Hurricane Sandy



So while the east coast is attacked by an aliarkzillacalypsecane I'm siting at work trying to find ways to entertain myself. Today is me and J's 2 month anniversary and he has something going on at the house...some sorta surprise. And its everything bit of the torture for me to sit at work wondering as he wanted it to be. Thanks babe. >.< Grrrr faces! I had so many things and ideas for his gift but have finally settled on ______________________________________. HA! Yeah right. I'm not tellin'! I know hes reads this. Psh.

2 whole months. Craziness. It feels like its been longer. Is thats normal? I bet it probably it. I am so so blessed. I was thinking today on my lunch break, after talking to him, man I never thought we'd be here now. Going all the way back. He viewed my okc profile but didnt message me, so I messaged him. Emailing a few times thru okc until I suggested we text. Asking him to send me a pic. Talking on the phone the night my stupid tire blew out. The dinner at Gringos. I was so freaking nervous. Oh man. I remember Krystal wanted to swim that day and I was like ok but I have to be home in time to get ready for my DATE!!! It was such a big deal to me to have someone date me. That was so nice. So different and refreshing. Thinking about him walking me to my car after dinner makes me smile. Now hes all mine. Awww...he makes me so happy. I love my little dumpling britches :) I am so excited to see where we go together. Happy Anniversary babe.

I am super excited that starting Monday I will be working w/ my little brother Ronnie. He has passed all the steps. Jumped thru all the hoops. And I made sure he was ready. He made it. I think he will do well here. Hes a hard worker and had grown up a lot. I am proud of him. And this "weekend" I am also excited bc my bff Krystal and I are hanging out weds and shes finally meeting Jonathan. Yay! I hope everything goes well and they get along. It will make my life easier.

Mkay guess thats all for tonight.
<3
R

NO!

Posted the last entry then went to amazon to update my wish list and saw this:

WANT

The iPad Mini. I want it.

Nothing Exciting

I am feeling much better since I got all that out in my post yesterday. I cant make anyone understand just how I feel for Jonathan. I catch myself smiling while I'm driving to and from work, listening to certain lyrics or just randomly daydreaming and its bc of him. He "sings" to me. And its so stinking funny and cute. He wasnt feeling well yesterday and all I wanted to do was take care of him. Normally I am a germophobe but I just wanted him better. When I crawled into bed last night he was completly passed out but he was burning up. I just cuddled w/ him for a few mins and prayed for him to get better. He has a love of music and actually listens to words and he related his life to certain songs, which is what I do. And we have done some really goofy stuff together, like tickle fights and taking turns making funny noises while driving...yeah IDK.
So that was a few reasons why I love him.
Our 2 months is Monday and I have been spending the past few days planning what I wanna get him. I have so many ideas. I cant seem to find the one. Dang it. Hmmm And of course he already has mine. Boo. I have no idea what it is. I'm getting off early tonight so we can spend some time together. Yay. I cant freaking wait. I wanna kiss him. Kiss his face off.
Ok Its time for my lunch break.
Buh-bye.

On My Mind

After I posted Wednesday night Donna came down and wanted to talk to me. Basically the jist of it was there are some people in J's life who feel like I may be using him. Donna feels like she can tell I am not necessarily using him, bc she thinks that since I have been treated so badly in my past that I find J safe. That I am enjoying his company now but it will fade. She gives us 6 months. She tells me not to give up my job, don't go to part time, bc I have already given up enough and then I'll be stuck. She says some other stuff. Basically saying J and I weren't compatible long term. We wont lose weight. He cant do this, he wont do that, etc.

I don't know how to get all this out. I have been processing it for a few days and its still just bugging me. Sitting in the back of my mind. I understand the protective side. J being innocent and the people around him not wanting me to hurt him, etc. But I'm the one whose been hurt. My family is the protective ones. Its weird to be on the "other side." Plus my feelings are kinda hurt. I love J. I haven't felt this way in a long time. And damn sure no one has deserved it as much as J does.

I guess what I need to get out and off my chest is that no I didn't expect to fall for Jonathan. You don't go into a first date expecting anything. Or otherwise you are just setting yourself up for failure. No we didn't have a immediate passionate sexual connection. Yes I have had those in the past. Do I think that is necessary to be present from day one? No. Why not? Bc on day one, and especially for both J and I, we held back. I cant speak for him but I know I was for sure was on guard. And I was for a few dates bc I was scared. And tired. Tired of being hurt. Tired of giving myself to someone only to have them take and take, and lie and use me, etc.

Me and J's relationship is VERY different then any other I have had. Ever. We started slow. He respected me. We dated. We got to know each other. We developed an emotional connection before we were physical. And somehow since I am typically the girl who rushed into physical acts and J isn't that means we aren't gonna work out and I'm using him. That's bullshit.

What I did know about J going in was that he was different. And that did draw me to him. Not bc I wanted to take advantage but bc I feel like I deserve to be treated w/ respect. After the first date, I knew I wanted to know more about him. After the 2nd date I could feel myself starting to have deeper feelings. By the end of the 3rd date I knew I wanted him to be my bf. How in the world is that me using him??

Oh well. If this goes back to the tires, which I'm sure it does, I cant change that. He did that. If its about me living w/ him after such a short time...really? Ummm need I remind you I provided my own way. He didn't move me from my moms to his house, thank you. And if one day he and I decide for me to go part time or hell not work at all, that's between me and J and no one else. Or worsest (lol) case scenerio I need to move out and get my own place I can do that too. So mind yo bid-ness. Mkay.

Quick Bc I'm tired

*I am officially 100% totally moved out keys given back. It was bittersweet. I am so happy J is awesome. But it was my little tiny place. Oh well next chapter in my life.

*I am so tired and sore. My hands are killing me.

*I stayed up too late and in the living room, Donna and Danny just got home...its 2am and damn it I should have run into the bedroom. Shit!

Ugh seriously...I dont know what to do now...J why are you sleeping? Save me...k I'm going. Wish me luck.

Ran outta time and didnt post this on Monday night...

So tonight when I get off I'm not going home, I have to go to my apt. Its didnt make sense to drive to Katy when I needed to be back in Clear Lake in the morning. I am planning on being done w/ everything tomorrow. I found someone who needed the bed. Russell is taking the loveseat and the recliner. I'm really ready to get this over and done w/.
I'm kinda sad to not be going home. The apt isnt home and hasnt been in or felt that way in awhile. I am used to feeling J's kisses in the morning when he leaves for work. Hmmm I'm gonna miss him so much tomorrow, but I'm glad I'm off so once he gets off we will have the next few evenings together.
I got my flu shot today and my arm has been sore since. But I am glad I got it. One less thing on my to-do list. But man today has really been a pretty crappy day. So glad its my Friday.