Seriously? You have GOT to be kidding me!

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Letter


Dear Ryland,

Happy 19th Birthday baby brother!! I cant believe you are 19. Holy crap. Time sure has flown by. You know I was 11 when you were born? We lived in the blue duplex in Dickinson. I was in 6th grade and went to Dunbar. I was really hoping you would be like Ronnie and be born on a school day. But nope momma went into labor early Sunday morning. I was spending the night at gmas. But someone called and woke gma up bc we went over there in the morning instead of church.
Momma is such a weirdo and had you at home naturally like me and Ronnie so I watch you being born. I remember Krystal started feeling woozy so we walked across the street to the coke machine to get her a soda.
When you finally greeted us momma actually said put it back when they said you were a boy. LOL Oops She wanted a girl. We were all surprises as far as our sex. Told you momma was weird. You were gonna be named Rayna Jazmine. But since you were a boy (duh) they named you Ryland Gordon-Lewis McCloud. Your middle name is after mom and dads fathers.
You were a good baby and adorable of course. When you were 9 months old you got really sick and wouldnt eat. Everyone was so worried about "fattening" you up. I remember gma brought over jello, pudding and ice cream. Anything to get you to eat. Whatever happened to you or just genetics you were tiny from then on out. You could fit into you baby clothes until you were almost 5. Weird.
Also around that time was when you started your evilness. Man you were mean and so bad. You would spit your milk on people. Steal things from my room and then when I'd chase you you'd run into your room and throw it. Which numerous times that was fingernail polish and resulted in broken glass and polish all over the walls and carpet.
You were also EXTREMELY insane about your food and clothes....just really anything. Your tantrums where on a whole other level. You would throw your body back slamming your head into anything, walls, concrete, whatever. If you wanted waffles for breakfast and we cut them, or didnt cut them, or put syrup on them, or didnt put syrup, if we accidentally touched them, ugh the list goes on and on.
BUT you were then and still are super sweet. The most lovable and loving little boy. Cuddly and warm. SO affectionate. And you could always make us laugh. Oh man, remember how you used to do your stripper dance. You were obsessed with your body. :) I wont tell all your stories. You'd probably be embarrassed. Sorry. I love you.
You were also the one to nickname me Lala. From the time I was learning to talk and every baby since then has always said Nana (Nah-nah) when trying to say my name. You called me Nana for about 2 weeks then decided yourself to call me Lala. From then on I am Lala. The family still calls me Lala. And I forget that other people, people outside the family done know Lala...
Which is why I have been so sad today...

The last letter you wrote got thrown away...My heart is broken. I know its just one letter but we dont get to share our lives like a normal brother and sister.

This is your 4th bday behind bars. You made some choice real early on that werent the best. No one will understand why you did. But we all hope and pray for you that this was your wake up call. You are serving your time. And when you get out you will still be young. Yes it will be tough but you are made from tough genes. We are not a weak family. Every single one of us will support you and help you 100% as long as you are doing the right thing.

Ryland. You and I have always had a strong bond. You are my mini me...just more extreme. lol I am also very emotional and hard headed. You got my named tattooed on you before momma's. This time about has been so hard on me. But I suck it up. I hold in the tears (mostly) and I go on. I just miss you so much...

Just please please please remember your actions affect everyone who loves you. Dont go back. My heart cant take it.

I love you.
Your Big Sister,

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