No TV and No Beer make Homer Something Something

Stop playing w/ my emotions.
I am going to FLIP OUT. Its not ok. Its not. And I am tired of feeling crazy over some guy.
Kevin has once again gone MIA. Sunday was the last time we IM-ed. I am not a crazy girlfriend. I am really not. But he is making me this way.
When he logs in, when ever that may be, he will hear about this. Either he has time for me in his life and will respect my time as well or he doesnt and he needs to let me move on. I dont have to sit around and wait on his ass. I have options and I deserve to be treated like a FREAKING MATTER!!!!!!

Happy Post

Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Mine was all over the place but over all pretty good. If nothing else I got a car.

Yep. You read that right. I got a car. Shes beautiful. lol 2002 Acura 3.2TL I have pics but I'm at work. I got her all by myself...sorta. Its in my own name. I did borrow the down payment from my momma but I am paying her back this week.

I ordered a sexy little "outfit" from Hips and Curves and everything looks and fits great except the corset. I am so bummed. I read the sizing instructions for everything more then once. It said order by your bra band size and if your cup was DDD or larger go up 2 inches. So if my bra is 42G they are suggesting a 44. In the comments it stated if you want a more "relaxed" fit go bigger. I ordered a 46. That thing is a joke. I would have to have someone dress me :( I cant decide if I want to return it or not. I probably will. Its not practical to have someone (krystal) come over everytime I wanna wear it.

Went grocery shopping. How is it that everything needed to be replaced this week? Toilet paper, razor blades, qtips, cat litter, cat and dog food, etc plus groceries. Crazyness.

After a few days of not talking to Kevin, I finally got a message from him telling me he was leaving for his hunting trip. Which is exactly what I asked him to do so that eased my mind. (And if he was trying to phase me out he wouldn't have done that. lol) Then the 1st thing he did when he got back in town late late last night, a day early, was let me know he was home. Then we chatted today. I miss him so much. I cant wait to see him again.

Hate all the things!!

I'm too depressed to blog...
Which is kinda silly bc actually I use my blog to vent and such so I should just post about the issue troubling me.
But I dont wanna sit here and think about the stuff thats make me sad.
BUT I dont wanna neglect my blog either.
So I'll do a bullet point post and get my issues out and catch y'all up.

*My car. I hate BOA. Its gone...my poor baby car that I loved so much.
*I have no transportation.
*Russell is moving back into my apt bc...I need him around for transportation but his truck sucks up so much gas that he cant afford to drive to his house and back, picking me up, etc. Yay.
*Kevin not having a phone. I am sad and want to be comforted.
*I got approved for a car loan in my name but its part of a 2nd chance credit program and it requires me to have a co-signer for 6 months and no one, who has been nice enough to try, has credit thats good enough. Everyone w/ good credit wont do it. I understand its risky but I was even willing to have my direct dep automatically take the amt of the car note and put it in their acct.
*I asked my family to please stop having all the family functions on Sundays bc I have to work and cant attend, and to please swt them back to Saturdays like they used to be. (The only reason they swt to Sundays to begin w/ was bc my mom worked Saturdays years ago and couldnt go to those, but now thats not necessary.) And yet 3 of the last 4 have still been Sundays. I hate not being able to see my family, makes me even more depressed.

Whatever...this isnt helping. I just feel like crying so I'm gone for now. Have a good Thanksgiving. I'll be working.

I'm all better..I know you were worried. lol

Whats wrong with me?

I dont understand whats happening?
I am completely terrified over something bad happening w/ me and Kevin. This feeling of intensity is turning into anxiety. Which is eventually gonna give me an ulcer.
It probably has something to do w/ having ZERO control over the situation. Since he has no phone and we only communicate via yahoo IM or gmail chat (very rarely his office phone) I cant just call or text and have him respond. You dont realize how comforting that is until you dont have it.
I'm gonna have to pray for peace and comfort for myself. lol
Ugh...

ETA: I know I sound crazy. I'm venting my "crazy" out and keeping it away from actual people bc I realize how I sound. lol

Such a Worrywart

Sorry for being MIA for almost a week. Theres a lot going on both in life and in my head and I havent been able to process it all.

First off BOA repo-ed my car. I am super annoyed about it bc I honestly didnt know I was far enough behind for it to be repo-ed. I mean I knew I was behind, but... yeah. That happened over night Friday. So I have been vehicle-less for a few days. I am getting it back just trying to get a total from BOA. Even tho they took the car Fri/Sat it still has yet to be processed. Bc of this I am on an impromptu vacation. Yay.

Saturday night Kevin asked if I would be interested in moving in w/ him and his son when they move down here. That wont be till after the first of the year, so we still have time to get to know each other. He said he is ready for me to meet his son. Wow... yeah ok. Sunday he told me if he gets this job (that hes in Dallas for the 2nd interview) then when I move in I wont have to work. Wow again. I understand his reasons, he even said when he asked me to move in, that he just wants to be with me all the time. So if I kept this current job I wouldnt be home when he was, or have the same days off. But I dont think I wanna not work at all. IDK. I'll have to see how the next few months go.

I went and saw Kevin at his job Monday night and hes just so awesome. He pushes me outta my comfort zone in a good way. Makes me not be to uptight and rigid. He has an office thats kinda out of the way and a door that locks. So we had alittle fun, which was so not like me at all. I am not an outside of the box kinda girl. His office is also just a hallway away from the lake. We sat out there for awhile and talked more. It was really nice out there.

OK so thats all the actual stuff. But internally I am fighting myself. I hate the fight. I am so afraid of rejection. And the unknown. All my head does all day is worry. I'm gonna have an ulcer by the time we move in together. Its all unfounded. I know this. So at the same time I am worrying I am also trying to tell myself to calm down, shut up and everything is fine. I am such an uptight person. I wind myself up tighter and tighter. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaah!!! I am annoying myself.

I love Kevin.
Kevin loves me.
Everything is good.
(repeat until Jan)

Say Aah - Music Meme

Thanks to Amanda for this awesome Meme!

For an explanation of the blog title, please see the last question!

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Write that song name no matter how weird it sounds.  (NO CHEATING!)
4. Tag some other people and force them to do the same thing ♥

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
Right Thru Me – Nicki Minaj
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Take it Off – Ke$ha (hehe)
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Always - Atlantic Starr
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
I Keep Forgetting - Michael McDonald
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Pray for You - Jaron
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
I Celebrate My Love for You – Peabo Bryson and Roberta Flack (I am a little obsessed w/ love)
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Beautiful Girls All Over the World - B.O.B
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Hood Rat Bitch - Cash Money Millionaires (How rude!!)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Realize - Colbie Caillat
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Love Me Dead - Ludo
WHAT IS 2+2?
All of Creation – Mercy Me
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Here and Now – Luther Vandross (Perfect)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Young Forever – Jay-Z
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Firework - Katy Perry
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Party Like a Rockstar – Lil Wayne (Hahaha)
WHAT WILL YOU DO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Beat the Trunk Up - GT Featuring Slim Thug (Probably true)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hard to say I'm Sorry - Chicago
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Marvin's Room - Drake
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Drive - The Cars (bad drivers/car accidents all scary)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
We're in This Love Together - Al Jarreau (Back to the love again)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Stitch by Stitch - Javier Colon
WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
My Old Friend - Tim McGraw (Russell? lol)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
All I Do is Win - DJ Khaled
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
My Best Friend – Tim McGraw (True Story)
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Last Friday Night - Katy Perry (I did cry last friday)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Secrets – One Republic (lol)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Say Something(Dirty) - Timberland ft Drake (I hate talking dirty, lol)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
My Chick Bad - Ludacris & Nicki Minaj (Kevin did say I was wild one ;)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Just Cant Get Enough - Black Eyed Peas (of Kevin?)
WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO SAY TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU?
I Want This Forever - Drake ft Lil Wayne, Eminem, Kayne West (I wasnt tagged but I love Meme's)
WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE?
Say Aah - Trey Songz (ttt)

I love Meme's!!

Introducing...

Kevin and Rhianna

Yep. I never had a doubts on my feelings for this man. Almost from the moment he responded to my ad, I have felt deeply connected to him. No reason for this. And its not normal. I dont typically fall so quickly. There have been others tho. Not gonna lie. Mostly those were physical tho, ie Fat Mike, Philip. I had this connection w/ Kevin before it was even possible to have a physical connection, obviously.

Last night was finally the night. Our schedules parted and a magical rainbow window appeared for us. lol He had to work late Tues night, till 10pm and had to be back at 7am. Since he lives over an hour from his job, driving back and forth would have been dumb. On nights like that his boss will pays for a room. So he got a room at Super 8. After I got off work I met him there. I was so nervous for 2 reasons, safety first. Uh hello I was meeting him at a hotel. A strange man. lol. But I have a system and I always try to be as safe as possible. Reason 2, we were finally meeting.
Once I got there I was stupid nervous, saying dumb stuff I'm sure. Just talk, talk, talk, talk. It helps calm my nerves. If you asked me what I talked about. I had no idea, I think I told him why I decided not to eat Ramen Noodles right before I come over?? Ugh I dont know... once I shut up and let him know I was calming down, he leaned over and kissed me.
Phew, thats what I needed.
Pretty much the rest of the night went well. He doesnt normally stay up real late so he started to crash about an hr after I got there. We were just laying in the bed chatting and I would look up and he'd be sleeping. lol Poor little sleepy head. So I went ahead and let him sleep. I turn out the lights and watched tv until I fell asleep too.
He didnt try to rush anything, but we still had a great night. *cough*notsayingwewastedahoteltroom*cough* His alarm was set for 6 but he over slept, we woke up at 7. Oops, so he got dresses and flew out the door. I stayed till check out and then on my way home he texted to see if I wanted to meet him for lunch. So I went home, changed and then picked him up. He works at the Hilton right on the lake so we just went back there and sat out by the water.
We talked and he told me how happy he was that I was still interested after meeting him. lol That was the same thing I was worried about. We talked about how crazy it is that we just found each other. How does that happen!!? Seriously, so weird. Then we decided to make it official.

I am now in a relationship. OMG! I heart my bf! Kevin and Rhianna forever!! lol

Thank God. Seriously. I am so thankful to God for giving me Kevin. He has been a light in my life. Even tho 28 days to meet was rough, I remained as patient as I could be. I prayed and thanked Him for bringing Kevin into my life. And I will continue to pray for our relationship. I want this one to be done right. And that is thru God.

Finally

In about 1 hr and 20 mins I will finally be meeting Kevin.

HOLY FREAKING CRAP. TODAY HAS BEEN THE LONGEST DAY EVER.

Weekend Wrap Up

*Thursday night, my Fridays, I went over to seem my old roomies. I hung out over there for awhile, got the scoop on the new roommates and how they hate them. lol
*Friday was my lazy day. I went grocery shopping. Made tator tot cass. Krystal was supposed to come over but she ditched me. So that was nice. lol Then later that night was when Kevin and I get into a little situation. And I cried. lol.
*Part of Saturday was quite lazy at first also. But then Saturday night Krystal and I went to play Bingo. So fun even if we never win. And we were the first outta the parking lot! WAHOOO! We won that. Ha.
*Sunday before work Kevin and I had that great convo. Then I went to work. While I was at work Kevin and I talked some more. That convo was also awesome. We talked about the future. Got some good info. We started the whole "I'm not on the pill" convo and he said he had a vasectomy. That made me sad, and he asked me if I wanted kids one day. I said I did. Just 1. A girl. I asked why he did that w/ only one kiddo. His reply was that he only wants one. I told him that made me a little sad but it didnt ruin everything. And he said he's not opposed to having more kids. Awww...seriously, guys. He'd be willing to put his junk back under the knife just to make adorable fat babies w/ me. If thats not true love...lol.

That was it. Exciting right? Arent you jealous of my life??

Much Better.

Phew, after that last post I was feeling like I was gonna lose it. I hate that feeling of unknown. My mind tortures me and comes up w/ these horrible ideas and it just starts to snowball out of control.
We talked this morning. He was saying he just wants to know someone loves him, or even likes him. I guess he was feeling me pulling back. So we got some stuff off our chest. It was needed.

And I am getting more comfortable w/ how I feel for him. Luckily we finally are meeting, Tuesday night. OMG! I am nervous but its about time. Since I am trying to just embrace the feelings w/o over analyzing them I am going to be the biggest romantic cheesy sap ever. Hope you got your nausea meds, lol. I have been listening to songs and picking apart lyrics. Finding quotes, etc. I love it.

And with that I will leave you with one from today...

"But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted to the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round
Thinking I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth..."

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

The One Where I have an Emotional Breakdown

So Kevin and I had our first little ... fight or something? I dont even know. But what was so crazy is that even tho we were communicating via IM he knew I was upset. We had been IM-ing back a forth for only a few mins. He's sick and I was asking how he was feeling. Then just out of now where he said you must be mad at me. I was thinking of the words I wanted to say. It too new for me to feel like I tell him the 100% truth bc I am very emotional and I'm afraid. Ok There I said it. I am afraid of him losing interest. SO I am trying to figure out the words when he replies I know babe...
I burst into tears. How in the world does he know?! I reply back that I am sad and I feel stupid. I explain to him that I am literally crying over a guy who I havent met yet that I have more feelings for then I can understand...and I have horrible luck dating and I am scared that I am getting played. I dont feel like you are lying or playing games. Its been an unfortunate series of uncontrollable situations that have kept you from me, but ... I'm still scared.
He replied that he understood and does he need to back off?
No way. That would be the worse. What I need from you is to reassure me that you arent a dickhead and that it will get better... we get thru it and he comforts me, by the end of our chat I am back to normal.

But I am frustrated right now bc we still havent met in real life. Between his work schedule, mine, his boy and his boys bday and halloween, and then him being sick it just hasnt worked out, just in the short 3 weeks we've been talking. Fine. Whatever. But then the other side of me gets nervous and a fear of rejection starts to creep up and it picks at the cracks in my armor. Rational Rhianna is rational and fine.

There is something different about our relationship. And its the whole "love" thing. I have such a hard time even accepting it to myself let alone letting anyone in my life know how strongly I feel for this man. I dont know why I feel this way. I cant explain it. I wish I could. But hand on the bible from day we started emailing back and forth I felt something. So it may not fit in with the typical timeline but oh well. I did it the "right" way the 1st time and look what happened.

Ugh... its 4:30 I need to sleep

Thursday Thirteen

1. Kevin - hes sick w/ the flu...poor little baby, but we are settling into a nice little spot together, its comfy.
2. Kevins house - he had an offer on it, too low, so he countered...we will see!!
3. Russ - we are doing very well at finding our way as friends. There are bumps but he is aware of Kevin and respects my privacy and relationship w/ him.
4. Bills - I started up an acct at clearcheckbook.com so I can follow my expenses more closely.
5. WLS - 11/12 is the seminar. Nervous, yet excited.
6. Sleep - its getting better, most night, altho I need to watch how late I eat and what I am eating, heartburn/acid reflex is back w/ some big balls, ouch
7. Ryland - he has called me a few days in a row to just say I love you. Awww so sweet.
8. Shopping - I really want a new purse. And I need a few new pairs of pants for work.
9. My Tire - I still need to get a new one, still on my donut...not good.
10. Mass Firing - at my old job, every year right before the holidays they fire a bunch of people. But this years list seemed to be the most tenured and typically the higher performers. Glad I am not there.
11. Krystal - Hey! I wanna see Anonymous and I wanna play Bingo. Saturday? For bingo I mean?
12. Need to go see my dad.
13. Clean my room. My room is messy right now and its driving me crazy.

8 Years Ago Today Part 2

At this time 8 years ago Russell and I were in the back of our limo headed to the reception. Just me and him. Its would be the first time we had a chance to be alone together and the last for the rest of the evening until we left for our honeymoon suite. So we had the driver take the long way. When we finally got to the hotel everyone was wonder what took so long. lol

So where I left off yesterday - After Russell dropped me off and I was safely inside I dont remember anything. I dont know if I got a snack or watched tv. I do remember laying in bed wondering if I would ever fall asleep. Apparently I did. I woke up to a phone call around 9ish from my BFFs in Baton Rouge. Thats where we were living at the time. Donna and Jennifer. They were fixing to go work and wanted to say Happy Wedding Day. lol We all worked together at Piccadilly. We talked for awhile and I wished that they were able to come but my boss couldnt give all 3 of us the days off. Humph...dont know why. lol

After I got off the phone I went into the kitchen where my momma made me breakfast. She make me a fajita omlet. I remember her saying Russells mom probably made him breakfast so she had to too. lol She thought I didnt like onions so she left them out. Shes wrong I do like them. Especially grilled. After breakfast I showered. I shaved everything!! I remember my dad was banged on the door at some point about me taking too long. And then hearing my mom say shes showering for her wedding, leave her alone. lol

I had my outfit picked out way in advance bc I had read in a bridal magazine to make sure you wear a button down so you can get your shirt off w/o messin up your hair/veil/makeup. I worn my fav pink striped top that I wore to my Bridal Shower. And a pair of jeans. We went to a place in Alvin where she did my nails, makeup and hair. I wore it half up and she placed my veil in. I swear I had 100 bobby pins in my hair that day.

Afterwards we went to the dollar tree. Not sure what we were getting there, but EVERYONE was staring at me. We went back home and started loading up the car. Just me and momma for now, but they only had one car so we all had to pack into the car w/ my dress and all the accessories. lol As we were leaving we were doing the checklist off in our heads and OMG I dont have a garter. So we stopped a few places and luckily right before the church there is a little boutique and they had some. Oops. lol

Once at the church, my bridesmaid and maids of honor show up. They are getting ready putting on make up. My gpa stops by to drop off a meat tray for snacks. Bc the wedding planner lady said we should have snacks. The wedding planner wasnt hired by us, she works for the church. She was a dud. I remember going to smoke a cigarette w/ my girlfriends. Taking pics of the bridal party before the ceremony. But not w/ Russell. My mom FREAKING out bc me and Russell cant see each other. Yes we know, mom, calm down.

Then is was time. I was waiting around the corner and Ronnie, my brother, came out and said you look very beautiful. I asked him who told you to say that. lol I can hear my mom singing Ava Maria. I am standing next to the water fountain. Ok they shut the doors to the sanctuary, my step dad on my left, my gpa on my right, they open the doors, the music starts, everyone stands and turns to me. I feel sick to my stomach. I'm looking at the people as we walk. I totally forgot to look at Russell. Oops ok Look now. I look at him. Hes smiling. Phew ok.

At the end of the ceremony as the pastor announce us, we kiss, then turn, everyone stands, music starts and we head back down the aisle, my arm around his, I am looking into the crowds. 2nd to last row. My real dad!! Last row Jennifer and Donna from Baton Rouge. I burst into tears. Russ and I are whisked into a side room to keep the guest from trying to hug us and congratulate us there (thats planned at the reception) we need to finish pictures. Supposedly when my mom saw me crying she pushed Russell outta the way to see what was wrong. He has never let that go. To this day. lol

The rest of the night is a blur. We are moved like cattle from one location to another. Cut cake. Pics. Toss flowers. Pics. Garter. Pics. Toast. Pics. Then we dance. And dance and dance. Wonderful night w/ friends and family. At the very end of the night, my mom, dad and brothers help us carry our things to the honeymoon suite we booked for just that night. The honeymoon is in New Orleans but we got 1 night free at the reception location. Ryland doesnt wanna leave the room, he doesnt understand why he cant spend the night. I undress, down to my petticoat and boob thingy, lol. My parents finally drag him out literally kicking and screaming. I shower and try to get all my bobby pins out.

Since we had 2 surprise out of town guest, staying in the same hotel, we had a small after party in their room. We smoke and drink. And then head back to our room. The hotel filled our room w/ plate of food. Which was good bc I didnt eat at the reception at all. I think I had a pineapple ring and a strawberry. lol After we ate, we head upstair (the room was a loft) and theres champagne. We toast to each other, take a sip, then pour it out and add Dr Pepper to the glasses. We spread all the cards, cash and envelopes out and start counting...

We ended up w/ $1000+ in gifts just from the $$ dance and the people who gave us cash and prizes. And we spent it all on the honeymoon. We had an amazing honeymoon in New Orleans...

So there is it. For the last time. All typed out.