Whats wrong with me?

I dont understand whats happening?
I am completely terrified over something bad happening w/ me and Kevin. This feeling of intensity is turning into anxiety. Which is eventually gonna give me an ulcer.
It probably has something to do w/ having ZERO control over the situation. Since he has no phone and we only communicate via yahoo IM or gmail chat (very rarely his office phone) I cant just call or text and have him respond. You dont realize how comforting that is until you dont have it.
I'm gonna have to pray for peace and comfort for myself. lol
Ugh...

ETA: I know I sound crazy. I'm venting my "crazy" out and keeping it away from actual people bc I realize how I sound. lol

Puss Pockets are Sexy :)

Last night was awful. After I got home I felt like death. Just completely drained and no will to live. lol So I packed up some stuff and went to my apt to let Russ baby me. I get off at 10:30, get home around 11:10, I ate dinner, packed up and drove over there. By 1am I was in bed. I slept till 11am. It was glorious. But I would be happier if I could stay home in my jammies and eat soft foods and sip on cold or hot drinks. I went ahead and made an appt to see my dr tomorrow morning. I'm nervous. I havent seen her since earlier this year and I am a bad patient. I am also nervous about getting on that scale. But it will be good to be for sure what my number is. I am hoping I can convince here to give me a shot instead of a round of antibiotics bc A: I am terrible about remembering to take them and B: they give me yeast infections sometimes. Too effective, kill all the bacteria!!! No no, some we need, stupid strong pills. Calm down.
One of the things I do when I am really sick is actually funny. When I am sleeping I make funny noises and talk a WHOLE lot. If I have a fever its even worse. I dont have to be asleep, just sitting there watching tv and I'll like make this grunt sound. The sleep talking is worse w/ a fever too. Its one of those things outside of it I think its pretty funny, during the moment, I'm sick and probably grumpy and always super emotional, I'll cry bc you are picking on me by laughing. Luckily I havent had a fever yet this go round.

Only 11 more days till the WLS seminar.
Oh and looks like Russ and I are switching places this weekend. Wahoo. I am so freaking excited.

Now or Never!!

So... I made the decision to go forward w/ trying to get lapband. I am so majorly excited but I am trying not to get my hopes up, in case my insurance doesn't cover it for some reason. I don't know why it wouldn't. I mean I work for a group of clinics of over 23+ locations in a major city, one of the most obese places in the USA. Seems like they of all people would cover weight loss surgery (from here on referred to WLS). We will see.
I have battled the decision to have WLS since 2006 when I found out the comp's insurance I worked for at the time covered it. My family has really pushed and pushed, friends have tried also. But really, no one could ever convince me to do this. And no one should have. Its something I needed to be ready for. To do it for me. So after researching it and then putting it on the back burner and doing that for 5 years I am finally ready. I cant even imagine how it will change my life. I have been overweight my entire life. And the lbs just keep coming. This is me taking over my life. And what a better time then now to do it.