Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Friday, January 27, 2012

My Email to Kevin

Dear Kevin,
When we first met and started our relationship my heart and soul rejoiced. I hadn't been expecting to find someone who made me so happy. I was just coming to terms w/ being back in the dating world and how awful it was when I posted that ad. I didnt expect to meet someone who met my list. My list didnt include someone w/ money or a fancy car, big house, etc. You didnt have a lot of time to see me, but we messaged each other for at least a few hours every day. It frustrated me that you didnt have a phone, but you said you would get one. It took a month for you to find time to see me. You cancelled on me several times before that happened. You never took my out on a date. You lied to me. You faked a car accident. And then your death.
But I stayed right there. Thru it all. I was in it for the long haul. I understood your scheduling stuff and Johnathan. Still no phone, thats fine. Oh ok cancelling again. I understand. I understand. I understand. I cried a lot, but I was promised it would get better and I believed you so I held on.
When you died. I thought I would never stop crying. My heart was broken.
You came back and I was so happy. I forgave you. All I asked was for you to be with me. For the first week you once again messaged me every single day. You're gonna get a phone. Then it started to fade again. But thats ok, you had a toothache, I understand. I saw you last Saturday. But Friday. Friday I am going to see you and meet Johnathan. I couldnt wait to ask you about MonsterJam. Did he love it? Sunday...Monday...Tuesday. Oh a stomach bug. Oh poor thing. I hope hes ok. I wonder if John is sick too. Hope his mom is watching him. Wednesday...Thursday...oh...ok...where are you?
Do you see what I see?
I see a woman who loves a man so much, so completely she is willing to stand by him thru whatever. YOU FAKED YOUR DEATH AND I TOOK YOU BACK!!
I also see a man who for whatever reason it going to let that go.
I love you.
Plan and simple. But I can not and will not be involved w/ someone who isnt willing to be honest and make time for me in his life. How can I sit here and be sad bc my boyfriend, who says he loves me, wont call me/text me/something once a day to see how my day was? If I am sad, or sick, or am just having a bad day and really need to hear you say that you love me but I cant, whats the point of being in a relationship. I might was be single. I feel just as alone if not more so. Bc at least when I'm single I have a reason for being lonely.
Not to mention how foolish I look to my friends and family when you make plans w/ me and I excitedly tell them, oh yeah I'm meeting his son, and I cancel plans w/ other people. Then as the days go by and more and more time passes I realize that once again I am not as important to you as you are to me.
Heres the bottom line, I feel like if you truly love and care for me, the way you say you do, and as much as I love and care for you then you know what needs to be done. Put 100% into us and show me.
I hope I am worth it.
And if I'm not. Or you have something to say. Just say it. Just put me outta my misery.
You have my cell and email and yahoo...if I'm on.
I love you and I want you in my life.

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