Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Its Not That Complicated, Its Just Different

How things can change over night. I know I have said this before about how quickly something goes from one way to another over night but here I am seeing it again 1st hand.

I have had questions come up again about Marc and I, and I feel the need to explain our situation better. Wrong time wrong place. It happens. We started out as friends and will remain friends. He has been an awesome friend to me. He has helped me realize I deserve better in relationships and has literally given me the words I have needed to stand up to the jerks. And when I told him about the new guys he was encouraging and supportive. We have talked extensively about how our dynamic will change once I meet someone. Marc knows, understands and respects that. Bc he loves me he wants me happy and loved by someone awesome who deserves to be loved by me bc I am awesome. lol

With that said, Chris did ask me to dinner. We have spent the last few days talking. I really like him so far and I am excited to see where this goes. Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I thought about some things that Chris has said about trust issues and worried the Marc thing might be an issue. How do you explain to new potential bf that Marc isn't a threat? I don't want to be deceitful about our friendship. Sigh...
PS Correction to where I met Chris from the last update it was Chubby Hearts. A new "dating" site.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

If You Dont Know Me By Now - Harold Melvin & The Blue Notes

OK I have decided that I have to post before I read my google reader otherwise I wont ever post. I just cant keep it at zero. Oh well. I love all the blogs I read and I have pretty much already cleaned it up and deleted feeds that I dont care for anymore.

So the date guy flaked out on me. I did talk to him, I think, last Saturday and asked him what was up. Apparently since he is almost fixing to graduate w/ work and everything he is just super busy. Hmpft. Well I let him know there is only only thing that drives me INSANE. LACK OF COMMUNICATION. We chatted for awhile and now hes MIA again. So I have moved on.

I joined and thats been interesting. I had a few connections. Brad and Chris are the 2 who seem...nice. Chris is on the almost too young for me side. But he is more established then more men his age and he seems more emotional then egotistical like most younger men. Brad and I havent talked at all outside of match yet. Just 3 emails so far. But I like the potential he has. Either way I am not holding my breath and I am NOT backing down as far as dating and being respected, etc. I am done w/ that.

I have come to realize that I am way too nice. These past 2 days have shown me that. I had cash stolen outta my wallet by someone. My wallet in my purse in my house!! Hmmm I wonder who did that?? Then I needed to get some $$ from Russell, he has asked me multiple times to borrow money and I will rearrange my budget to help him and when I asked him he actually said to me "I cant pay your bills and mine too." Uh...oh ok. Well just remember those words the next time you need my help and I hope you choke on them. I am sick and tired of it. Nice Rhianna is not gone but you gotta deserve nice Rhianna. Dont like it? Well then you probably dont deserve nice Rhianna anyway.
PS Funny story, the hotel I stay at in Temple has a jacuzzi tub. And this time I used the little mini shampoo for bubbles. Yeah hey, dont use a mini shampoo as bubbles in a jacuzzi tub, there were bubbles every where. Oops :)

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I did it!!

I cropped some of the screen but look its ZERO!!! I am so excited. lol and its only 11:58pm. I still have a whole 30 mins left of my shift.
I have been listening to 93Q all night, trying to win Brothers of the Sun tour tickets, its Tim McGraw (OMG!!) and Kenny Chesney. And it kinda sucks. I am excited about my date.I put up this tough girl act and pretend that none of that matters but really all I want is for someone, no not someone, a MAN, a man who treats me like I treat them. Love me like I love. Sigh...

The dumb guy who insulted fat chicks about a week ago logged on and tried to get me to come over again. What a freaking moron!?! NO! And then the other guy who "just wants to hang out" texted me again last night. Man they are persistant. Dont they know no means no. Gosh!

I cant post yet

I have been 1000+ on my google reader for weeks. And its driving me batty. I used to keep it at 0. I am not sure how I managed that but now as soon as I get down to 800-900, I run out of time for the day and its back up to 1000+ by the next day. I've even cleaned out my subscriptions. Blah. Anyway...I'm determined to get to ZERO today. Be back later if I make it.

Friday, April 13, 2012

I Love the Way You Love Me - John Michael Montgomery

Just got done writing Ryland. I love being about to basically email him. Too bad he cant "email" back. But thats ok. Its fun to get actual letters in the mail.
Today was a rough day at first. I was feeling really down on myself. Its very discouraging to be talking to someone and once you share pics they disappear. The first time it happens, you brush it off, but it happened like I dont even know how many times in the last week. And after it happened basically twice yesterday I couldnt shake it and cried about it this morning. I mean, damn it, I am NOT ugly. And I dont lie about my size, so its really frustrating bc I am awesome and they are dumb to not see that. Plus I am way more awesome once you get to know me. Anyway, I'm over it now.
Marc and I have been talking about me standing up for myself more and not playing into the asshole games. If thats not what I want I shouldnt settle. No matter what it is. I deserve to be happy. Thats hard for me. Not because I think I dont deserve it, I'm just too nice and let things slide/over look things. I give multiple chances, etc. And I have been sacrificing my morals/standards for dating in the hopes of finding the one. I am not going to find him that way. If hes the one he will respect me. My boundaries wont be dismissed and overlooked, but respected. He will take the time to get to know me, as a person FIRST. And he will fall in love with me. Bc anyone who takes the time to see me as more then a pair of (awesome) boobs and ladybits does.
True story :) Because I am awesome and I deserve to be 100% happy.

Speaking of which, there was a guy who responded to my CL ad last week. We have been talking very slowly via email. He is in school and its the end of the semester and its his last semester so hes super busy, but I IM-ed him today on gmail. It was the 1st time we IM-ed and it went really well. At the end of the convo he asked me to a movie on Tuesday.

I got a date!

OMG I am so happy. lol I mean I know its only the first date, but its not about him...well it is. Its finally a date. No one has asked me on date. Yippie. lol ok...I'm calm...I promise. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Monday, April 9, 2012

Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5

Dang it. Been away too long. I dont even know what was missed to update here. Lemme try and do a bullet point list to catch up.
  • I did restart my dating profile. I HATE DATING. Or I should say I have a love hate affair w/ it. I love boys and boy related activities. BUT I really I am a one man woman. I want to give all of me, all my love, all my...everything to one person. And one person who deserves it. But so many people (yes men and women) want casual, "let just see what happens", etc. Thats bs. I think if you are attracted to that person and WANT a relationship you should date, not be all like friends first crap. Bc what that means is "I dont to commit to you incase someone better comes along or I wanna sleep w/ someone else." But what ever I'll play the damn games.
  • I was super sick Friday and Saturday. Not sure if it was a virus or my dinner the night before. But omg my stomach hurt so bad. So I ended up being away from work for 6 days. My reg 3 days off, sick for 2 and I took Sunday off for Easter.
  • Easter. YAY. I love my family. So glad I got off. We had brisket and ribs. Went swimming. I got my summer tan started. Yes I am a redhead who tans. Sexy I know. lol ;) I got a basket from Kelli and I made her one too.
  • Oh back to the dating thing. I have had a few messages on there. I am hesitant tho. can interview them all and then make some cuts. Do a 2nd interview w/ Krystal. And then a conference call w/ Marc, Krystal and my mom, or maybe my gpa, and then like give me a pick from the top 3. lol Yes?
  • I got a letter from Ryland. I can write him on the internet now using Its so convenient, I love it. And I just found out I can access the site from work. WAHOO!
OK I guess thats good for now. I am almost done for the night.