Holding My Breath

OMG so tonight is (maybe) the night that I will finally get to meet Adam. If he chickens out I am going to lose it. He has a girlfriend, I get it. But people cheat. So either cheat or not, don’t string people along. I know all he has to do is show up, the rest will just fall into place.

I am seeing Burrito on Friday. I may not have ever mentioned him here. He is a very sweet guy, looking for a girlfriend but English isn't his 1st language and we just don’t have anything in common. He pursued me for awhile and I finally gave in. Then after that I told him I wasn’t interested. He would message me every once in awhile. Hoping to have some contact w/ me. He asked to be my FWB and after thinking about it for 2 days I said ok. So there's that.

Besides my boy escapades, there is so much going on in my world. I don’t even know where to begin. My mom left my dad 2 Sundays ago. And now my dad is text me and freaking out all the time. Good times. And my mom is… annoying me bc I think she may have lied to me about something. I'm gonna talk to her about it and see.

My baby brothers court date was set so I need to see about getting time off from work so I can be there. I have to be there. Not an option.

And then the whole thing w/ Russell. I think I am going to have to tell him I don’t think we will ever work it out. I don’t know how I am going to be able to break it to him. Ugh fun times.

Randomness

I need a boyfriend. I have so much going on in my personal life, I need someone who can be there for me while I handle all this. I don’t wanna do it alone.
My mom left my (step)dad on Sunday. My 2 baby bothers in jail awaiting trial. My and my separation. Just a lot going on. Would be nice to have a boy around to help me take my mind off things.
I wonder if me leaving Russell is the reason my mom got the courage to leave my
My mind is kinda all over the place.
I like Michael, but I really really want Adam. I feel like I am getting someone where with him. He really needs to break up w/ his stupid girlfriend.
And now Michael might kinda be getting on my nerves. We dont know each other that well and it seems to be causing issues via texting. Last night I complimented him and we argued about me saying whatever. Now tonight we are going back and forth over something I said. Frustrating.
Anyway...too much randomness in my head to make a semi readable post. dad? Interesting.

Pros and Cons

First date w/ Michael last night. I would say it was more like a meet in real life to see if we both are still interested. Which we are, yay.

Pros:

• He is cuter then I expected.
• He drives a nice truck.
• He has a good job.
• No kids.
• Good conversation.

Cons:

• He has a gold tooth.
• He talks a little ghetto.
• His mom is sick.
• He works a lot.

This is going to be really interesting trying to figure out how we are gonna continue seeing each other. Our schedules are just all over the place. He works 6 days a week, 3pm-4am. He's off on Sundays. How in the world…sigh… I guess we will figure this out somehow if we wanna make it work.

The Line Up

So I seem to have narrowed down my search to 4 guys. Its been the same 4 for a few weeks. Well same 2 for over a month and then 2 newer guys. These are the names to learn and a little back story for those keeping up. And these are in the order of my preference for wanting them.

Adam(Josh) - 2 names bc when I met him online he introduced himself as Josh. He has a GF and we were friends first. So I know about his relationship. When things went in a "new" direction with us, he admitted his name was really Adam. Lol Ok. He has never cheated on his gf and he struggles w/ what he should do. The only reason I believe him is bc he was on my part of town last weekend and getting him to drive by, not even stop, was a big freaking deal. I keep saying I wont do anything w/ him till he makes up his mind, grows some balls and ditches the gf. We will see how that goes.

Michael - Black guy, buff, hard worker. Seems to have the same moral/religious beliefs as me. Huge plus. We have good conversations. But its been hard for us to meet bc our schedules are off. And it seems like I may have gotten him confused w/ another guy bc he isn't in school. Just working. Whoops. First time that happened. Ttt He is also a gentleman bc I told him I wasn’t interested in sex right away and he didn’t flinch. We will see.

Justin - I like the idea of this one. Old HS "sweetheart" seems like a good idea. Except his got some baggage he needs to clear up first. He's just getting back on his feet after many many years of … crap. Its fun talking to him. We already know each other. If he was local and already back on his feet this would be more fun.

Allen - IDK maybe he shouldn’t even be on here. But I like him for now. He has a job, car, potential. He's cute. Nice wiener. Lol He seems shady tho...

Drama!

My work BFF is coming back from vacation tomorrow. Yay. I sure have missed him. He got married and took 2 weeks off for that. We entertain each other during slow times and bitch to each other during busy times. I think it’s the first time I have ever truly honestly been just close friends w/ a guy. Usually I start to have a crush or he starts to take it to a sexual place. So this is nice. And he gives me good guy advice.

I cashed out my 401k from my old job. I'm getting back a few $$'s. I do owe back taxes tho so it might get garnished. And if it does that’s ok it needs to be paid. But if it doesn’t I am going shopping!! Whoop Whop Wop! Hey Krystal on our next bff night we are going to dinner and then doing something fun like bingo or something, my treat! I am going to catch up on my car note too. I am only one month behind but freaking BOA is the devil and they stalker call me and my mom.

OMG! I just got some crazy information but I cant even talk about it here…bummer.

So the boys…Brian is trying to make a comeback. I told him I had lost interest and he was coming across as if he also wasn’t really interested…

Too much is going on for me to focus on this blog entry.

Quit testing my nerves

Ok Brian is really testing me. He had to cancel at the last minute the other night. After I had already driven out to where he was. I was one exit away when he text w/ "oh you are already on your way"
….??

Yeah that’s why I sent the text that said I was on my way. Ugh ok whatever.
Then Tuesday night he wanted me to come over but he waited until 11:30pm to ask me, so I said no. Mostly bc I feel like we aren't really clicking.
Then last night he waited till I was driving home to invite me over. I accepted and asked for his address. He took 30 mins to respond, by then I was home. So I shaved my legs, got clothes together, ate and texted him to let him know I was leaving. He responds back with "oh you're coming?"
….??

I stop. Wait for his reply, no he still wants me to come. Ok. Keep driving. Then he says sorry he has to pick up a friend, so I turn around. Then said go ahead and come over. We did this 3 times!!! OMG!
Now I haven't heard from him all day. I'm done. D.O.N.E. I think…

I booked a weekend at the KOA kampground that Russ and I went to last year. They were having a stay one night get once free special and so I invited Russ to go again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to spend a whole weekend with him but I wasn’t going to invite a strange man. I'll probably regret this later on.

Finally my Friday. Didn’t think it was ever coming. I have a million errands to run tomorrow tho. Chancey is getting a much needed hair cut. I cant hardly see his face. Taking my car to the shop, the gear shift is stuck and its so hard to change gears. Sometimes it slips back into neutral while I am driving. Very scary. And then I also wanna re pierce my nose. I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to day today (tomorrow, lol)

Can I get away w/ murder?

Thursday after work I had date #2 with Brian, the gentleman. Things are going well w/ him. I'm not in love with him or anything. Its weird bc normally I get SUPER attached like immediately. But with him its like yes I like him. And that is all. He is cute and really sweet. We seem to have a weird getting adjusted to each other moments. I don’t know… Maybe I am forcing an attraction to him. We don’t talk much, its weird. But we have plans for tonight so we'll see how that goes.

I am also still talking to my HS bf, Justin. A guy named Jim. And then there is Adam. I'm not actually dating them. Just talking. Things in the single life have been pretty quiet lately…hmmm.

Spent too much time w/ Russell last week. Thought I was gonna have to kill him. Then proceeded to get in a huge screaming fight w/ him over the phone and my roommates heard it all. Super awesome. I can only tolerate him in very small amounts. Maybe spend the night every 2 weeks or so. He has a monopoly on me bc I really wanna be able to relax and be "alone" and I can do that at the apt. Plus I love to see my babies. Max and Chance. I miss them so much. I want my apt back. But then I love my roommates and staying w/ them is fun. Boo.

I need to lose weight. I wanna be able to go to the ren fest this year and not wanna kill myself before I even get outta the parking lot. AND I wanna be able to dance like a retard at the halloween party. So… I have 2 months. Man that’s it. Crap. I need to start walking like ASAP.

The Gentleman

So after reading that article, I posted a personal ad on CL telling the guys to read the article. Then if they want to declare their love of fat chicks and date a super awesome one they should reply to the ad.
As usually I got plenty of responses and started weeding thru them. The jerks. The sex focused. The perverts. But then I got a message from Brian. Brian and I emailed a few times, then he shared his number. We texted thru out the day yesterday and on my way home he asked if I had any plans for the night. I didn’t. So I invited him over.
At first it was really awkward. He didn’t seem interested. Maybe he could tell I was nervous or something. IDK. We watched a movie and barely spoke. Towards the end of the movie, we loosened up and started talking. After the movie, I put on something else to watch and we cuddled up on the couch. We held hands and he massaged my neck (bc I was complaining about my neck hurting via text earlier that day). Nothing ever got too far, he never even tried. He kissed my forehead and stroked my arm. It was adorable.
Then when the evening was over, I walked him to the door and he kissed me goodnight, hugged me and left. I couldn’t believe what a gentleman he was. I am not used to it at all. All the past guys, even if they weren't too pushy, would be so sexually focused. I am excited to see how it goes w/ Brian. Either way he def won some points for the way he carries himself.

"Perfect" Men are Out There

I some how stumbled on to this article in The Village Voice and I think I am in love. I dont know who I'm in love with but... its someone awesome. I feel so validated after reading it.

I wanna find some FA groups or something.
K Thats all.