I am feeling very....sad. Emotional. And it sucks. It mostly sucks bc I don't know exactly what is triggering my sadness. I have a feeling I might know but I feel stupid. I feel like I wanna just lay in bed and cry. Its been like this for a few days. I am starting to be more and more emotional lately and I don't like it. I don't like not being happy.
Why am I not happy?
Ugh, that's a loaded question. Ok I'm gonna try and let it out here. Give me a minute.
I think it mostly family related. Most pressing feeling currently is Mothers Day. Why am I not a mother. I feel like such a failure for not having a baby yet. That's why we are here. Everyone is having kids. Logging into facebook is a nightmare for someone like me. Plus 99% of those pics are of the 3 less then 1 year olds in my family. Riley my brothers baby, Everett my cousin/bffs baby and Jace my other cousins baby. Damn it.
Then theres my gpa. Hes having heart issues. Hes ok. But for how long. And I can not imagine my life w/o him. Yes I know. I am so lucky to have had 30 years with him already but...I feel like I make him sad. He wants to see me "win" the battle against my weight. And for me to have a baby too. Altho he is old and therefore wants it done the "right way." So...gotta wait till I'm married. Which is what I want but I wouldn't regret it either way.
And as I've said before, I'm lonely. I am just too social of a person to be ok w/ never seeing my bff. And I don't know how to fix this.
And to Jon, no, I am not on my period. I am not PMS-ing.
I just want to be happy.
I'm tired of crying.