Sorry from bombarding y'all w/ all that but all those convos were on my phone's yahoo IM and I didnt wanna lose those in case my phone crapped out or I replaced my phone, so yeah.
I am a rollercoaster of emotions. The slightest thing can take me from having an ok day to being sad again. Sad Rhianna is no fun. I dont do sad well. I have to keep myself numb. Its like I can't think. Thinking too much is bad. Most music is bad, a lot of tv is bad. I cant live. I cant be alive. Talking is good, blogging is good. The internet is mostly good. Except today I was reading something and then it starting talking about autism....nope! Cant do that. Typing up that last convo w/ Rita about how she knew he loved me...NOPE!! Ugh. No one should ever have to experience the feeling of losing a SO tragically. Sudden. Unexpected. Not that other ways arent awful but at least you get to know that your time w/ them is precious. We wasted so much time together bc we were supposed to have a lifetime. We were supposed to be together forever. He was my soul mate. We were each other eternal match. And we knew it from the very beginning...how in the world am I supposed go on. To find love again. Sex...thats easy...but love. His love. I want HIS LOVE!