Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Actually NOW its 16 days till my bday

I called Vega's Auto and they agreed to put my July payment at the end of my loan. Yay. Man that works perfectly. So I pay storage tomorrow, on the 11th I'll pay the title loan, cell and insurance and by the next check on the 25th I will be back on track w/ my normally planned budget. No hole. No worries. Praise the Lord!!

My hands have been really bothering me again. I need to dig out my braces and try to sleep w/ them again. I always end up taking them off in my sleep tho bc it so uncomfortable. I've been having some nerve problems also in my hands. I dont know/think its related but its no fun.

I thought I had more to say....oops lol

Friday, June 29, 2012

16 Days till my 30th Bday

I am 1 week and 1 day into my break from the dating world. Doing pretty well if I don't say so myself. Just to clarify, I mean I am not actively seeking someone new to date. No dating sites, no CL, nada. If I run into someone awesome in real life then ok, but I felt like I wasn't really getting any where looking anyways. Just headache after headache. So many liars!!

I got a text from Chris this morning. He had some bad news and I felt really bad for him. I know we aren't together but he is a nice guy and I would say we are friends. I hope he finds something better and bounces back quickly. And who ever the doucher was on his blog who anonymously posted some ugliness is a jerk. Don't kick a guy when he's down. What good does that do? Ugh I hate people like that. Plus people need to realize that on our blogs sometimes the info can be a little....biased. ITS OUR PLACE TO VENT AND SHIT. Jeez. Rude.

My car broke down last week when I went to Temple. I am SOOOOOO glad Marc was there. He helped me get to the hotel and ran me around to get a new battery. Then he helped w/ the plan to get back home. I wouldn't have known what to do otherwise. Marc you're the best boy bff ever! lol ;) Love you!

BUT needing a new alternator was a real dent in my budget. I have pretty much re worked it so I don't get in a big hole. I still need to call my car note people and see if they will let me put the July payment off till the end of my loan period. Its so stressful having $ problems. But the title loan agreed to move my payment to the 11th and sprint moved to the 14th. So I'll pay my storage rent and paid Matt back. Then next check is title/cell/ins. AND that's the check for my bday too!!

You're so Vain You probably think this Post is about you

Hmmm before I forget to mention it, I accidently deleted the entry w/ the rest of the 200 questions so I guess I'm done w/ that. lol oops. Oh well.
About a week ago my ex told me something about his mom saying something to him about my personal life. Now, my facebook is private, and the only common friend is Russell. And I block him from some of my stuff. But whats really odd is that they info he said to me was never posted on facebook. She talked to him about Kevin and Chris. Hmmm...well all Kevin paraphernalia has been deleted from my facebook,  and I barely mentioned Chris on my facebook, for sure never by name and only at the very end. (I just felt like it was too soon to talk about him on my facebook. And then we broke up like 2 days after I mentioned him for the first time. lol)

So my problem is either someones lying OR shes actually reading my blog...

Hi Sherry :)

Which ever the case, I am not going to censor myself bc of it. This is my blog. Sometimes I am inappropriate. I kinda talk about sex and stuff but I'm not vulgar. Thats not who I am. I rarely curse and smart about not putting too much personal info here. As far as I see it, if you are here reading you are interested. Offended or not, you keep coming back. I will say one thing incase she is here and then I will drop it. I really wanna tell my side of the "why me and my MIL never got along story."

Russells parents are totally different then mine. My parents dont lecture me. Or expect me to even consider their opinions. If I want it, I ask. If not, they may still tell me, but I can roll my eyes and say yeah ok mom. I didnt feel that way w/ his parents. I always felt like we werent good enough. I was very uncomfortable around his family. The ride to the (brothers or parents) house my stomach would literally hurt, I would feel like I was holding my breath the whole time, just waiting for something to happen and would be relieved once we left. I'm sure if they knew this they would ask me to point out when they were not welcoming or anything, and I would not be able to pin point any one thing. It was just how I felt. Rational or not.

But anyways back to Sherry and my lack of relationship. I remember one time in the beginning, Sherry and my two other SIL's (all married in btw, Sherry had all boys) were going to lunch and then antiquing. I didnt get invited. They would do things like this frequently. They would vacation together, etc. Now I understand that R and I didnt have the $$ for a Europe trip or to go apple picking or whatever but the invite would have been nice. Maybe we could have planned a small trip? San Antonio or something? But the thing that really hurt my feelings was the Christmas that Sherry gave Angela a purse. Sherry was so excited to show Angela that they had matching purses and ran to her room to bring it out to show her. How cool matching purses.

I got a wallet. The wallet thats matched the purses...

That hurt me so bad. It sounds so silly and I didnt even like the purse, but it wasnt the point. A few years later a similar situation happened w/ a glass angel fan pull. Sherry gave her the one that matched the one hanging from their ceiling fan in the living room. I got one, but it was clear, instead of blue...
Maybe its childish but I really felt like I didnt matter. They "loved" me bc Russell did and otherwise they didnt really like me. I started to try not to attend their family functions. Of course that upset Russell but why should I have to go there and be uncomfortable. So I let him slide on my families functions.

So yeah, what do you think? I know its only my side of the story but specifically about the purse thing, how would that make you feel?


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

200 Questions 41-50

41. Mom or Dad? mom
42. Is it Pet’s Mart or Pet Smart? don’t care.
43. Do you like the band Radiohead? dont think so
44. What is your favorite female name? Rylynn
45. Have you ever shoplifted? lol uh yes, funny story and it was recently but accidently
46. Do you think Snoop Dogg sucks? no hes not my fav person but who cares
47. Have you ever driven a Ferrari? no, have you?
48. What do you call those little plastic things on the ends of shoelaces? little plastic things on the end of shoelaces
49. Have you ever walked more than a mile? of course
50. Do you believe in magic? no its all illusions

Monday, June 25, 2012

200 Questions 31-40

31. What is one thing that annoys you? Just 1? lol uh slow drivers
32. Do you believe in God? yep
33. Have you ever fallen in love with a neighbor? I've had crushes when I was a teenager
34. Last time you saw your mom? a week or so ago
35. Would you be president if you could? yes but not really
36. Do you like cats? yes, but I am more of a dog person
37. How are you feeling right now? not very good
38. Do you have a soul? no I sold it for a donut...wait that was Homer
39. One best friend or many good friends? both
40. Do you believe in spontaneous combustion? yes

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Picture Purge

All of these spoke to me at some point this week, for some reason or another. Are any of them directed at you? Hmmmm...

200 Questions 21-30

21. Have you ever been on a roller coaster? YES! I love them.
22. Favorite year so far? Year? Uh...2013 lol
23. Do you consider yourself religious? Yes.
24. How do you usually dress? casual tshirt and shorts/cotton sundresses
25. Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point? Astroworld :-(
26. Would you eat sushi? yep and I have, its yum
27. Would you smoke? I used to
28. What is your favorite sport? I used to play softball, but I dont really care for any now
29. Do you believe that animals have souls? uh...yes?
30. Who did you last talk to? Russell

Saturday, June 23, 2012

I will probably cry today

I don't even know where to start...

I have been pretty emotional lately. More so then normal. I'm tired of dealing w/ the bull$*&% from guys. I mean, they sit there texting me back and forth for days/weeks/months even and I make it 100% clear that I am not interested in having sex but its like they cant give up. Once you tell them no it makes them want you more. I had 2 guys, Ray and Kenneth, who were texting me obviously looking for one thing only. Ray has been texting since March-ish. I ignored him for a very long time after he said he wanted something casual. But he never stopped texting. Finally yesterday after he sent a text saying why don't I ever reply I told him you make everything about sex and that's not what I want. It causes us to go back and forth with me repeating myself over and over. If you like me, and you are so interested in me and aren't just looking for sex then why is it that you never try to get to know me?? We could have coffee and talk. Dinner and movie. ETC. Its not that hard. But instead you tell me how much you want me. No thanks.
Kenneth was pretty much the same thing except he got really pissed off bc I was "judging" him. Hmmm....lemme see, the only text I EVER got from you were sexual. And if I tried to text you about something other then that my text would go unanswered. It was clear to me what you were looking for. I'm not judging you. IT IS YOU.

So w/ all that and everything thing else, I have decided to quit. I'm done. Delete my dating profile. This is too emotionally draining. I run across people who are available and interested in me are douche bags who lie trying to get me into bed w/ them. Or I meet someone awesome that I like and I cant be w/ them for whatever reason. Obviously someone is trying to tell me something, so I am taking the hint.
What makes me sad about all this is I just want someone to love who loves me back(eventually). Spend time together. Get to know one another. Have fun. It just doesn't seem that complicated to me. But I guess I am wrong. Man I really didn't wanna spend my 30th bday alone...
that makes me very sad...

200 Questions 11-20

11. How many times a day do you go on facebook? uh...a lot
12. What was the last movie you saw in a theater? Titanic 3D
13. Have you ever cut off a limb? I cut my pinkie off, lol no I cut it really deep on the bone
14. Where did you get your last email from? which email acct? lets go w/ Marc
15. Favorite website? Reddit
16. Are you ghetto? no way
17. Will the world end in fire or ice? fire
18. Do you believe in the external world? like life beyond Earth? uh...idk
19. Would you cry if Facebook stopped working? no I wouldnt, then maybe people would go to google+
20. Do you have a blog? lol no....

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Fathers Day

I dont really have a relationship w/ my "real" dad. I have met him and tried to have long term contact several times but it never works out. He wears me out emotionally when I talk to him. He seems to be bipolar so his has extreme ups and downs. Maybe thats the alcohol or drugs, if he still uses. I wish he lived closer and was someone I could count on in my life.

But I dont think anyone who has a "normal" dad relationship can understand what it feels like. I mean how can someone just live their life w/o wanting to know/talk/be with their child. That just boggles my mind. Its 1/2 of you. You created this life. Whatever...I guess I'll never understand.

Luckily I have my gpa and even my stepdad, we have our moments tho. My gpa is amazing. He has always taken care of each one of us in the family. He is the ultimate protector. Hes the shoulder to cry on. The voice of wisdom. Yes, he is a bit crazy, getting more so in his old age. But he would give the shirt off his back to one of us. I dont know what I would do w/o my Good Ol' Gordy aka gpa.

I hope my brother, the new father, can be like gpa. His unconditional love for his family. Tough love for those of us who needed it. I have such good memories w/ him.

Happy Fathers day to those men who deserve it.

Purging my Saved Pics again

I am currently OBSESSED w/ this song

Its really the lyrics that get me. I imagine them coming from someone else directed towards me. It seems to fit to me. But you tell me. What do you think?

That's all I wanted
Something special something sacred -
In your eyes
For just one moment
To be bold and naked
At your side
Sometimes I think that you'll never
Understand me
Maybe this time is forever...
Say it can be

That's all you wanted
Something special, someone sacred
In your life
Just for one moment
To be warm and naked
At my side

Sometimes I think that you'll never
Understand me
But something tells me together
We'll be happy

I will be your father figure
(Oh baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine (I'd love to)
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)
I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
(So I am gonna love you)
I will be the one who loves you -
'Til the end of time

That's all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken
For a crime
That's all I wanted
Just to see my baby's
Blue eyed shine
This time I think that my lover
Understands me
If we have faith in each other
Then we can be strong
I will be your father figure
(Oh baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine
(I'd love to)
I will be your preacher teacher
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)
I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
(So I am gonna love you)
I will be the one who loves you -
'Til the end of time

If you are the desert
I'll be the sea
If you ever hunger -
Hunger for me
Whatever you ask for
That's what I'll be...


200 Questions 1-10

1. Have you ever peed your pants after age 8? Yes, I dont understand whats happening lately
2. Who do you have a crush on now? Its a secret
3. Would you date someone you met online? yes and I have
4. Do you wear deoderant? yes
5. Do you hate yourself? No, not really
6. Have you ever met a celebrity? I dont think so
7. Do you like tongue twisters? sure, lol
8. Do you have a boyfriend? no...damn you
9. Do you know how to drive a car? Yep and I think I am a good driver too
10. Have you ever been camping? I love to camp, one of my fav hobbies

Saturday, June 16, 2012

If this was July tomorrow would be my bday

I went on Weds to put down my dep at The Bradford and got denied! WTF? Why? The girl couldnt really explain to me, she gave me a sheet of paper w/ some numbers on it. Well, that wasnt helpful. I havent ever been turned down before. At most I've had to pay an extra deposit. Which is what I was expecting. I've been meaning to call back over there and get them to explain more. My credit score isnt that bad and I have no evictions/broken leases, so my rental history should be good. I dont get it. It makes me wanna call up Chad from the house and see if he'd be willing to continue the lease w/ me. I mean, he hasnt rented it yet and hes never gave me my $$ back. Hmmm, what do you think? I need opinions. lol

I got my yearly eye exam on Weds too. Its changed again. But I needed it either way bc I switched from contacts to glasses. Actually I never even really got to use my contacts bc they sucked. I saw the other dr in the office instead of my regular last year and he gave me contacts for astigmatism. I could NEVER get adjusted. It was awful. But anyways my glasses are way off. I cant even remember exactly how old these are. 3-4 year? Well I know the rx is not even close to my current blindness. It will be so nice to see again. And I really like my new frames.

So I went and saw Chris. I thought we were gonna maybe start talking again. But nope. Yesterday we went around and around and finally got to the fact of hes not ready for a GF. BUT I dont know if I believe him. Its not my place to jump to conclusions, especially in the blogging world, but I do read his tumblr and I saw some things on there that kinda hurt my feelings/made me wonder. But like I said its his blog and I dont know the full story so I cant assume. Or I can but theres a chance that I will be totally off and wasting my emotions on something that doesnt even matter. So moving on...

I'm an AUNT!!! My oldest younger brother Ronnie and his GF Erinn had their daughter Riley Celine on Thursday 6/14/12. She was 8 lbs 3 oz. Big healthy girl. She nurses like a champ and I love her to pieces. I cant wait to spoil that little girl. She will love LOVE her Aunt Lala. I cant wait to have sleep overs and do all kinds of fun things. I loved my aunts when I was little (I still do but you know what I mean). Especially the 2 that were single. They always did fun stuff w/ me. I have good memories of those times.

I'll leave you with a pic of my niece.
Riley Celine

Sunday, June 10, 2012

35 Days till my 30th Bday - omg 30...

Aaron was a dud. Should have know. lol Psh jerk. I dont care if he comes back a 3rd time. No thanks. If you were interested (and not married?) you wouldnt just disappear randomly.

I hate dating. I hate the unknown of it. Like now, I am "talking" to a new guy named Jimmy. Things are going well. We text everyday. We havent met yet. But I really want to get the initial meeting over with bc I am so worried he wont like me. The pressure of dating when you are overweight is different. And I'm not just being down on myself. Everyone has a preference. I am clear about my size and I have pics but really I need confirmation that can only come from meeting the person in real life. I think he might be waiting to meet until my schedule changes. I really hope not. I am guessing thats going to be about 2-3 weeks from now.

Horrible terrible news. My work blocked google plus. That was the last site that was still accesable to IM on. I stay logged into to google plus so I am use gtalk while I am at work. But not anymore. And my internet on my phone is hit and miss I dont know what I am going to do. I did a search for other "secret" IM/chats but none have worked. Waaaaaaaaah.

I need to hurry and move. The bed I am sleeping on is causing something funny to happen to my shoulders which is then pinching a nerve when my arms are in certain positions. Its a very odd feeling to have your index, middle and thumb to be numb/tingly. Me no likey. I just need to move in general. Staying at my gparents house has had some weird effects. They dont use the a/c (like I do) so even tho I'm not like OMG I'M SO HOT, my body sweats a little and being fat thats not fun, lol. Ugh.

Anyway. I'm sleepy. Bye bye.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I just typed - Enjoy.

Sigh, I feel like I am so dramatic. Obviously I am on my blog. This place is the home of extremes. And thats really a good thing. Bc it keeps me seeming sane in front of people who dont love me unconditional like my family and friends. I'm loud and opinionated. I prefer to say I am a very passionate person. If I feel at all, I feel very strongly. There is no middle ground. My poor family knows that all too well. But I dont feel the need to apologize. This is who I am. I am Rhianna. I will be a big presence in your life. And not just physically (ha get it, fat joke, lol). I am bossy, stubborn, opinionated, loud, hard headed, insubordinate, inappropriate, argumentative and rude.

But I am also a strong woman, who has a lot of love to give. And when I love, I love hard. Unconditional love. Accepting. Understanding. Caring. Compassionate. I can be a shoulder to cry on, or help you sort thru a tough spot. Or even better, make you laugh. Take your mind off whats troubling you. I'll be your best friend.

I am so blessed God gave me the people in my life. My friends and family. They have shaped me into who I am. Our family is going thru a transitional period. A lot of hurt. A lot of pain, broken hearts. A whole lot of tears have been cried, prayers lifted up to the Lord. We dont understand His plan. Its not our place to question Him. But its hard not to when you are faced w/ obstacle after obstacle.

I feel like the 3 new lifes being born into this family in the next 6 months are going to heal our hearts. As some know, my baby brother is in prison. And obviously that has been very hard. When he was offered a deal and trying to make a decision, I had a dream. As sure as anything I know it was a message from God that these babies are what saves us. New life. Hope. Love. Amen.

I know that these babies arent going to solve our problems. Bills will still come, divorce, addictions, etc. But its like we've been out floating for 40 days and 40 nights...

We really need an olive branch.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Its Complicated

So last nights post was...dramatic. I have sad days. But I'm ok.

I think what set me off last night was things ending w/ Chris and knowing I was going to have to start over again. It really sucks out there. Men are so difficult. They can't respect me. Cant. Its like they are broken. I dont want something based solely on the physical. I am more then just a walking vagina. Thats one of the reasons I liked Chris. He was one of the first men to behave like a gentleman. And the funniest part of all is he is the youngest I have ever dated. Men my age are, well, theres a reason they are the only ones left. Jerks.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Rough Night

So lets just say you love someone who is your friend. You are not in a relationship and lets say you never will be. This person loves you too. But you 2 can NOT be together. You 2 speak everyday, pretty much all day and see each other when ever possible. You constantly compare every potential match to this person. They do everything and say everything right. They are your best friend.

How do you go out and continue to date and put yourself out there to be trampled on, knowing that this person should be "the one?" Not to mention that dating sucks and 75% of men only want you for one thing.

Listening to the radio tonight and hearing some lyrics that make me wanna hang up my dating hat and settle for a relationship that I cant have.

Yes. Its hard. I cant stop thinking about you tonight...I was really doing good...

Damn it.


Sad Songs are Sad

I am having one of those days where I just feel like I need to cry. On my way to work this Toby Keith song came on, and I started thinking about my gpa and how I will feel when he passes away. I cried during the drive. I felt better afterwards. Then I looked it up so I could post it here and started to tear up again. Such a sad song.

So Chris and I are over. That was fun while it lasted. He was/is really a sweet guy but he is going thru something right now and I guess I cant help. Bummer.

I am kinda sad bc I hate starting over bc guys suck. But I ran into a guy I went on one date with a year and a half ago yesterday. It was actually just the initial meeting at Starbucks. It had gone really well and we both were interested but we ended up having scheduling conflicts. After a few weeks of that we both just kinda gave up. We would text every once and awhile and kinda stay in touch but then he would have a gf or I would have bf. Well anyways we exchanged #'s and we are having lunch on Monday. Yay. Thats exciting.

Well I guess thats all for now.