Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Monday, September 19, 2011

The One About My Family

I have mentioned it briefly about my mom leaving my (step)dad. That is a whole long story that I wasn't really ready to get into. But I feel like it will help me cope if I vent alittle and in an effort to be a good blogger I need to get my reader(s) up to speed.

My mom was a teen mom, my parents were never married. My "real" dad was not a major role then (or ever). My mom and stepdad began dating when I was 2 or 3. They married when I was 5 and he has always been my dad. I didn't like him tho. He was mean. And really strict. Like way too strict for a 5 yr old. And they would fight a lot. I don't remember them actually getting physical but apparently it did happen. I would pray for my mom to leave him or him to leave and not come back. The fighting continued for years and years. When I was 8 they had my brother, Ronnie. And then when I was 11 they had Ryland.

When I was 12 my mom went back to school and 2 years later they both worked 2nd jobs so I took care of my brothers. I still hate my dad and they still fight a lot. But its not physical anymore. All I do it go to school and when I come home, I get my brothers from the bus, do my chores, take them outside, cook dinner, help them w/ their homework, bathe them, and put them and myself to bed. I do that for a year or 2 and I start getting into trouble so my dad quits his night job and stays home in the evenings now.

We continue to butt heads and he and I start getting into physical fights. My mom hates it. She feels bad I have to do so much around the house and how strict he is on me' but nothing changes. I hardly see my mom at all from 8th grade thru HS, or it felt that way at least. My brothers are my babies!

My dads mom and dad die and all of a sudden he stops being so strict. He lets me smoke and drink at the house. We start getting along more. He apologized for being an asshole when I was younger. I still have chores and have to take care of a lot of the house since my mom is gone a lot but everything is good, sorta. I turn 18 and move out.

My dad is a very angry man and can get really mad really fast. He is a functioning alcoholic and drug user(these are my opinions, never admitted by him) so he has fits of rage over the stupids crap. My mom has graduated and has a good job. Things look like they are going well. My parents have their annoying moments. They are always the ones who bicker at family functions, my dad will pout or leave, after cussing my mother out in front of everyone. My mom isn't happy but... she not going anywhere.

My baby brother, Ryland goes to jail (more on that some other time) and that obviously puts a strain on my family, but even more so my mom and dad. My mom doesn't/hasn't dealt with it at all. Its been 2 yrs and she is still keeping everything bottled up. My dad is very emotional and has gotten into fights w/ my mom over what caused my brother to go down the wrong path. He's really controlling over my mom and snoops thru her things. She hates it.

Fast forward to 3-4 weeks ago, I am talking w/ my mom and she tells me she has tried to leave him so many times but when he gets mean and she was scared. BUT she finally did it she left, yay! Good for her....except now hes airing out their marital issues and being ugly. I have found out about stuff I really didn't wanna know. And Ronnie has really been having a tough time w/ her behavior vs how she raised us. Ryland doesn't know bc we cant decided if he should know or not. I have my mom keeping me out of it bc she feels that since we are grown its not really our business, my dad calling to cry to me and insult my mother, and my brother judging my mom for things that are very hard to know about ones own mother but don't change the fact that she is an awesome mom.

Point of the story, my mom should have left my dad when we were kids instead of staying together for the kids, bc your parents divorcing as an adult SUCKS! I feel like my whole life is being dumped upside down. Its hard enough having my brother, my sweet baby brother gone for 2 years(so far) and my own divorce. Now I feel like I don't have anything left. The strong loving family that we were (really we were, lol) is gone. Gone. I feel alone and empty. And it is awful.

Nothing will ever be the same.

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