Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

What A Disaster

I went out last night w/ a friend to watch the UFC fight and smoke. Well while I was over there, my dad called and said my moms boyfriend texted him, from my moms phone and said for my dad to come get his wife. I told my dad to just hold on and I'll call my mom. Called. No answer. Called the BF. No answer. Text. Call. Left messages. Nada. At the same time my dad is calling me. Texting me. My brother is now calling. Texting me. I am the only one who knows where she lives. I am conflicted bc my dad is kind of crazy when it comes to my mom. And he had been hounding me. I didnt know what to do. So finally I give in, gave the address to my dad and brother. Apparently once there, my mom and Pedro call the cops, they pretend to leave and then when the cops leave they go back. My mom calls me. But I ignore the call. Then my brother text me, to apologize for my dad telling my mom that I gave the address. So I call him and hes like momma is mad and I can hear my dad in the background and we get in a yelling match. I was asking him to please stop putting me in the middle. I asked him to please not call me anymore w/ these things. I hate being in the middle. Hes get mad and starts cussing me out. And I dont take shit from him so I start yelling and cursing back at him. He says Fuck You. So FUCK YOU BACK. And I hang up.
I immediately call my mom and she says why did you tell them? And I start to get emotional and I'm so rambling about not wanting to be in the middle. And eveyone just needs to let me live my life and stay out of my life bc I dont need any extra drama/bullshit, especially from my PARENTS! I say something about her bf being childish by texting my dad when he and my mom are fighting...It was the first time I have EVER cussed at or even around my mom. And then I hung up on her.
I dropped the phone and sobbed. Not cried. Sobbed. Like hysterically. Tears pouring from my eyes. The only thing I have ever been able to count on in my life is my family. And now it is shattering to a million pieces. I have nothing but shit in my life. I cant find a decent man, that I want to be w/ who wants me, makes me feel sexy, beautiful and loved. That thinks I am awesome. The whole Kevin thing is still fresh. I feel broken from that. My schedule at work suck, dont have time to spend w/ my family/go to family functions. I'm still fat. And probably always will be. I'm almost 30 and dont have a kid, etc. Ryland and his whole situation...

Both my mom and dad sent me a text shortly after to apologize for me being in the middle and having to deal w/ that. I dont know what I am going to do. One of the reasons I wanted the Kevin thing to work out was bc of all this...he was going to be my prince charming. He was supposed to save me...I need someone who can be here when I cry. To wipe my tears away, hold me tightly and kiss my forehead, and tell me that everything is going to be ok. It was supposed to be him...


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