Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Monday, October 29, 2012

Hurricane Sandy

So while the east coast is attacked by an aliarkzillacalypsecane I'm siting at work trying to find ways to entertain myself. Today is me and J's 2 month anniversary and he has something going on at the house...some sorta surprise. And its everything bit of the torture for me to sit at work wondering as he wanted it to be. Thanks babe. >.< Grrrr faces! I had so many things and ideas for his gift but have finally settled on ______________________________________. HA! Yeah right. I'm not tellin'! I know hes reads this. Psh.

2 whole months. Craziness. It feels like its been longer. Is thats normal? I bet it probably it. I am so so blessed. I was thinking today on my lunch break, after talking to him, man I never thought we'd be here now. Going all the way back. He viewed my okc profile but didnt message me, so I messaged him. Emailing a few times thru okc until I suggested we text. Asking him to send me a pic. Talking on the phone the night my stupid tire blew out. The dinner at Gringos. I was so freaking nervous. Oh man. I remember Krystal wanted to swim that day and I was like ok but I have to be home in time to get ready for my DATE!!! It was such a big deal to me to have someone date me. That was so nice. So different and refreshing. Thinking about him walking me to my car after dinner makes me smile. Now hes all mine. Awww...he makes me so happy. I love my little dumpling britches :) I am so excited to see where we go together. Happy Anniversary babe.

I am super excited that starting Monday I will be working w/ my little brother Ronnie. He has passed all the steps. Jumped thru all the hoops. And I made sure he was ready. He made it. I think he will do well here. Hes a hard worker and had grown up a lot. I am proud of him. And this "weekend" I am also excited bc my bff Krystal and I are hanging out weds and shes finally meeting Jonathan. Yay! I hope everything goes well and they get along. It will make my life easier.

Mkay guess thats all for tonight.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Nothing Exciting

I am feeling much better since I got all that out in my post yesterday. I cant make anyone understand just how I feel for Jonathan. I catch myself smiling while I'm driving to and from work, listening to certain lyrics or just randomly daydreaming and its bc of him. He "sings" to me. And its so stinking funny and cute. He wasnt feeling well yesterday and all I wanted to do was take care of him. Normally I am a germophobe but I just wanted him better. When I crawled into bed last night he was completly passed out but he was burning up. I just cuddled w/ him for a few mins and prayed for him to get better. He has a love of music and actually listens to words and he related his life to certain songs, which is what I do. And we have done some really goofy stuff together, like tickle fights and taking turns making funny noises while driving...yeah IDK.
So that was a few reasons why I love him.
Our 2 months is Monday and I have been spending the past few days planning what I wanna get him. I have so many ideas. I cant seem to find the one. Dang it. Hmmm And of course he already has mine. Boo. I have no idea what it is. I'm getting off early tonight so we can spend some time together. Yay. I cant freaking wait. I wanna kiss him. Kiss his face off.
Ok Its time for my lunch break.

Friday, October 26, 2012

On My Mind

After I posted Wednesday night Donna came down and wanted to talk to me. Basically the jist of it was there are some people in J's life who feel like I may be using him. Donna feels like she can tell I am not necessarily using him, bc she thinks that since I have been treated so badly in my past that I find J safe. That I am enjoying his company now but it will fade. She gives us 6 months. She tells me not to give up my job, don't go to part time, bc I have already given up enough and then I'll be stuck. She says some other stuff. Basically saying J and I weren't compatible long term. We wont lose weight. He cant do this, he wont do that, etc.

I don't know how to get all this out. I have been processing it for a few days and its still just bugging me. Sitting in the back of my mind. I understand the protective side. J being innocent and the people around him not wanting me to hurt him, etc. But I'm the one whose been hurt. My family is the protective ones. Its weird to be on the "other side." Plus my feelings are kinda hurt. I love J. I haven't felt this way in a long time. And damn sure no one has deserved it as much as J does.

I guess what I need to get out and off my chest is that no I didn't expect to fall for Jonathan. You don't go into a first date expecting anything. Or otherwise you are just setting yourself up for failure. No we didn't have a immediate passionate sexual connection. Yes I have had those in the past. Do I think that is necessary to be present from day one? No. Why not? Bc on day one, and especially for both J and I, we held back. I cant speak for him but I know I was for sure was on guard. And I was for a few dates bc I was scared. And tired. Tired of being hurt. Tired of giving myself to someone only to have them take and take, and lie and use me, etc.

Me and J's relationship is VERY different then any other I have had. Ever. We started slow. He respected me. We dated. We got to know each other. We developed an emotional connection before we were physical. And somehow since I am typically the girl who rushed into physical acts and J isn't that means we aren't gonna work out and I'm using him. That's bullshit.

What I did know about J going in was that he was different. And that did draw me to him. Not bc I wanted to take advantage but bc I feel like I deserve to be treated w/ respect. After the first date, I knew I wanted to know more about him. After the 2nd date I could feel myself starting to have deeper feelings. By the end of the 3rd date I knew I wanted him to be my bf. How in the world is that me using him??

Oh well. If this goes back to the tires, which I'm sure it does, I cant change that. He did that. If its about me living w/ him after such a short time...really? Ummm need I remind you I provided my own way. He didn't move me from my moms to his house, thank you. And if one day he and I decide for me to go part time or hell not work at all, that's between me and J and no one else. Or worsest (lol) case scenerio I need to move out and get my own place I can do that too. So mind yo bid-ness. Mkay.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Quick Bc I'm tired

*I am officially 100% totally moved out keys given back. It was bittersweet. I am so happy J is awesome. But it was my little tiny place. Oh well next chapter in my life.

*I am so tired and sore. My hands are killing me.

*I stayed up too late and in the living room, Donna and Danny just got home...its 2am and damn it I should have run into the bedroom. Shit!

Ugh seriously...I dont know what to do now...J why are you sleeping? Save me...k I'm going. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Ran outta time and didnt post this on Monday night...

So tonight when I get off I'm not going home, I have to go to my apt. Its didnt make sense to drive to Katy when I needed to be back in Clear Lake in the morning. I am planning on being done w/ everything tomorrow. I found someone who needed the bed. Russell is taking the loveseat and the recliner. I'm really ready to get this over and done w/.
I'm kinda sad to not be going home. The apt isnt home and hasnt been in or felt that way in awhile. I am used to feeling J's kisses in the morning when he leaves for work. Hmmm I'm gonna miss him so much tomorrow, but I'm glad I'm off so once he gets off we will have the next few evenings together.
I got my flu shot today and my arm has been sore since. But I am glad I got it. One less thing on my to-do list. But man today has really been a pretty crappy day. So glad its my Friday.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

I Want

  • to go home and...
  • take a nap/relax
  • to get the perfect schedule for me and J
  • to carve a pumpkin
  • already be done w/ moving everything (w/o actually doing it)
  • to magically be my goal weight (J too) and...
  • be able to maintain it w/o work lol
  • for my hair to be more grown out
  • to be able to have cute bangs like that chubby girl I posted to my tumblr
  • be able to spend some time w/ my bff before she has her baby
  • get off on a Sunday so I can go see Ryry
  • to be a jogger/runner
  • happily get pregnant when its the right time
  • for J and I to have our own place so...
  • I can decorate it w/ all the pinterest ideas
  • to stop biting my nails
  • a beta fish
  • a jellyfish
  • a fish tank
  • a new purse
  • new clothes
  • some new "toys"
  • a new car just bc
  • to be able to fix everyone who matters to me's problems (Ryland home, mom and dad, Kelli, etc)
  • my car to sync w/ my ipod so...
  • I can download some more/new music
  • dye my hair a non natural color, like purple or pink, just a chunky streak tho
  • get a halloween mani/pedi
  • decorate more for halloween
  • get Chancey a costume
  • J to happily wanna dress up for halloween w/ me
  • to go camping
  • sit around a bonfire
  • colder weather
  • to find my pea coat (I hope I have it)
  • a new phone
  • to play farmville on my work comp
  • to spend life w/ my J <3 :)
Ok thats all I want, lol, for now.

Work Related Injuries

Today has been quite an interesting day at work. It was really slow and there were a lot of people here for OT. So we were all talking and apparently there are a lot of pissed off people. What it mostly boils down to is favoritism. And I found out some stuff that really made me mad. Like the girl who while on the clock, went out to her car to sleep. So the person in charge (no team lead technically that day) called the boss to report her, she was removed from answering service, given a salary position and now she works on reports for another boss.


They rewarded her!?

This is insane. I cant hardly take it. I am a team player. I try to always do my best. And yet people who completely walk over everyone get special treatment. I got an email from a sup one day bc I was 2 mins late from lunch....
Did you hear me?

2 minutes.
120 secs.

And yes it goes in my file and at some point I can be written up for that. If I get termed over some stupid bs...ugh I am so pissed right now. I feel like I have always given my boss the benefit that he does have my best interest in mind while still having to make the company priority. I get it. But I am starting to feel other wise.

All I know is something, some changes need to happen and fast!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Young Love

Theres something I really wanna talk about but...I...don't know how to talk about it here. I guess I'll start off w/ a disclaimer - the following post may or may not include personal intimate details about the current goings on of my love life. Read at your own risk.

So with that said I am not going to come here and give away all the juicy details. Not really my style. But I do have this tugging feeling to talk about something. I personally have always found that physically 2 people need to have that connection. The spark. I don't necessarily think it has to be from day one, but it does need to develop in a somewhat quick timeframe and naturally.

One of my issues while dating was finding a person who I felt was "worth" it on paper, meeting my expectations but we wouldn't click. Or vice versa. And being that I consider physical intimacy very important I seemed to run into that more often then not. A few men who I could see sharing a physical connection but def didn't make the cut in other aspects.

Now I am not picky. Nor am I a gold digger. I don't expect a man to support me or pay my bills. I don't want him to buy my love. But I do want someone who has goals and has the same morals, and work ethic, etc as me. Anyway that's not the point of this post.

J and I have found our click. That spark. We cant seem to get enough of each other. And I am so happy. Its like we were made for each other. The way I feel w/ him is like nothing I have every experienced. And I don't mean that I wasn't happy before, but I can give myself freely to him. I can safely give him my love. 100% of me and he's returning it. This isn't about just a physical love. The combination of emotional and physical and....whatever else, just makes this intense passion and its beautiful and sexy and...yeah.

Its very hard to put into words. But once again it all boils down to me feeling like a blessed woman. I love him and I am just trying to take in all the feeling bc I know the newness wears off and I'm ok w/ that. But in the mean time I want to celebrate this, put it here for me to look back on and reminisce about the 2 young lovers who were starting out together and just smile...

Love to Eat Chicken - LOL

Gosh its so cold at work. Its killing me and I am so so so tired. Thanks J! lol We have thoroughly messed up each others schedules in the name of love. Ugh, we just don't wanna sleep. We'd rather spend more time together instead. Well yeah I am paying for it now. I cant wait till my lunch break. Starbucks here I come.

Well I am officially living w/ J as of Tuesday. Tuesday night I made tatortot casserole for everyone. I liked it but I felt like it didn't come out as good as I normally like it. AND I ended up having to keep it in the oven for almost an hour waiting on J to get home. His schedule is so unpredictable. That's a bummer.

Weds he had to run to his work to do a short errand and then we had lunch with his mom. That went really well. She's a nice lady. I, of course, was a little nervous. Not TOO bad but its still kinda nerve wracking. After we ate Jon took us to the San Jacinto Monument and USS Texas Battleship. We didn't do the full walk around a see everything tour but we plan on going back. J wants me to try the ferry, I said maybe next time on an empty stomach. I have a small issue w/ motion sickness. I need to be able to get out of the car on a ferry. And apparently the little ferry for going there is too small for that.

After lunch we went to my place to pack up some smaller stuff to take w/ us back to his place nap. lol Oops. We were both so tired. We slept and just laid around finally making it home at 11.
Yesterday we did a whole bunch of nothing until it was time for dinner at my moms. J was very worked up about dinner but there was no reason to be. It was a very relaxed evening and my family was in a goofy mood. My momma and I drank a few daiquiris' and we very much ourselves. I was glad he was able to see me w/ my family. Its really the most important thing in my life.

It was a nice few days together. I hope my schedule changes soon so we can actually spend free time together more often.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

So Sleepy Sleepy

I'm falling asleep so I dont have time to properly document the day but...



I love this man. I cant get enough of him and I am so lucky.

Time to go snuggle w/ my "snoring* beauty."

*Actually hes a pretty quiet sleeper which drives me crazy.

Monday, October 15, 2012


On Sunday J met a lot of my family.

Sunday morning we woke up and drove out to my church. The ride out there was about an hour. I swear J drove slower then normal. He stayed behind the slow cars. lol As we got a few miles away I looked over at him and he looked physically sick. He was so worried about meeting my fam. When we got to the church we were the first there, which was planned. He met Kelli and Melodi, gpa and gma, my mom and dad, Ronnie, Erin and Riley, Chaz and lastly Melissa and Michael. Everyone was nice to him and seemed excited to meet him, which made me happy.

Even tho he was nervous about going to my church and seeing so many people in my family, he did it bc he knew how important it was to me. Thats love right there. :)

So tonight is my last night at my place. I cant believe I am moving all the way to the Katy area. I never thought I would live on that side of town. But its the best and really only option. For 1 he's in a house and I was in a shoebox, 2 his job, he needs to be close.

He took Weds/Thurs off this week, so we will get all my daily stuff out this week. And then get the rest next week. Also this week is the meals w/ moms. Weds is lunch w/ his mom and then Thurs night is dinner w/ my mom.

I am so excited to get this week night over with!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

U G L Y You aint got no alibi

All the ladies at work are sitting here talking about being fat and diets and omg and "I wanna be a size 4"

I am going to go postal on this place in just a minute.

Heres the deal, I am the biggest person in Answering Service, and in my family, where this happens a lot too. Let me explain something to you. If you are a size 4, 14, or a 24, if you hate yourself there is no amount of dieting that will change that. Losing those 20 lbs wont magically make you happy. Starving yourself. Restricting yourself. Comparing yourself to others. Being totally consumed w/ what the media says, Dr's say, BMI, etc....I could go on and on.

That is no way to live your life. I am not saying let yourself go and be unhealthy. But the first thing you need to do it look at yourself. Really take a look at your body. Do you love your body for what it is? I think thats the first step. Ok here it goes I am over 300lbs and I'm 5'2. I love my body. I love my body more now then I did when I was 175. I have fat fingers, arms, boobs, tummy, ass, thighs, and knees. (My calfs, ankles and feet have remained pretty skinny actually lol) I am round all over. Chubby round face. I jiggle. And I am sexy. Every jiggle. I am beautiful. Every roll. And its none of your business.

Since I was young, 5-6 I was always kinda chubby. My mom and dad kept me active tho. Restricted my meals. I never got snacks, sweets or soda. If I did it was diet. No seconds for dinner. Water or milk between meals. I remember being sent home w/ a "Fat Cat" paper in 5th grade w/ my weight on there, saying I was overweight. I went thru puberty young and in JR high I was 5'2" and 175 which was big for a JR High girl BUT I wasnt a JR High girl. My body was a womans body. I was athletic. I had a nice thick athletic body. I maintained that weight all thru HS mostly. I did put on about 20 lbs by the end of my senior year. So 200 lbs. Which may sound high but honestly I carried my weight well bc I had a lot of muscle.

My family didnt see it that way. I was forced to diet. I was fat as far as they were concerned. From JR till my freshman year I was forced to do weight watchers. When the other grandkids got to go to Dairy Queen I was never taken. My gma would forced feed the other cousins and constantly comment on how thin they were. But if I was in the kitchen there wasnt a reason for me to be in there. My aunts, gma and mom were constantly on diets. My whole life. They are always suffering thru their "fatness."

As soon as I got outta the house I lost it. All the years of restriction. I binged. I gained 50 lbs in 1 year. 25 more the following year. Now I'm 19 and weigh 275lbs. I start dieting and here comes the yo-yo's. When I was 21 I lost apprx 75lbs in 3 months and I am down to 225-230 and then up. And then down. And then up. And then down. I have now been my current weight for about 3 years. I refuse to diet anymore. I dont care what my family says. I am not doing the yo-yo anymore. Its worse for me everytime I go back up.

About a year ago I decided I am not going to be ashamed of my weight. I mean, I never really have, but I kinda feel that way around my family. I have slowly started speaking out against this fat attack they seem to have. I remember one family function where most the females were sitting around talking about some bullshit dieting thing and how awful it is when they are in their fat jeans and blah blah blah. I just finally snapped and said you know you can actually be fat and happy. My happiness is NOT related to a number on scale.

Yes. I want to lose weight. For 1 reason. Bc I want to. But I wont do it until I know I am ready for the life time commitment. I feel like I am getting there. And honestly I am kinda excited to do it w/ J. Its not about what you think I should look like. Or clothes or any of that. There are some personal reasons, like I wanna have a healthy pregnancy. But its not a number on the scale, my BMI, etc. I will set myself a long term goal and several short term ones, both scale #'s and non scale goals. And if I dont get to my "goal weight" but I am healthier and my body feels right then I wont stress about what YOU say I should want to achieve.

So fuck you. Yes, I'm fat. But you're ugly. At least I can lose weight. Oooooooooooo :)

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Inside and Out

Here we are again. We make such a cute couple. I could look at this pic for hours. The people in this pic may not be perfect and we may not be on any magazine covers or tv screens, but to me, we are perfect for each other. This is a man who works hard and has worked his way up in his job. He has goals and ambition to achieve those goal. Much like me. I have worked hard to better myself. I dont settle for less then 100%. I always want to do my best and be the best. This man is honest, trustworthy and supportive. A good foundation for a strong relationship. He's protective and caring. A good listener. Has already been there for me more than anyone else ever has. And not because I asked him to. Bc it was the right thing to do. I feel protected and safe with him. And not just when we are physically together. Being part of his life has made me a better person. We will be better people together. He makes me feel sexy and desirable. And I love him inside and out. When I see his face, I smile. I want to make this man happy, the way he has made me happy. He deserves it. Looking into his eyes, holding his hand, kissing his lips...these are things I want forever. We have plans for our future together and I know together we can achieve them.

I love you for who you were before me.
I love you for who you are now.
I love you for who you will be.

I am a lucky, blessed woman.

Nothing to be Nervous About

Thurday I finally told Juan. And he actually took it really well. Friday he texted me to say he found a new tenant to move in on the 27th and just let me know if I ever needed to move back and the room was available I was always welcome. That was really nice of him. That was really a relief. I was so stressed out and worried about him being upset w/ me. And with him finding a tenant so quickly it makes me feel like just another piece of the Jon & Rhianna thing working out in favor of us/signs that this is the right choice for us.

Later Thursday evening I did a few pages in my scrapbook while waiting on J to get home from work. Then we all went to dinner at Texas Borders. After dinner, came home and Bri showed me her scrapbook while J played on the comp for awhile. Then we both crashed w/ the tv and all the lights still on. Oops. I woke up at some point and turned everything off. But I am glad we crashed. J needed an early night. We always seem to stay up too late on the nights I'm there.

As usual Friday I came back to my side of town to drop Chance off and get ready for work. I hate Fridays nights, Saturday days, Sunday nights and all day Mondays. Too much time away. We've gotten into a nice little routine on the days we are together. We spend the mornings in bed together before and after he starts getting ready talking and such. Its a nice way to start the day. I have this list of questions like name 20 random facts about yourself, etc and we do those.

Another morning thing...maybe TMI but I am going to be as tactful as I can about this, is some loving. Its not just a morning thing. Its a 24/7 thing. And I just wanna say halle-freaking-lujah. Its nice to be involved w/ someone who is like me. And I'll just leave it at that. lol

Tonight he'll be picking me up, going back home and then in morning he is going w/ me to my niece's baptism. Yay. I am so excited. He gets to meet like my whole family. lol Hes alittle stressed out about it. But I know everything will be ok. My family will love him bc I do and I'm happy.

Mkay, thats about all for now.
Looking forward to the next week!!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Crazy Girl

I'm kinda sad. Tomorrow is Thursday and on Friday I will have to go back "home" for work. That place doesn't feel like home any more. Here, J's house, this is home. The days I spend here, my off days, are so nice. I really love being here when he gets off. This week his boss is outta town so I am brought him lunch. Oh and I still need to tell Juan. I am so nervous. But I just need to do it. I really don't wanna pay another months rent. Then theres the whole thing of packing. Boooooooo that's gonna suck. I just did this. I wish I would have known I was gonna meet J. I would have just stayed at my gpa's a few more months. Oh well. Once its done, I'M DONE!! And I'll be w/ my love. Yay.

My tummy hurts. Had a root beer float w/ a whole pint of blue bell vanilla. Ugh. Sometimes ice cream upsets my tummy and other times it doesn't. And I'm toasty. The fan is pointed at the bed. Hmmm...I seem to be kinda whiny. I guess its probably time to head to bed then. But I really felt like I needed to stop by here and just do some mind clearing.

Sometimes I'll be just going about my life, just kinda in autopilot and something happens like a lyric on the radio or something and I just kinda snap to and realize damn I'm happy. Like right now I was sitting here whining about my tummy and that I'm hot. I have Pandora on, Eli Young Band playing Crazy Girl and it gets to the line:

"Without you I'd lose my mind
Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing I ever did was make you all mine"

I look over and Chance and J are in bed, sleeping away. My 2 loves. And I know, without a doubt that that's how J feels about me. And I am so lucky, so so lucky to make HIM all mine too. And that right there, knowing someone loves you back with the same intensity is comforting. I only love 100%. I don't do love partially. Once I let myself fall and I drop my guard I'm done, you've lost me. Theres no hope. LOL And I am enjoying this so much. Our FB friends probably hate us but who cares.

Mkay I'm gonna head to bed now. Maybe read some more of the 50 Shades Trilogy.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Looky what I got...

A Smash book. I cant freaking wait to get it. Its supposed to be delivered on/by Weds. And I am having it delivered at J's house. Since thats where I'll be anyway. I've done scrapbooking in the past and loved it but it was soooooooo time consuming. Apparently these make it easier and its not so time sucking. We will see. It def had me sucked in and wanting to spend a bunch more for all 1,753 extras it comes w/.

In preparing for this book I got all my dates and info together for the J&R timeline. Everything from first date to last night when he slept over at my place for the first time. But I think I am gonna have to get some extras. Like the folders, tabs and tape. OMG. I am getting excited just thinking about it.

I really need to update my ipod. I haven't added songs to my itunes in forever. I ran outta gift cards since I didnt ask for any for this bday. But I have a bunch of songs on my youtube playlist that I need on there.

Krystals baby shower is gonna be coming up. I need to start talking to her mom and see if she wants my help. I wanted to be a hostess but apparently her mom wants to do it at the church or something, so I guess I wont be helping much. But I def wanna get some good presents. I wanna spoil this baby rotten!!

Playing House

I hate being sleepy at work. The constant nodding off is so annoying. 2 things I am looking forward to that should help w/ my sleep, #1 my schedule at work changing and #2 J and I moving in together. Right now we sacrifice sleep a lot of the times to be able to see each other, spend more time together. So sleepy sleepy.

So...yeah, we are moving in, or I should say I am moving in w/ him. I am nervous about telling my landlord tho. I am worried hes gonna be annoyed. Oh well. I need to hurry and tell him so he wont be expecting another month of rent. I dont wanna pay again. So J got us a new bed and went out today and got new sheet set too. He even asked me if I had a color preference and texted me pics before he bought anything. There was nothing to pick from really, so we settled on a brown. 1000 thread count. He also got me a house key made. Its seems everything is kinda just falling into place.

I called my mom to talk to her about our choice to move in and kinda get her blessing if you will, and she wants to meet J, so not this week but next we are having dinner at her place and we will also be having lunch w/ his mom. Meeting the mom's. Oh man. This is kinda a biggie for me. I didnt really have a good relationship w/ my ex MIL. I would really like for this one to be different. It would really make me happy. And this Sunday, depending on my schedule, he actually might end up meeting the whole family. Riley's baptism is gonna be at church, then my mom wants to have a tea? lol Yeah but we will see. I think I heard a girl saying she was going to be off already. Just gonna have to wait and see.

Meeting the families...Holy Crap!! I just want my family to like him. And to be happy for me. I mean I'm sure they will but I just want them to see the man I see. This amazing, loving, supportive man. Sigh...yeah.

So quickly back to the move. Its seems a little soon? After talking w/ some of my friends and family I decided that who cares about the time line. There is no such thing as the right time to do these kinda things. Its about what he and I want. Period. You can talk things out w/ the people that matter in your lifes but ultimately its your life. And he and I will be the ones to deal with the rewards (or consequences) for our decision.

You dont get many chances in life to be truly happy. Enjoy the moments you do get. And thats exactly what I have w/ J. Happiness. And I want to enjoy every single second from here till forever...

<3 R

Friday, October 5, 2012

That Look

You know "that look." No not the fun one. The one you get when you are in trouble w/ your partner. Hehehe. Oops. Yeah I got that look today.

So as I said I spent my days off w/ J and Danny and Donna. Yesterday he took my car to get it inspected and my oil changed. Afterwards I asked him about my car and he said everything looked good, except my tires, which we knew. I ended up staying the night and today I was going to drive home and get changed for work. As I was pulling out of the driveway I realized I had a flat.

I call J and he comes from the shop, fills up my tire and I follow him back to the shop bc he felt a nail in it. We get there and the guys start working on it while J and I are inside. I look over at my car and I see hes working on the wrong tire. J calls him in and they argue about my tires and the guys like her tires no good. J goes out there for a few and comes back, talks to Jamal (his boss) and then calls for 4 new tires for my car.
I was like uh... J turns, and gives me this look...

I know this wont be the last time I see this look but I can tell you I dont want to see it too often. J is very protective and takes things like safety very seriously. Lemme repeat myself, safety is his priority. lol And I have become one of his priorities that need to be protected. So messing around w/ bad tires and putting myself in danger is not ok.
For the next hour or 2 I repeatedly hear a sigh and when I look over hes shaking his head and looks at me w/ "that look." Geez. Its like as bad as when your parents say they aren't mad, they're disappointed. Oh gosh I'm sorry. Please stop.

But I will say that the fact that #1 he cares and #2 he just took care of it makes me feel so...happy, loved, protected, special...Theres a few emotions. He has been just more then I could have ever asked for. I dont know how I got so lucky and of course he says the same thing, but I am serious, how in the world?!? Its one in a million to find the person that seems made for you.

I know we will have bad days. I am realistic. But God answered my prayers. I prayed for my next relationship. Didnt know where he would be, or how it would happen, but I knew He did. And I thank God for bringing us together. Really. We both are so blessed.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wedding Bells

I'm currently sitting in a dark room w/ Conan on the tv and Jonathan snoring softly in the bed. Since I slept off and on all day while he was at work I wasn't even close to being tired once he was. I laid with him for awhile and when he started to sleep I got outta bed and got online.
I came over here on Tuesday after he got off work. We decided to be lazy and just did pizza delivery. We also realized that me sleeping over is actually better for him, he gets more sleep. So I spent the night last night. My plan was to go home when I got my check and I ended up being really comfy over here so I sent him a text telling him I was staying. He came home on his lunch break, brought me lunch. Tonight once he was off we had planned on watching the debates but Danny came down and invited us to go to this little restaurant/bar called Black Jack. Donna, her daughter and Danny, me and J went and we had a really great time.
Donna and Danny are a trip. I am now apparently gonna be the maid of honor in their wedding. And Donna was so open and honest about telling all of J's stories, like how when he and I started talking Danny came home and told her, so she was asking J questions and she saw my profile and told him that I was the one. lol
*side note J is talking in his sleep, lol*
Anyway she has pretty much moved me in, has started planning our wedding and future children. J was mostly laughing it off but seemed a little tense, especially when I started kinda egging her on and said to him lets have a baby.
But after dinner, he and I did talk about the topics at hand. While I am very happy and can def see myself spending the rest of our lives together I don't wanna rush. Yes its hard to be apart and I loved being here. I enjoy being home when he gets off work. I like going to bed w/ him. But its good to miss each other. To be apart sometimes. We will get plenty of time for all that other stuff.
Plus I JUST moved into my place and I have never been independent really. I wanna get that for awhile longer.
I think our focus should just be about us and how we feel. Don't let outside voices influence us, no matter which way they lean. That was def something I have learned. We gotta do whats right for each other.

But yes I cant wait till we live together :)

Monday, October 1, 2012

Books are Sexy

So like I said 2 post ago, I am reading the 50 Shades Trilogy that J had already on the Kindle. And this post isn't gonna be about the book, well, I guess I'll just say I like it a lot. But what I wanted to write about was sharing books w/ your partner.
I have never been involved with someone who was really a reader. I mean most people occasionally like to read a book. Or they are gifted a book and decide to read it. But none have been true readers. I used to be an avid reader. You couldn't pull me away. Not tv, movies, or the computer. I always made time for my books. I always had one on me. Then I got DVR, Sims, and a job where I didn't have time to read.
When E-readers became popular, I was determined to get one and get back into my reading habit. I missed it. I have a list of books I wanna read. So when J gave me the Kindle I couldn't wait to start reading. When I first turned on the Kindle all of his books were loaded. I began to scroll thru them and you really learn a lot about someone thru the books they read.
One of the things I realized since starting to read Shades of Grey is that I enjoy sharing books w/ J. The fact that he has already read it seems intimate to me. Its a new level of sharing that actually kinda turns me on. Yes, this book is a sexual book, but I want continue to do this with him. I think its fun and something to keep us connected to one another. Like a special book club. A book club w/ benefits, lol. And not all the books have to be dirty. We could share different types, topics we would like the other to know about, or be able to discuss. Maybe something we found entertaining, anything. I really hope this is something we continue.
Tomorrow night I'll be headed over again, hopefully I will be on book 2 of the trilogy.
Anyway, goodnight, I wanna get back to my errr J's hmmm our Kindle :) Yes...ours....I like that.