon. Might be uncomfortable for Actually I doubt that, hes moving things along pretty quickly.

Its driving me crazy that I havent talked to him today yet!! AAaaaaaaa...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Weekend Wrap Up

Friday I woke up w/ a sweet message from Kevin. I had intended to spend go grocery shopping and run a few other errands. I stopped by the Dollar Tree first and then headed over the Walgreens. By the time I was done there I didnt wanna do anymore shopping. I was hot and sweaty and the mosquitos* were swarming me like mad men. I had bought some halloween decorations but I wasnt gonna risk myself for that. And I have a whole brand new bottle of Off that I cant find anywhere. Ugh stupid.

Saturday was my company picnic. Picked up Krystal and headed out there. It was such a nice day. I had 2 more tickets and gave those to my mom. The 3 of us had a blasty blast cracking up of dumb things like we like to do. We played some Bingo, didnt win then headed home. After dropping Krystal off, I went and got some Off. There was nothing left on the normal shelf, luckily there was a table set out and there were about 6 Deep Woods Off left. Thats it.

my purty momma

The Bestest BFF/Cousin and me

*So we have gone all summer long w/o any mosquitos. Normally we are fighting them all summer. But bc of the lack of rain we had none. Well it finally rained a good amout and a slight cool front and holy crap they are so bad. When I take chance out I literally have to dance around. They swarm any warm blooded creature as soon as you step outside. The only thing that sucks is I dont wanna come to work smelling like Off. And even after I walked Chance last night, I jumped right in the shower and it didnt seem to wash off? I guess its not supposed to come off that easy. So for the walk this morning I sprayed in on my clothes and wore 2 layers. Its so bad.

4 Things

4 Things I'm Enjoying Right Now...
*A large coke w/ extra ice from McD's

*A chicken quesadilla from Chachos

*My google reader full of awesome bloggers

*Internet access at work where I can listen to Pandora

Those were my 4 Right Nows...what are yours?

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Thursday Thirteen

Heres are the 13 things on my brain right now.
  1. Kevin - LOL of course. Sigh...I really like him.
  2. My Family - This is to general for just one number so as I hit them they will get their own numbers. I feel so disconnected for some reason. I dont know if I am purposely doing it to keep from hurting or what.
  3. My Mom - She left my dad and my relationship with her is ...changing. I love her so much, she is one of my best friends. But I found out stuff that had been happening that I felt like I didnt need to ever know. Now I have to figure out this new mother/daughter thing.
  4. My Dad - Hes my stepdad. Yes I love him. Hes been w/ my mother and I since I was 2 but that doesnt change the fact that he is an alcoholic and an asshole. Do I want to have a continued relationship w/ him?
  5. Ronnie - My older younger brother. He knocked up his gf and they are keeping it. Probably gonna get married. Dont like her. HATE that another person is having a freaking baby.
  6. Halloween - I am so bummed out that we arent having our annual awesome party w/ the DJ. SO SO So so sad. Typically every year my mom throws a Halloween party w/ a DJ and everything and its awesome.
  7. Ryland - His trial is quickly approaching. 1/26. OMG! I really worry that he has learned anything during this time locked up.I really dont think I can handle having to go my whole life visiting my baby brother in prison.
  8. Russell - I wish I could just snap my fingers and make our situation normal. I hate the amount of involvement we still have. But I'm working on it. Just a few more weeks hopefully.
  9. WLS - I had to cancel the last seminar and I am waiting for another Sat one to come along so I register again.
  10. I want a baby. Its a phase but I do.
  11. Being on my own and making it work. FYI Do not watch American Horror Story right before bed. OMG!!!!
  12. Javi - I told him I had moved on and he got pissed at me. He only text me like once a week. He never has time to hang out. It took like 4 weeks to get him to come over and meet. Plus he isnt physically what I am interested in anyway thanks.
  13. Grocery shopping. I need to do it. I need cat litter, cat and dog food, milk, cheese, eggs, sugar, and lunch/dinner foods. I'm waiting....
So there ya go. 13 very random but honest thought I have had today. If not everyday.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Do You Believe in "At First Sight?"

Ok I started talking to this new guy, Kevin, on Wednesday. We clicked from the moment we started chatting. Honestly it was weird bc it felt like there was this instant connection. The more and more we talked, the more and more I feel…something.
I don’t wanna acknowledge it bc I feel crazy.
But then Monday night, we are having "the talk" about what we are looking for. He says he is looking for a GF, and then maybe… the one. I say I am looking to get out of the dating world, hoping for a BF. Not thinking much further then that yet. He said he'd love to be my bf.
Aww cute smiley faces. We cont to chat. I finally say, look I don’t wanna seem crazy but this…this feels really good. Like already established. He was like OMG I KNOW!!! Weird...

Now I have had run-ins w/ crazy guys and the ones who are pressuring you to move quickly. But this is different. I don't believe, or I should say I have never believed that this could happen. Its so weird. I feel silly. I am all bubbly and happy. I am trying to stay rational tho. I don't want to rush into anything, but I also think you know what I deserve this. I deserve to feel this way. And maybe the timing isn't quite right, but when is it ever. I am eager to get to know him more and we both will enjoy the head in clouds feeling we have w/ each other.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Catch Up - End of Week

After my Very Special Episode I was pretty shook up. Besides the super weird weirdness, we did have a really good discussion about my luck w/ guys. Or finding guys who are interested in more then sex. Now he was more on the extreme side of things but he made some sense. Basically his point was no guy would get involved w/ me when I was still involved w/ Russell. And I was trying to fight my point of, we arent involved per say, but he said we work together, car pool sometimes, we help each other financially. Thats too much involvement since he is an ex. Thats competition.
And he is absolutely right.
But the problem is how do you completely cut ties w/ someone you have been w/ for 11 years. I've never broken up as an adult. I am slowly weaning Russ off. And I see progress being made slowly. Nothing is mine or his. Everything is ours. So lots of sorting and its time consuming, not to mention emotionally draining.
So he may be on to something, BUT I also think there is a happy medium and I am working on finding it.
Speaking of VSE (ha!) he left me w/ a bad mojo and I needed to clean that aura outta my apt, so I invited Brian over Thurs night. Mucho bettero. Seriously. I wonder if VSE is a virgin. Such a weird night.

Friday I had my drs apt for my insomnia. I was rx-ed Ambien. And an inhaler for my .... something. I wasnt paying attention. lol I havent filled them yet bc I have to wait till pay day but I'm nervous about the Ambien. She did give me the controlled release which she said doesnt have all the crazy side effects as regular ambien.
Friday night I went to my BFF's and met her kitty Valentine. OMG she is adorable. She was abandoned by her momma kitty and she still has to be bottle fed. So stinkin cute!


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Very Special Episode

I had the weirdest "sexual" experience as an adult last night. I don't wanna make anyone pass out from being TMI but this story has to be told so, heres my disclaimer:


A guy I had chatted w/ for a few weeks during the summer, messaged me on okcupid to see how I was doing. We texted and I invited him over. It was kinda weird. Not really feeling any chemistry there, but he was nice to talk to. Over the course of the night he said I should get more comfortable, ie take my bra off. I kept laughing him off. But at one point I did go to the restroom and decided it was time for my bra to go.
Once he realized it was off things kinda moved from there. I do wanna say the way he handle me/touched me was super creepily soft. Like Tom Hanks in Big. Me no likey.
Anyway so I kept waiting for him to kiss me, nope...I was trying to be more aggressive to show him it was ok. Buy he never picked on it or didnt care.
Then he moved to position himself like something was fixin to happen, I kinda waited for it, took a breath, closed my eyes, sucking my stomach, lol...

Few secs pass by...

Uh. Open my eyes, hes over me just kinda grinding on me, while doing his thing...


He ended up dry humping me. What is this? 6th grade....sigh... I was embarrassed for him. Afterwards I even said that is was weird, unexpected. And he was kinda like hey, hey now! If he wasn't prepare for sex, ie condom!!, there were other options.

Super bonus deluxe weirdo

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Drugs are GOOD mkay!

I'm not usually the type to take meds for any reason. Doesn't matter if its OTC or Rx. I just don't think its a good idea to pump chemicals into your body unnecessarily. Now there are time when it becomes necessary. And that's a different story. Like my sleeping issues. It was starting to effect my work, social life, etc. If the insomnia was just fewer hours of restful sleep each evening I, honestly, would have been able to handle that. But only sleeping for 1 hr, wake up, 1 hr, wake up, 1 hr....all night. I wasn't getting any rest at all ever. FOR 10 DAYS!!
My bff Krystal is a druggie who loves to pop pills and she does sleeping pills all the time sometimes needs to take sleeping pills so I figured I would go ahead and just ask to have a few, until I could go to the dr. She gave me some muscle relaxers and...


I slept so good last night. It wasn't the best sleep ever but compared to the last few days it was heaven. I took the pill about 30 mins before I wanted to sleep and the next thing I know I'm scratching my face but it feels like its far away. My lips felt...weird. It was awesome. As soon as I laid down I was asleep and I slept till almost 7 before I woke up the first time. I still dozed off a few times at work today but overall it was much better. The first thing I said when I got outta bed this morning was I cant wait till tonight to take another one.

LOL Uh oh I'm addicted.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Change of Plans

So I was supposed to go to the seminar for the WLS on Saturday. But on Friday my mom called the jail in Olla, LA and asked if it would matter if I had a ticket/warrant. And the lady said no. So now I need to re register for the next one. I am a little bummed but I am so glad to have had the visit.
Now I am super bummed. I went to the website and there are no seminars on the weekend showing on the calendar. I'll have to call, last time I spoke w/ the girl she said they dont post all the dates.

We left for Olla at 2am. It was mom, dad, my little brother Ronnie and his gf Erinn. Drove the 5.5 hrs there and got a little lost. Just about 2 blocks from the driveway I got pulled over for SPEEEEEEEEDING. Again. This time really wasnt on purpose. The speed limit changes every few miles. So I missed one. He got me going 61 in a 50. And I was so scared. I wasnt sure how my old ticket would show up. He came back and asked me to step to the back of my car and I burst into tears. I was so scared. I dont wanna go to jail. No he was just having me sign the ticket. Dumb. Omg. That was scary.
Then when I was getting off the shoulder I peeled out accidentally. Ooops. lol

First visit was 8am-10:30am. We ate breakfast w/ him and it was the most awesome visit ever. The next visit started at 1, so we paid $60 for a hotel room so we could nap for 2 hrs. We were so tired from the drive. After our nap we went to the 1-3:30 visit. I just cant explain how nice it was to be able to sit at a cafeteria table and have him right there. To be able to hug him and hold him and squeeze him. And love him. It was like it hasnt been over a year. But I will say for the family that reads this, he looks different. His baby face is going away and he is more buff then Ronnie. After staring at him for a few hours he looked like my sweet Ryry again but not at first. My mom drove back and the rest of us slept off and on. Good trip.

Adam came over last night. He wanted to cuddle. Aww hes so cute. We laid in bed and talked. It was nice.

Lastly on the way to work today my car was riding kinda weird. And I kept saying I'm gonna have a blow out. And I did. I was about 5 mins from work. I was really hoping I would make it. Oh well. Now I have that sexy golden yellow donut on my car. I dont know when I will have an extra $180. My tires are so expensive. Dumb! Ugh.

So that was my fun filled weekend. I am going to be making an appt w/ my Dr to discuss my new found insomnia. I cant take it anymore. If I wasnt actually falling asleep all the time I'd be ok. Stupid.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Do you know the Potty Rules?

I feel like death. Death on a stick. Blerg. Its my stomach today. And I hate pooping at work so bad. lol Sorry TMI. But its true. No one knows the rules. I just prefer to not if at all possible. I wish there was a secret bathroom at work. lol

Javi texted me finally last night. He said I wasnt texting him/replying to his text. Hmmm I dont know... Seems shady. And he could have called or texted again. Blah. So now I dont know what to do. Boys are dumb and so it dating. I like him but I want someone I can count on. Already my guard is up. Just not a good way to start a relationship... or whatever this is going to be.

My whole family is going to see Ryland this Saturday. I am so jealous. I wanna see him too. I miss him so much. Since they moved him to LA we dont get to see him twice a week like before. He has been there since before Sept. With the holidays coming I need to take care of my ticket in LA so I can go see him before his trial starts in Jan. Which I do already have 2 weeks off for. God I hope and pray that he is able to come home soon. He was so young when he made a really stupid mistake. He has already served 2 years just waiting for trial. I think that is plenty for a minor. Just bring him home!!

Russell, my ex husband (almost), is "talking" to a new lady. LOL I think its cute and I am happy for him. Not gonna lie there is/was a part of me that was all ghetto head rolling hand in the air gum smacking attitude having "oh no he did-eh!" but really. I cant expect him to be alone for the rest of his live. I have moved on and he can too.

TGIF. This week has been ok work wise minus the sleepiness. But I'm excited bc Adams GF is going to be out of town allllllll week. She leaves this weekend and comes back next. SO thats means I get some quality time w/ him. Wahoo.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

So Sleepy

I have been so exhausted the past few days. I am hoping its just related to the move and getting adjusted to everything at the apt. I hate dozing off all day long. I feel so blah.

OH! Funny thing happened last night. I went to bed in my standard attire, t shirt and panties. I woke up around 6 and I was totally nude. How in the world? I have never done such a thing.

Nothing too exciting going on at the moment. I need to restart my dating prospects over again since Javi ditched me for being a skeezebag. lol

Saturday is my WLS seminar. I am really looking forward to that.

Meh...sorry such a lame post.

Monday, October 3, 2011

I've always wanted a Sobakawa Pillow

I am seriously so confused about men. So Javi, he messaged me a few weeks ago on okcupid (a dating site) and we had been texting everyday for about 4 weeks. We had made plans to meet but for one reason or another they wouldnt work out. Highly frustrating but ok. Saturday night he comes over finally and yay we met. I felt like it was kinda weird but ok. Not like scary weird just...different. We went to bed and of course things happened that I didnt plan or expect to happen. (Now of course he says the same thing but who knows) He spent the night and in the morning I walked him out. He remembered that he left his pillow* as we were walking to his car but said he'd come back for it.
Yesterday we texted a few times. Today...nada.
Sigh...How in the world did I let that happen? Shit!!

*that pillow he just bought, one of those Japanese pillows from the infomercial, yeah I am keeping it now jerk!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

On my Own!!

Yesterday was the longest day in history. After staying up too late hanging w/ my roomies, then tossing and turning all night w/ the anticipation of what was coming, the day started early and never seemed to end. Russ came straight from picking up his paycheck. We loaded up all my crap, then drove back to the apt. Unloaded my stuff. Took a short break, loaded his crap, then he left. Then my work started. While I was sick I had already cleaned off the desk, cleaned the drawers and sorted thru his/her crap.(Including all of our old love letters, fun stuff) Yesterday I rearranged the living room how I like it. Put the love seat in the bedroom, unpacked all my clothes. Decluttered most the apt. Still have some work to do but mostly its done. The carpet needs to be cleaned badly and the floors/cabinets in the kitchen and bath. Why dont men pay attention to there things. Oh well.
My body is feeling it today tho. So so sore. And for some reason I have noticed when I take advil I get heartburn?? So I'm thinking I cant do that anymore. Ulcers are bad, def dont want one.

FINALLY met Javi last night, he came over. First time meeting in real life. Hes a big boy, short and stocky. Hes goofy but kinda annoying. IDK we'll see.